Till we meet again

Hello everyone,
so here I am today *again* with another goodbye post & bunch of pictures of "US", oh I could say it's another farewell, did I ever tell you that I hate goodbyes? Yeah.. I've been posting few farewell post in current few years.. Whoever it is! :( Well I'd rather say that it's not a "goodbye", it's a until we meet again..
She's my partner in crime, my sissy from another mother, my bff, my soulmate, my galau partner. Oh we met at the club exactly for the first time in March 2013 back then if I'm not wrong. LOL! And oh it's on Wednesday errr maybe Friday. *hahaha* and OH her name is Kartika, well we all called her Tika or Mami, or Anak etceteraaa, sounds more friendly much lah.

It's sad to be honest, we lost our friend, we rarely see each other now. OH give us the togetherness back! Luckily I didn't miss the farewell last week.
And not to much to say, we had a good good time..

And here's our massive pictures!
C'mon take a look..

 this is TIKA! :-*

 with Hugo!

 Tika's le boyfie Ficky & Youween

 this is Youween

 and this is Reiza!

 from left to right: Reiza, me, Hugo, Youween, Tika, Edwin, Alice

Oh I can't wait to see you again Nak! :')

Till the next post fellas..

                                                                                          xoxo,

                                                                                                     Lia.

Definitely not my year.

Hello everyone,
oh really I am so so so sorry if I have to whine a lot lately.
Let me tell you what happen last night.
OMG~ I LOST MY IPHONE wtf!!
how come? okay, I'll tell you here..

So, last night was  my bff's birthday party at M1 Superclub, okay, you may know that club from my old post right? I'm one of party-animal at M1 lately. Sorry, didn't mean to be a party-animal but what can I do? OK, skip from that thing.
I was invited to attend her birthday, lets say it's Tika's Legal birthday which mean she's turning 21. I totally enjoyed the party much. BUT didn't last longer, I admit I'm a little bit drunk, just a little bit, still I can stand with my two feet okay. Then when I want to leave, I see my clutch bag is opened, then I searched for my iphone and it's GONE. WTF!! I didn't know who took it.
The last time I touch it was the time when we're taking some pictures, but the result is too bad, well you know that 4s's camera isn't as good as S4 okay.
Then I put it back to my clutch bag, which mean during the party I didn't touch my phone at all. Oh SHIT, I really really goin' crazy last night. When I realize that my phone is gone, my face is like...



REALLY!!!
OH I never imagine this day, where I have to lost my phone, the one that took years to get.
And it's gone only within minutes, fuck.
Now I've been using my super big iPad, well I'm using BBM and line there.
Oh yeah, cmon laugh at me.
But everything happen for reasons right?
Maybe I'll got the better one soon, the good one I think.
Amen.. And glad that my parent's not mad at me.
Really feel sorry about that mom & dad. -___-"


And you know, i'm pissed off. WHY?
Okay let me explain with Indonesian ok?
Pergi ke club because I wanna have some fun, I need a refreshments, but what I got is totally out of control, iphone kesayangan hilang, dan itu sudah cukup merusak malam mingguku. shit.
I barely think that 2013 is really NOT MY YEAR at all. Why?
Let's see what happen back then, oh no no I don't wanna tell it again. Please be sure to read my old blog okay?
Oh I really wish 2013's gonna end very very soon!!!! :(

End of post, I wish it would never happen again twice...

                                                             xoxo,

                                                                  Lia.

Tearful year.

 
 

Hello everyone,
well first I wanna say Happy Eid Mubarak to those who celebrate it.
Sorry for my disappearing again since the last post.
And I am so sorry if I blogged any crap here in my own blog, oh well told ya, shit happen, as always. OH sh*t, I really2 f*cked up this time, no jokes.
It's happening again, as what I've been through last year. I just know that 8 was my lucky number *I guess*, but really, August isn't my month even it's 8! Flashback to what happen last year if some of you understand my story.

It's kinda fucked up isn't, when you love someone, deep in your heart, you want to be with him, NO MATTER WHAT. But what would you do if that someone doesn't intended to stay? And choose that one who've been screwed you in past a year back then! *Imagine you were me and said in your mind, "what the f*ck!?".* Oh oh, told ya, SHIT HAPPENS. haha..

It's so heartbreaking right, the one who told you that they love you, suddenly leave, and tell you to find another man, who's better than him, wishing you had a good life. Oh well well.. No words I can say could change anything. You know what it feels like when the one you love the most say that thing? It's like I was punched, straight in my face. Oh okay, well maybe that was the last time you'll ever see me smiling like it's okay, and I'll get over it.
Oh you know, I'm not that kind of smiley face mode ON or OFF. 
Told ya, my dad who's never asked me "are you not in the mood?" suddenly asked me that question today, then I tell him "nothing, just tired." 
Oh world's full of lie.

I know it's my fault, oh I didn't regret everything that's happened back then, maybe I just know before this happen, well actually my head knows sooner or later this will happen, but my heart still can't accept it yet. Oh screw me, I just hoping the impossible thing will be possible if I have faith on it. Well I guess I'm wrong. :)
"I know that someone came into our life to teach you lessons, well God let that person crossed our path just to teach you the lesson you have to learn." 
It's either to let go, or to stay with them for the rest of our lives. OH I really wish the reason is to stay for the rest of my life. But I guess God didn't have the same idea with me. haha.. You know, I only had one wish, I only want once in a lifetime boyfriend will be my once in a lifetime husband, now it's all gone. I can't fulfill my lifetime wishes. Pity me. haha I'm a daydreamer, I dream of the thing that not everyone can do it.

Someone told me, "heads up girl, you're precious, he's dumb enough to let a girl like you go from his life. Cheer up! Be happy! Oh please, don't get hurt more.."
Well that someone just one of my friend that I met at beauty course. Not gonna tell her name, but it means a lot for me, remembering that she didn't know me well enough and long enough to understand that something's not okay with me. Thankyou, at least there's someone who care.

Two days back then, I asked God,
"Why me?"
"Why this is happened to me?"
"Why again?"
Still, I didn't get an answers. Not yet.
He's my first, even when he said that he might be my first boyfriend, but not my first love.
I still count him as my first love. I know this wasn't my first heartbreak, I had many okay.
But I don't know why, I just couldn't let him go.
I asked myself "Why?" I didn't get any answer either.
My mind told me to let go, but my heart couldn't.
I told myself, "If we both really meant to be together, no matter how long, how far, how hard it is, you will always find a way to be together, no matter what. Let them go, if he's coming back to you, he's yours. Good things happen to those who patiently wait. Maybe we're not meant to be together today, but someday, we will."

I keep reminding myself to not to look back, I packed all the stuffs, pictures, and everything. I told myself, let the memories remain just as memories, you have to move forward, show him that he's wrong, that he should've try, because I know I was worth the fight.
OH I wish forgetting people is as easier as deleting photos from i-phone!! :(
No words can exactly describes my feelings for now.

OH God, I thankful enough I had one friend, not just a friend, she's my best friend, my sister, my partner in crime, she knows me from the beginning to the end of story. She accompanied me when I need someone the most. She cheer me up. I'm glad to have her. Thankyou Gab for always stay by my side when everyone else's leave. Thanks for understanding me, thanks for handling me in my hard times. It's good enough to have one friend that knows you than having a tons of friend but none of them understand you.
I really wish this pain will gone really soon.
And I'll be okay, someday, just not today. :(



I thank God that I am be able to meet someone as good as you are, be able to spent almost a year knowing each other, I learned a lot from you, thank you for almost everything even if it's good or bad. I just wish you had a great life, take care of yourself, and learn to be more mature from now. Good luck for your job, just so you know that my prayer always be with you, no matter what happen. God always be with you. :')


"Ich liebe dich mehr als du weißt.
 Ich hoffe, dass wir eines Tages wieder zusammen sein."

 The last big hug :)

                                                                             xoxo,

                                                                                              Lia.

Rest in Peace my Grand-Uncles

 

Hello everyone,
so I just got back from Bali yesterday (Monday).
And got two bad news at the same time.
My Grand-Uncles has passed away on Sunday & Monday.

My prayers goes to both of you, may you rest in peace Giu-Kung.

I know you're now with God, be strong to those families that left behind.

                                                           xoxo,

                                                                    Lia.

Heart to heart

Hello everyone,
so today I got so many things that running in my mind, if you be able to see what's inside my brain, it's a total mess, over-capacity, over-limit, yeah I guess that's how I can describe it. I know it's sound TOO MUCH, or too drama, too.. whatever. I always had the thought that someday everything's gonna make sense, OH I really wish I had someone to share everything, I mean someone who I can trust, someone who can perfectly understands my situations and conditions without judging, someone who can encourage me, someone who can move forward with me, someone who stay when everyone leave. It's been a while I didn't talk heart-to-heart here.

You know I'm not that kind of person who freely talks and discuss about my private life, I'm not that kind of person who easily express what I really feel. I am stubborn. I am impatient. I am childish, I am vindictive, etc. I'd choose to not to talk about my problems until I reach the limit. I know that's not good, well you know everyone isn't the same, not everyone can accept your statements. I've been trying so hard to be a good person, I try to reduce my anger, I try to understand people's feelings & conditions & situations. I know in life, you have to work more harder to get what you really want, it takes time and patience to achieve what you really deserve. You know nothing worth having comes easy, right?

To be honest, deep inside, I feel so tired with all of this crap, I mean the situation, condition, this un-describeable feelings, this anger & jealousy. I never thought that growing up is much harder than final exams. Well I guess I understand why Peterpan didn't want to grow up. hahaha. OH GOD dammit! :(

Well last week on Sunday evening, me and my friends is going to Church together, I see that everyone's having their own problems, those soul that seeks for the best solutions for their problems. They seeks for their happiness, hands that willing to hold them when they're broken, those people who seek tranquility, those people who've been hurt mentally & physically. I know that I'm not the only one who had problems right. And that day, they're discussing about "First Love".

First of all, I'm not that religious type of person, I do whatever I like as long as I didn't do a wrong thing, and live my life straight, I don't need to show to people as if I was a religious person. I did the right thing and avoid what I thought was wrong. I'm not a person who likes to interfere in other people's business, because I don't like it when there are other people who casually meddle my own business. Just take care of your own life, why should we take care of other people's problems. And note this, just because I whine a lot in here, doesn't mean that I'm an attention seeker OKAY? Tell ya, I wrote whatever I want, this is my blog remember? You have no right to complaining. :)

I just try to distance myself from you, I know it's fuckin' hard to do, but what else can I do? Tell me, can you? And if you tell me to stay, I'll stay, no matter what, no matter how hurt it is, no matter how hard it is, but if you tell me to leave, I will, I don't want to make your life more complicated, more miserable, more frustrating, etc. I know you've been trying SO hard, I try to understand, I try to accept it even it kills me inside. 

BUT, if you really want me to leave you, forget all about us, and want me to move on, promise me you'll have a better life, promise me you'll forget me, promise me you'll be able to find someone who's WORTH having you and never take you for granted, promise me you'll never do stupid things, promise me you'll be a firm kind of person.

And I promise you, I will never ever forget every single thing about you, I will never ever do something stupid, I will always remember you as my sweetest whatever. You know I love you and I thought I would never ever love anyone else as big as my love for you. I know you might not be my first love, but I know you are the one who matter the most, you are the one who makes me don't want to sleep because reality seems more better than my dreams. 

I won't chase you, because this time, I wanted to be the one who chased. It's been so hard for me to let you go. OH GOD please just end up this nightmare, tell me that this all just a bad dream. Tell me that we're destined to be together, tell me that I still can hold him in my arms, tell me please! If this all was just a bad dream, wake me up. And if this love only exist in my dreams, please don't wake me up. :'(

I remember when I'm going to church last Sunday, the pastor said:
"Let God interfere in every problems that you're dealing with, surely he will give you the best way out of your problem."

I guess this is the end of Heart-to-Heart post, seeyou in the next post later you guys!

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  

- Psalm 147:3

                                                                xoxo,