Heart to heart

Hello everyone,
so long didn't check on my blog,
Kinda busy with my schedule *cough* hahaha..
Oh really, I spend my June with full-time course, I am now attending a morning class and afternoon class.
Well yeah, it's kind of a distraction for me, I think..
A distraction from my super-complicated-love-life, I don't have to tell you again okay? (If you didn't know or understand, well please read my previous blog on May, you'll get the answer.)
Okay this time I'll use two language, English and Indonesian.
I'm a little bit tired to type it all in English. Well, I just need some time to share, I am overloaded with so many things and problems.

To be honest, until now I'm still in confusions.
Oh when it comes to a heart matters, I think no one ever really know about how I really feel, how I try to be strong, what I was thinking, and the time when I know something that really kills me inside but have to try to look okay and used to it. Trust me, that time, I really want to kick someone in the ass and release all of my anger, but I just can hold it, it sucks right. Yeah I know, sometime silence is the best answer, because not everyone could really understand your words.
Remember this quote?

"If you can't understand my silence, how can you understand my words?"

Yeah, you know someone really hurt when they starts to ignore you. But, pity me. Even if I get hurt, I still can't ignore the one I loved. Tell me I'm stupid, but I never feel stupid for loving someone. If you feel stupid, then you don't really love them. Simple right?

I believe that IF I patient enough to wait, good things will happen. I didn't said that I have to wait until forever, 'cus for me "forever" doesn't exist. I only remind myself that God will definitely guides me, I know his plan is much more better than mine.
 I keep re-read this quote,
"The ones who love you will never leave you, because even if there are hundred reasons to give up, they will find one reason to hold on."

I believe that if he really loves me and wants me, he will not easily give up on me, like I don't want to give up on him. I know we still had a chance to be together. Well maybe not right now, but someday, we will. I know expecting too much can hurt so much, but how can I give up on someone that I can't go a day without thinking about? Ever heard, "don't give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about" ?

Well, some said to move on, some said to hold on, some said that I am too stupid to wait for something that I don't even know how it ends, hello... I know lah kalo nasib digantung itu ga enak, bukan cuma ga enak, tapi pake banget. But, what can I do?  Lemme tell you, segala sesuatu yang dipaksain itu ga pernah berjalan mulus. Why I can say that thing? 'Cus, I've been through a lot of things in couple months. To be honest yaa.. Kadang capek. Capek makan ati. hahaha * bahasa alay mode on*

Kadang mikir, kok sekarang jalannya susah, rumit, too complicated, too much drama, bla bla bla... but then, I've read a book  that tells me this,
"kalau sekarang jalannya susah, banyak rintangan, banyak halangan, bukan berarti kalian ga berjodoh, cobaan itu yang menguji kamu, seberapa sabar,  seberapa besar perjuangan, dan seberapa kuat kemauan kamu untuk bersama dengan seseorang itu."

A real relationship needs two people who fights, who trust and believe in each other, and two people who really wants to be together.
Fight for what you love, but you can't be the only one who fights right?
Oh why complicated life....
God, if we are really meant to be together, please lead us to the right directions..
AMEN.

As my only one distraction, now I am finished my basic makeup course, now I'm in personal! YAY~ I'm in a rush to Bridal course, well I think I'm going to have a basic makeup test in few weeks ahead. Wish me luck guys! *finger crossed*

I've wrote this blog cuma buat mengurangi beban pikiran, no offense okay? I told ya before kan, aku bukan tipikal orang yang gampang ngomong straight to the point ke orangnya apalagi kalo masalah hati gini *HAHAHA*, so I choose to write it on my own blog and hoping that someone would read, yeah I'm big on writing! :p

Well I think that's enough for now,
I'm a little bit tired and sleepy, you know what? For a couple weeks back then, I've sleep before 12 am! miracle happens HAHAHA, you know that I'm an insomniac. *duh*
Seeyou guys in the bext blog post SOON...

                                                                                                      xoxo,

                                                                                                              Lia ♥

Heart to heart

Hello everyone,
so today I got so many things that running in my mind, if you be able to see what's inside my brain, it's a total mess, over-capacity, over-limit, yeah I guess that's how I can describe it. I know it's sound TOO MUCH, or too drama, too.. whatever. I always had the thought that someday everything's gonna make sense, OH I really wish I had someone to share everything, I mean someone who I can trust, someone who can perfectly understands my situations and conditions without judging, someone who can encourage me, someone who can move forward with me, someone who stay when everyone leave. It's been a while I didn't talk heart-to-heart here.

You know I'm not that kind of person who freely talks and discuss about my private life, I'm not that kind of person who easily express what I really feel. I am stubborn. I am impatient. I am childish, I am vindictive, etc. I'd choose to not to talk about my problems until I reach the limit. I know that's not good, well you know everyone isn't the same, not everyone can accept your statements. I've been trying so hard to be a good person, I try to reduce my anger, I try to understand people's feelings & conditions & situations. I know in life, you have to work more harder to get what you really want, it takes time and patience to achieve what you really deserve. You know nothing worth having comes easy, right?

To be honest, deep inside, I feel so tired with all of this crap, I mean the situation, condition, this un-describeable feelings, this anger & jealousy. I never thought that growing up is much harder than final exams. Well I guess I understand why Peterpan didn't want to grow up. hahaha. OH GOD dammit! :(

Well last week on Sunday evening, me and my friends is going to Church together, I see that everyone's having their own problems, those soul that seeks for the best solutions for their problems. They seeks for their happiness, hands that willing to hold them when they're broken, those people who seek tranquility, those people who've been hurt mentally & physically. I know that I'm not the only one who had problems right. And that day, they're discussing about "First Love".

First of all, I'm not that religious type of person, I do whatever I like as long as I didn't do a wrong thing, and live my life straight, I don't need to show to people as if I was a religious person. I did the right thing and avoid what I thought was wrong. I'm not a person who likes to interfere in other people's business, because I don't like it when there are other people who casually meddle my own business. Just take care of your own life, why should we take care of other people's problems. And note this, just because I whine a lot in here, doesn't mean that I'm an attention seeker OKAY? Tell ya, I wrote whatever I want, this is my blog remember? You have no right to complaining. :)

I just try to distance myself from you, I know it's fuckin' hard to do, but what else can I do? Tell me, can you? And if you tell me to stay, I'll stay, no matter what, no matter how hurt it is, no matter how hard it is, but if you tell me to leave, I will, I don't want to make your life more complicated, more miserable, more frustrating, etc. I know you've been trying SO hard, I try to understand, I try to accept it even it kills me inside. 

BUT, if you really want me to leave you, forget all about us, and want me to move on, promise me you'll have a better life, promise me you'll forget me, promise me you'll be able to find someone who's WORTH having you and never take you for granted, promise me you'll never do stupid things, promise me you'll be a firm kind of person.

And I promise you, I will never ever forget every single thing about you, I will never ever do something stupid, I will always remember you as my sweetest whatever. You know I love you and I thought I would never ever love anyone else as big as my love for you. I know you might not be my first love, but I know you are the one who matter the most, you are the one who makes me don't want to sleep because reality seems more better than my dreams. 

I won't chase you, because this time, I wanted to be the one who chased. It's been so hard for me to let you go. OH GOD please just end up this nightmare, tell me that this all just a bad dream. Tell me that we're destined to be together, tell me that I still can hold him in my arms, tell me please! If this all was just a bad dream, wake me up. And if this love only exist in my dreams, please don't wake me up. :'(

I remember when I'm going to church last Sunday, the pastor said:
"Let God interfere in every problems that you're dealing with, surely he will give you the best way out of your problem."

I guess this is the end of Heart-to-Heart post, seeyou in the next post later you guys!

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  

- Psalm 147:3

                                                                xoxo,

Military: A beautiful true love story

One day, a young guy and a young girl fell in love.But the guy came from a poor family. The girl’s parents weren’t too happy. So the young man decided not only to court the girl but to court her parents as well. In time, the parents saw that he was a good man and was worthy of their daughter’s hand.

But there was another problem: The man was a soldier. 
Soon, war broke out and he was being sent overseas for a year.
The week before he left,
the man knelt on his knee and asked his lady love, “Will you marry me?” 
She wiped a tear, said yes, and they were engaged.
They agreed that when he got back in one year, they would get married.

But tragedy struck. A few days after he left, the girl had a major vehicular accident. It was a head-on collision. When she woke up in the hospital, she saw her father and mother crying. Immediately, she knew there was something wrong.

She later found out that she suffered brain injury. The part of her brain that controlled her face muscles was damaged. Her once lovely face was now disfigured. She cried as she saw herself in the mirror. “Yesterday, I was beautiful. Today, I’m a monster.” Her body was also covered with so many ugly wounds.

Right there and then, she decided to release her fiancé from their promise. She knew he wouldn’t want her anymore. She would forget about him and never see him again.
For one year, the soldier wrote many letters—but she wouldn’t answer. He phoned her many times but she wouldn’t return her calls.

But after one year, 
the mother walked into her room and announced, “He’s back from the war.”
The girl shouted, “No! Please don’t tell him about me. Don’t tell him I’m here!”
The mother said, “He’s getting married,” and handed her a wedding invitation.
The girl’s heart sank.
She knew she still loved him—but she had to forget him now.
With great sadness, she opened the wedding invitation.
And then she saw her name on it!
Confused, she asked, “What is this?”

That was when the young man entered her room with a bouquet of flowers.
He knelt beside her and asked, “Will you marry me?”
The girl covered her face with her hands and said, “I’m ugly!”
The man said,
“Without your permission, your mother sent me your photos. When I saw your photos, I realized that nothing has changed. You’re still the person I fell in love. You’re still as beautiful as ever. Because I love you! ”

Author Unknown

Source: http://academictips.org/blogs/military-a-beautiful-true-love-story/

Touching stories

 

Married or not you should read this...
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat

down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Romantic Conversation you've ever wanted

 

Hello everyone,

I have no idea why I posted this kind of blog, but I do like the conversation between a girl and his boyfriend..

I forget where did I get this post but I already have it for ages.. #lol

Check this out...

Girl: Do i ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: Not really

Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if ii left?
Boy : No

Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No

Girl: Choose -- me or your life
Boy: My life

___________________________________________

hold on ladies & gentlemen!

it may sound too RUDE but...

read the remain stories below ;)

___________________________________________

The girl runs away in shock and pain
and the boy runs after her and
says...

The reason you never cross my mind is
because you're always on my
mind.

The reason why I don't like you
is
because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is
because
I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if
you left
is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for
you is
because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing
to do
anything for you is because I would
do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because
you ARE my life.

___________________________________________________

Sweet right?

enjoy dreaming love birds ;) 

                                      xoxo,

                                                  Lia.

my old memories.

originally copied from http://facebook.com/lia.octaviani.jayapranata2
LANGUAGE: indonesian - java.

Hari-hari biasa, dimana saat2 pendekatan ato akrab dengan yg namanya PDKT,

memang kadang asyik, ada juga sedih'nya sih..

Tapi kebanyakan hepi'nya, yah itulah yang saya rasakan selama PDKT sama si dia, sebut saja si "A"..

Memang sudah kenal lama dengan si A ini, tapi cuma kenal-kenal aja, maklum lah dulu waktu kenal-kenal si A ini aku masih kecil bokk~

SMP gitu loo (jaman2 sek sekya! haha), truss semenjak gonta ganti fs lah apalah, ws gtw contact, istilah'nya lost contact gituuu..

eh ga tau'nyaa setelah SMA, ketemu lagi deh (kirain jodoh boo~)..

Mulai deh contact2an,chatting rutin hampirrr tiap hari malem gituu sampe subuh (ckckck~), yaa sms lah apalah..

huff~Udah berjalan kurang lebih dari akhir november (mulai ng'feelnya),

sampe minggu kemarin (01.11.2009 <- saat2 terakhir hiks..) ituu dehh saat2 PDKT (hoohhh~)..

PDKT jalannya mulus sihh, hepi'nya juga banyak, mulai dr sms, chatting2an, kyk ada respon gitu loo (sapa xg ga berharap lebih ato mikir ada kesempatan kalo respon'e + ?)..

Demi isa tetep contact2 truss, tidur'e ga tau aturan, jam 4 subuh baru tidur, manteb2 jam set.6 pagi baru tidur (pantesan ae kyk panda gini skrg), paling sueneng yaa pas di telp buat pertama kali'nya (ya ampun, jantung dag dig dug) sampe ga isa tidur lo itu --",

ketemu juga wes pernah, wes pokoe sueneng lah pas masa2 itu.. ( pengen muter waktu rasae :( ),

mulai dari sifat2, rutinitas, kesenengan'e, apa ae lah, all about him, satu persatu ws mulai tak ngertino pelan-pelan, mulai dr hobi segala macem..

Mulai dr curhat, sampe nasehat bla bla bla lah sudah terlontar, tanda2 suka ya wes ada, tp tetep ae ga mulus jalan'e.. :(

Waktu sweet17 bday'ku kemarin (28.10.2009), sengaja di status bbm ta ketik gini waktu deket2 jam 12 malem (ya biasa tradisi jam 12 udah bole nyelametin),

"FOR YOU: call me if i'm special.."

ga lama setelah itu, nungguin sms'lah, bbm'lah, telpon'lah,dll..

temen2ku se'gank (xnp) malah kompakkan ga sms sama skali (wes ketok nek janjian tohh, haha~),

wess deretan sms2 dr temen2 xg lain, bbm'e dr xg lain ngucapno hepi b'day bla bla bla (thx lo xg wess nyelameti hahah~),

mata udah tinggal 5watt nungguin, teng teng teng! tiba-tiba jadi 100watt! tau apao?

si "A" telponnnn (bisa membayangkan betapa seneng'e ati'ku ya to, pikiranku langsung terpusat d status bbm'ku itu, ini kebetulan ato emg ws ada tanda2? hufff~),

akhir'e sambil telpon dan jantung berdegup kencenggg, senyum2 dewe (org gila la wes'an), sampe mukul2 ranjang saking seneng'e --"

jd ga isa tidur smp set.3, pdhl bsk'e skolah..

bayangkan, org xg kita seneng'i telpon jam 12'an? org pertama dan terakhir juga.. ya ampunn --"

Tgl 31.10.2009, hari dimana ngerayano ultah d mystique sama temen2 deket tokkk~ huff.. (hari yg paling tak tunggu2 bener'e ini..),

sebelum'e wess ngomongi ke si A, dan emg janji dateng,

eh malah special guest'e ga dateng!

(ya pa ga mangkel? ga ngamuk? ga jengkel? ga sedih? hiksss...),

pas sore sih emg udah bilang ga isa dtg, ada urusan puenting soale..

setelah lepas hari itu, wes ga pernah contact sama skali, tiba2 ga tau angin dari mana ya, statusnya berubah.

(OMG. y pa perasaanmu nek kyk gitu??), aku xg wes suka 1taun'an (mmg salah sih tanda2 ak suka ga nampak, h`rus'e si nampak, tapi gtw si A itu peka ato nggak ya gt wess..),

ga tau asal usul'e kok isa moro2 jadi??

subuh2 lo aku tau'e itu, langsung ga isa tidur, mulai dr hari itu, aku berubah 100 derajat.

Mulai dr pagi - dengan hari ini, malem ini, waktu aku nulis ini, perasaanku kacau, memang sih pas sabtu itu aku wes buat komitmen sama temen baek'ku, kalo dia dateng, aku tetep lanjut, tapi klo dia ga dateng, aku stop smp hari itu juga..

dan ternyata mmg aku ws bnr2 harus ngelupano si A..

Dari selama ini, aku klo suka sama org ga pernah smp kyk gini, dmn mn smuae xg ta pikirno dee, makan, tidur, d skolah, smua pikiranku pusat'e di si A, nulis ini ae ya mikirno si A..

pernah ak pikir, aku isa tetep sama si A, wes merasa cocok gitu lah,wes kadung kepincut jawa'e (haha)...

Sebelum'e emg aku wes konsultasi sama temenku, temenku bilang, "kamu kurang ngasi sinyal gitu lo li, ya apa dee isa nyadar, paling nggak nggombal2o lah, apa kek, ga perlu nembak" (ga ada ya dlm kamus, cewek nembak cowok HELLO, meskipun wess d bilang jaman emansipasi wanita..)memang blm jodoh kali ya? :(((

pokok satu kalimat panjang lah buat si A :

" kamu itu wes bawa hati'ku selama ini, kamu mbuat aku hepii sak hepi-hepi'e orang, sampe melayang kyk melayang ke surga, tapi akhir'e kamu malah mbuat aku jatoh ke neraka bagian paling bawah mentokk, ya apa perasaanku? sakit tau gak.

tapi ya ga isa nyalano kamu juga, aku ya salah, tapi wes terlambat lah nek mau bilang suka skrg,

toh juga ga akan ngerubah apa'pun, sekarang dr sini aku ngasih selamet ae buat kamu, moga2 cewek xg skrg jd tambatan hati'mu isa nyenengno kamu, isa ngertino kamu, isa ngertino kebiasaanmu, hobi'mu, waktu'mu buat berbagi juga, wes smuae lah xg terbaik buat kamu.

moga2 km hepi trus b dee..

ak nde sini cuma isa liat km seneng, ga munafik lah, bener'e ya ga rela buat ngeliat kamu sama dee bareng, tapi mau ngga mau harus rela lah, cinta butuh pengorbanan toh, wes cukup aku ae xg berkorban, mulai dr waktu, kesehatan, apa ae lah.. xg penting liat km seneng ya aku ikut seneng ae, meskipun ga brg b aku seneng'e.. T___T "

"congratulation for YOU...."

created by: Lia, 09.11.09.