Remember what keeps you happy

Hello everyone,

sorry for disappearing for a month from this blog..

Kinda busy with works lately, and got time to write up again here on this blog.

I miss my writing, so here I am now at almost 1 a.m typing in front of my lovely laptop listening to Afrojack - Ten Feet Tall, one of my favorite song in current few months.

Well I'll write this blog with few more language, so it will be more "friendly". lol

So, as you could read above,

Remember what keeps you happy.

Really, do you ever remember things that make you happy even in simplest way?

I do (not really I remember everything tho).

But, I just know the moment something makes me smile, I guess I am happy.

Well maybe a little.

For example, when you got a delivery package in front of your doorhouse from a shop, when you bought something online.

It's like "Oh finally *with smile*" nah I did that.

Or maybe when... someone special texted you "Hi."

*BOOM* I know you're smiling that moment. hahahahahaha

Don't count your happiness just when you got something expensive.

Yes I know that everyone lovessss expensive things.

But it is more precious if you got something that had a meaning of it.

For example, oh you got a branded bags because it's your first ever authentic bag that you bought with your own money *your job-money*, not because it's your parents money or bla bla bla.

Pastinya kamu merasa PUAS meski bakal ada pikiran OMG tabunganku berkurang banyak blah blah blah, BUT kamu bakal bener2 jaga itu barang because you know itu hasil kerja kamu sendiri, lain hal kalau pemberian dr ortu, palingan berapa lama uda bosen keleussss. (well happen to me LOL)

I won't count how much I spent to be happy.

In fact, real happiness can't be bought with money right.

Those flowers that blooms inside your heart, in the most simplest way.

Nah I am sorry that I sounds too cheesy lah.

Happiness is when.... you had something that makes you realize that Life is much more beautiful to be happy for, maybe a job you had, bestfriends that you love (and maybe if they love you back), someone that maybe makes you realize that reality is finally much more better than your dreams. Though I haven't met that "someone". LOL

Romantis dikit boleh lah ya :D

Nah, sekarang buntu nih mau ngomong apaan.

Intinya nih ya, bahagia itu simple, saat hati dan pikiran kamu udah "plong" meskipun beban berat masih ada, but you know what you had to do..

Deal with it, life goes on, and you moved on, bukan berarti elu LUPAIN, mau lu hapus foto, mau lu delete contact, yg namanya MEMORY itu STAY FOREVER, mana bisa lupa coy, bisa sih kalo lo ga stuck in one place that had thousand memories and you  moved to another country or maybe another city. Good if you had that chance.

Kecuali kalo lo AMNESIA, baru tuh lu bisa bilang move on, galau? inget masalah lu sebelum amnesia aja boro2 boo. *lol*

Life is much more easier to worry less alias WOLES aja bro,

asal tau mana yg baik dan buruk, and SET YOUR LIMITS!

Udah tua sob, kurang-kurangin nyusahin orang apalagi diri sendiri.

Kurang-kurangin main2, nyakitin hati orang.

Ati-ati deh karma itu ada loh, you got what you've done.

Nah lho bingung kan sama ini kata2, jelasnya aja sih ibaratnya nih ya..

"Kalo lo kasih orang lain tai, suatu saat lu dikasih tai juga sama orang lain.

Kalo lo kasih rezeki ke orang lain, nanti lu juga bakal dapet rezeki juga."

Gitu aja muter terus coy, ga susah-susah amat sih.

Nah kalo lo di jahatin orang, ga usah dibales, emang sih LORO ATI BRO, tapi inget...

nanti juga yg jahatin elu dijahatin sama orang lain, apalagi kalo lu dijahatin sama org yg lu sayang pake bingittt, ntar juga doi dijahatin sama orang yg doi sayang pake bingittt.

Bisa jadi lebih parah (bukan doain sih, but that's exactly what I know for sure, cuz it happened to me once, well maybe twice or more than that. NAH jd curcol kan gueh.)

Makanya lain kali jangan baper, jadi galau kan lo.

And here's one of my fave quote for you guys, and be sure to remember....

"Karma's only a BITCH if YOU ARE."

So that was the end of this post, this was kind of random post I guess.. 

Well maybe I'll post some of my makeup look on the next blog.

Got some endorsements that I like to post on this blog.

Stay tune!!!

thanks for capturing, I am giggling! xD

                                                                            xoxo,

                                                                                              Lia ♥

What hurts the most

Hello everyone,
so here I am with some little chit-chat today,
as I ever repeatedly told you, I prefer writing than saying right, especially when it comes to heart problems. LOL. Oh did you recognize my background music as now? It's bella's lullaby, one of my fave classic song besides river flows in you and kiss the rain, it's Yiruma by the way.
Ok, is it to melancholic? Well let's begin the stories from now.. (Did I sounds like a story teller? lol)

It's been for a while, oh well few months to correct, I've been partying like an animal, said I'm a party animal now on *gosh can't believe that I said that*, yeah I've been quite seeing and looking around those night life I've been going, I barely think that place is not really the place where I wanna go, I know when you got a heart break, you need some space, well to recover yourself I think, where you can hang with people who've been through the same problems as you are, you know, you're not the only one who got a problem right.

So, I've met this one person, well someone I know for a little while, it's my friend's ex, no need to mention whom or name right, it's kinda private I think. What I wanna tell you is the side of story about someone who've been through things together, who love each other before, who've been stabbed, who've been cheating, and finally regret some things they've done.

When I saw my friend & the ex together, not only me, but all those people who seen them, might think that they're a couple, a lover, oh whatever it called. But well they're not really together, yeah it's a "failed-to-get-over-ex'es" problem. hahahaha ok I've been through that phase too. But, what I'm shock about is when one of my friend asked the ex "are you two dating?"
Guess what the ex's said, "No, we're not." then my friend ask again, "so, who are you?", "I'm the ex." *cough*

I know how hurt is it to say those things, 'cus I've been through that too. lol.
Then I asked the ex, "why broke up?",
The ex's answered "yeah, some privacy problems."
Then my friend asked again, "why didn't you two get back together then?"
"That's not likely to happen, well we could never be together again."
*OUCH*
I know that they both still care for each other, but who knows? I only see what I see, but I never know the real feelings of those two.
Well I know that some people could love each other but not meant to be together, that's the sad part.
I wrote this just to let you know, that not only you who've been through this kind of problem, at least 1 or 2% of 100% living person been through that too.
But life goes on, just go with the flow, where your feet leads you, and where your heart feel in a peace.

I didn't mean to whining or anything, but I know how it feels like to feel the way how you really wanted someone to stay, but all you can do is letting them go and choose what they want, even you know, their choices may hurt you more that you could ever imagine.  But what's meant to be, will always find it's way right?

So that's the end of post tonight,
Goodnight everyone...

                                                                                                     xoxo,

                                                                                                            Lia.

What a year can do

Hello everyone,
so here I am today with another chit-chat time again.
hahaha so sorry if you're damn bored with my blog contents.
Well you know in life, sometimes we're happy, we're sad, we're confuse, etcetera. And I'm on the middle of nowhere I don't even know what exactly I'm feeling right now. Weird. Yeah. Whatever you said.

So, I know it's in the middle of the night, where everyone is barely now sleeping and having a sweet dream, while me still awake and doing some random things, like this, chit-chat with my own laptop, listening to some random music, well I put it on shuffle, then checking on my facebook, trying few clothes (oh well idk why I do this such of things in 2 am LOL I think I'm a weirdo), looking at my beauty space OH i mean my own table with full of any kind of makeup, well most of all, I think a lot, I mean I've got this freshly brain in almost every midnight, oh yeah.. *am I too talkative? lol*

Now, what I was thinking is how my life changes a lot in just a year, looking back on last year, where I still a "jobless", you could say "pengangguran" in Indonesian, all I can think about is holiday, hangout, party-ing (well I start to go to such club last year before my birthday), shopping, manicure-pedicure, etc.

And thank God, now I had a job, I start to build up my career, I already taken my beauty class and ready to get another course in few months ahead, well I know I still can't get over from partying kind of lifestyle, pity me, but I'll make sure I will get over it really soon.

And umm.. Thank God for what you've done for my life, even if it's not always good, I really thankful, especially for last birthday present from you. I never ask for more, but you give me more than I deserve, well I didn't wish it would happen that day, but it was my best birthday ever, I can see that one person who I really wanted to meet, and voila.
Ok, now it's nothing.
Yeah.. I know it's been a rough year for me. I was end up getting dumped by someone I really loved, yeah that someone who I really wanted to meet on my last birthday last year, hahaha.. Well love sucks, oh no, people around us sucks.
But, yeah.. That's a part of life, you can't always get what you want right? :)
It's pretty amazing what a year can do, well you'll never know how far you had change if you didn't look back, you can look back but don't dwell on past, it's kinda useless you know.

I am glad that I can get through it little by little, there was something I really grateful about, problems that makes me who I am today, I know I'm not strong enough, but I know I will get through everything, if I want to try.
Still can't get through it? TRY HARDER. 
I know it's easier to talk like that, but I exactly know how hard is it, but once you get through it, you know that it's the best thing that you can do. Sometimes what I really need is just time, people said time heals almost everything, but no, your wounds might heal, but the scars will always there, even if it's invisible. Agree? hahahaha why am I got a lot of quotations in my head huh?

So yesterday I hangout with few friends, well they're just like my third family, one of my friend said that "Cinta itu tidak harus memiliki", once I agreed with that quote, but the boys didn't. hahaha Idk why, but they said that "kalau kamu selalu mikir cinta tidak harus memiliki, maka kamu ga akan pernah bisa maju kedepan." Umm I kinda confuse with this FYI. People said, if you love someone, let them go, set them free, if they're comeback, s/he's YOURS. Oh it happen once, but yeah he's not mine eventually. hahaha..

Just so you know, I only said what I want to say, I tell you this long long story, doesn't mean that I still can't get over him okay, that's a part of life, you can never really get over something you know? Can you see, I'm still me, I'm alive, I never tied my life hanging on someone so when they're left, I still alive, breathing, and go on with my life. That's true, don't tie your happiness on someone else's  life. They might once said that they can't live without you, but now SEE? they're still alive right? hahaha kidding. :)

When i said, I am happy if you're happy, even if it's not with me, it's fucking true. You know, I'd rather be a HONEST asshole than a LYING bitch. 
I know exactly how it feels to be lied to. I don't want anyone else to feel the same way like what I already feel before. You could say that I'm blind that time, I know the truth but still act like a foolish girl who put everything aside just because of the love she had for that someone who never ever love her, respects her, and want her. 
No one ever wants it, but people have to fall over sometimes, not because they deserve it, it's a way of life teaches you how to be a good and better person in the future.

So maybe, this is the end of chit-chat time.
It took me one hour to type this emotional kind of post. LOL
I'll seeyou in another post!
Ciaoooo

                                                                                xoxo,

                                                                                          Lia ♥

Moving forward

Hello everyone,
miss me huh? hahaha well sorry for my disappearing for a couple weeks, I'm a little bit busy these few couple weeks, during preparing for my cousin's wedding on this week, it's on September 15. I have to find a dress, fitting, and also starting my new side job as a Make-up artist just so you know. hahaha that's really interesting OMG! I never imagine that I was be able to be a MUA. And uh I was totally forgot that I had a broken heart few couple weeks ago. LOL. Oh yes what keeps me busy, keeps me forget all hose stupid little drama back then. Oh fuck that. haha I live in reality, not in drama. :)

Well today I don't know exactly what I wanna say here, I just wanna share a little quotation for you, for those who want to move forward, not move on okay :)

"Time flies, people change, feelings change, and heart move "forward", not move "on", you know future are meant to be traveled forward, not backwards, set your past as a lesson, that's what makes you a better one in the future, you may miss the old times, but you know that it's more best to keep going rather than having to repeat the same story when you already know how the story would ends." :)

End of story.
hahahahahaha
Well I guess I'd post another make-up courtesy soon!
Till we met again :-*

                                                                                          xoxo,

                                                                                                        Lia.

Here's to the past

Hello everyone,
so I'm back again with a little bit mood change *hahaha*
Well you know that I've been through a hard time in past a year back then.
Not exactly a year though, it's 11 months, and next month is exactly one year after those break up situation where I've spent last year drinking some beers with my bff's.
Oh I thank you for your supports guys, I 'm glad to have you all.

Despite of it, well.. I find it hard to move on, oh okay to be honest.. I already said that he was my first ever boyfriend. I guess you know how hard is it when it comes about "the first" right?
And as I remember one of my friend told me, you'll never forget "the first time" you do something, no matter what, you'll never forget it.
Oh I know I know, it sounds too much.. I get it. hahaha..
Oh first of all, sorry if I use an Indonesian a bit here, well it's easier to tell you with Indonesian, remembering that not everyone is fluent with English.

I know, semua orang pasti "pernah" memliki cerita sendiri, whether it's about first boyfriend, first love, oh whatever. And finally, I understand how it feels like when you really love someone, and that someone doesn't appreciate your love. I don't know exactly but aku rasa memang tidak pernah dihargai. hahaha sorry to be honest. And now, I am so grateful, why? I finally can let go of my past, even it hurts me, A LOT more that you think. hahaha *sounds too dramatic*
Aku belajar kalau kamu ingin membuang masa lalumu, tidaklah susah, seperti apa yang aku alami kemarin, itu kesalahan. Yah kita semua belajar dari kesalahan kan? Kalau tidak, kamu tidak akan bisa menjadi orang yang lebih baik untuk kedepannya.

Well, the first step that I did is.. simpan jauh-jauh semua foto, meski hanya sebuah foto, tapi hal itu yang membuatmu berat untuk melepaskan. *DUH, sorry bahasaku agak GAK banget kyknya ya hahaha*
And please, delete all photos even from your blackberry, iphone, nor your wallet, and don't forget simpan jauh-jauh, dimana kamu bakal jarang liat semua itu. Kalo nyimpan di laptop, yah simpan di folder yang ga bakal pernah kamu buka sama sekali meskipun tiap hari laptop selalu kamu utak-atik. haha :)

The second step is hmm.. delete his number from your contacts. Don't even read the old texts, or whatever. And if he's on your LINE contact, just hide it. So you wouldn't see their names on your contact list, see their updates, or see their "wtf" pictures. hahaha..

Oh well, I didn't tell to "unfriend" them on facebook or whatever social media names, but seems like they're deleting me. Oh it's okay, really. It's better you who deleted me than I deleted you, it's like umm it bothering you if you see my name while you opened your facebook page. lol

And the third thing is.. simpan semua barang yang bisa ingetin kamu sama doi, hahaha.. Yeah I find it hard when I still hugging the bear that he gaves to me, so I manage to keep it far away from me, even it's my favorite kind of bear. Oh well skip that thing.

The fourth is you need a distraction! I find it more easier, oh well my distraction is getting a new piercing, (as seen on my instagram if you followed me). haha I know that's not a good thing, but yeah I love piercing. Every piercing that I had told a different stories. And just to make it clear ya, ga semua orang bertindik itu ga baik. Cuma orang kolot aja yang mikir seperti itu. hellooo ini bukan tahun 80'an, ini 2013. PLEASE... :)

The last thing thing is.. you have to tell yourself that you're gonna be okay without him, you'll be happy even without him, you deserve better, you've done a lot, you are precious, and NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF with ANYONE, apalagi orang yang ga ada baiknya, aku tau judging people who you doesn't even know is a bad habit, but for me, aku ga bisa dibandingin sama orang kyk gitu (yah cukup yang tau aja ngerti kok), dan jangan sekalipun kamu berani bandingin, because she's not even close to my level, SO STOP loving someone who doesn't even appreciate your love. It's like you're throwing a diamond while you're picking up the rocks. :)

That's all I've did. And lucky me, he's not around anymore, well at least until the next couple months, or year? haha good. I didn't regret everything in my past, they're there to give you lessons in life. I believe that I'll go through all of this shit very soon. Yang sekarang ada di pikiranku adalah aku harus menata hidupku seperti sedia kala, the life that I had before I meet him, but then aku ga akan bisa 100% jadi orang yang sama seperti dulu, but at least be a better me, the smart one, lia yang tau mana yang baik & buruk, well leaving the bad habit like going to club, partying, oh whatever. Lia yang dulu sudah ga ada. It's like umm.. The old me is already gone, and dead. ok? :)

You can't please society, really, you only need to keep struggle to live the world full of lies, full of hypocrites, and full of bitches. haha make sure you're not one of them :)

Oh well, aku kira kata-kataku diatas sudah cukup untuk blog kali ini..
No offense. This is my blog, I wrote whatever I like. :)
I'll see ya in the next post soon!

                                                                                      xoxo,

                                                                                                       Lia.

Tearful year.

 
 

Hello everyone,
well first I wanna say Happy Eid Mubarak to those who celebrate it.
Sorry for my disappearing again since the last post.
And I am so sorry if I blogged any crap here in my own blog, oh well told ya, shit happen, as always. OH sh*t, I really2 f*cked up this time, no jokes.
It's happening again, as what I've been through last year. I just know that 8 was my lucky number *I guess*, but really, August isn't my month even it's 8! Flashback to what happen last year if some of you understand my story.

It's kinda fucked up isn't, when you love someone, deep in your heart, you want to be with him, NO MATTER WHAT. But what would you do if that someone doesn't intended to stay? And choose that one who've been screwed you in past a year back then! *Imagine you were me and said in your mind, "what the f*ck!?".* Oh oh, told ya, SHIT HAPPENS. haha..

It's so heartbreaking right, the one who told you that they love you, suddenly leave, and tell you to find another man, who's better than him, wishing you had a good life. Oh well well.. No words I can say could change anything. You know what it feels like when the one you love the most say that thing? It's like I was punched, straight in my face. Oh okay, well maybe that was the last time you'll ever see me smiling like it's okay, and I'll get over it.
Oh you know, I'm not that kind of smiley face mode ON or OFF. 
Told ya, my dad who's never asked me "are you not in the mood?" suddenly asked me that question today, then I tell him "nothing, just tired." 
Oh world's full of lie.

I know it's my fault, oh I didn't regret everything that's happened back then, maybe I just know before this happen, well actually my head knows sooner or later this will happen, but my heart still can't accept it yet. Oh screw me, I just hoping the impossible thing will be possible if I have faith on it. Well I guess I'm wrong. :)
"I know that someone came into our life to teach you lessons, well God let that person crossed our path just to teach you the lesson you have to learn." 
It's either to let go, or to stay with them for the rest of our lives. OH I really wish the reason is to stay for the rest of my life. But I guess God didn't have the same idea with me. haha.. You know, I only had one wish, I only want once in a lifetime boyfriend will be my once in a lifetime husband, now it's all gone. I can't fulfill my lifetime wishes. Pity me. haha I'm a daydreamer, I dream of the thing that not everyone can do it.

Someone told me, "heads up girl, you're precious, he's dumb enough to let a girl like you go from his life. Cheer up! Be happy! Oh please, don't get hurt more.."
Well that someone just one of my friend that I met at beauty course. Not gonna tell her name, but it means a lot for me, remembering that she didn't know me well enough and long enough to understand that something's not okay with me. Thankyou, at least there's someone who care.

Two days back then, I asked God,
"Why me?"
"Why this is happened to me?"
"Why again?"
Still, I didn't get an answers. Not yet.
He's my first, even when he said that he might be my first boyfriend, but not my first love.
I still count him as my first love. I know this wasn't my first heartbreak, I had many okay.
But I don't know why, I just couldn't let him go.
I asked myself "Why?" I didn't get any answer either.
My mind told me to let go, but my heart couldn't.
I told myself, "If we both really meant to be together, no matter how long, how far, how hard it is, you will always find a way to be together, no matter what. Let them go, if he's coming back to you, he's yours. Good things happen to those who patiently wait. Maybe we're not meant to be together today, but someday, we will."

I keep reminding myself to not to look back, I packed all the stuffs, pictures, and everything. I told myself, let the memories remain just as memories, you have to move forward, show him that he's wrong, that he should've try, because I know I was worth the fight.
OH I wish forgetting people is as easier as deleting photos from i-phone!! :(
No words can exactly describes my feelings for now.

OH God, I thankful enough I had one friend, not just a friend, she's my best friend, my sister, my partner in crime, she knows me from the beginning to the end of story. She accompanied me when I need someone the most. She cheer me up. I'm glad to have her. Thankyou Gab for always stay by my side when everyone else's leave. Thanks for understanding me, thanks for handling me in my hard times. It's good enough to have one friend that knows you than having a tons of friend but none of them understand you.
I really wish this pain will gone really soon.
And I'll be okay, someday, just not today. :(



I thank God that I am be able to meet someone as good as you are, be able to spent almost a year knowing each other, I learned a lot from you, thank you for almost everything even if it's good or bad. I just wish you had a great life, take care of yourself, and learn to be more mature from now. Good luck for your job, just so you know that my prayer always be with you, no matter what happen. God always be with you. :')


"Ich liebe dich mehr als du weißt.
 Ich hoffe, dass wir eines Tages wieder zusammen sein."

 The last big hug :)

                                                                             xoxo,

                                                                                              Lia.

Heart to heart

Hello everyone,
It's been a while since I had a "heart-to-heart" kind of post here right?
Hahahaha.. So today I'm here with this old kind of topic.
Well, you might know without I had to explain, it's always about love, heartbreak, disappointments, etc.
Yeah I know, life is never get easy right.
When you want something, you've got to try your best to get it, and when you already got it, you've got to try your best to keep it.

DUH, I wish I could just let go of my anger, you don't really understand how painful it is to see, to feel, to love, and to hold on to someone who barely don't know how you really feel, so am I. I don't really know what you're really think about me, how you really feel about me, how much you love me.
It's just like.... hold on to something that we don't know where they lead.

There's a time when I feel all tired, lose hope, and kinda think why don't you kill me instead of giving me this unbearably kind of pain?
There's a time I asked my self, "why?"
There's a time I said to my self, "It doesn't matter if I die tomorrow, I have nothing to worried about, nor consider about."
There's a time I said to people, "I don't even need anyone to be married, as long as I live happily, because you know what? If you love, love just make us a weak person, you breakdown, your heart breaks, and DUH.. all you can do is just seeing old pictures, listen to the old records, laugh because you remember how great your life back then, and how fucked up your life by now."

I told myself to let go, but I couldn't. 
It's just.. there's something about him I can't let go. You think it's easy to move on, but it's NOT!

Yeah I really did, I always look into pictures, and remember how happy we are back then, how I wish you're still by my side, you're still holding me.
I listen to the old voicenotes, just to make me feel a little more better to hear your voice before I go to sleep, and told ya the truth, I fell asleep right after I listened to your voices through our old voicenotes.
Go on, laugh a little harder. Hahaha pity me.
Still had the bear in my bed, and sleeping right next to me, seriously.
Damn, I think I'm going crazy soon, wtf.

Well you can say that I'm the girl who can't be moved. LOL
I barely asked myself why can't I just move on, just like few years ago, when I really had my very first heartbreak. hahaha.. remember my old blog in 2009 or 2010?
Oh old times, honestly I don't really care about it anymore.

Time flies, season changes, how about feelings?
In life, I learned that everything worth having doesn't come easy. Those thing that come easily, it eventually easy to go too. Don't rush into something. If it was meant to be, it will be, in the right time, in the right place, with the right persons. If someone wants to go from you, let them, if they're came back, they're yours.

Few days ago, I found this little quotation,

"You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness." —Julia Roberts

Agree or not? Well, I do agree.
Why forcing someone to be with you if they're not really want to stay with you?
Let them go, I know it's not that easy to let go of someone that means everything to you, but don't you think it is too selfish to force them to be with us. I know, change takes a little time.

I told you, I am a selfish kind of person, I'm impatient, I am temperamental, in my head..I've killed my enemies & those people I hate over and over again, I am an evil, I am cold-blooded, I am stone-hearted, etcetera..

I'm just a girl, I can only wait okay?
Well I know I messed up, I fucked up, I am mentally breakdown, but one thing I know for sure, I grow up, I learned from my mistakes, I try my best, I know the limits, and I accepted reality.

GROW UP YOUNG LADIES,
LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH LESS DRAMA,
LIFE IS NOT A MOVIE.


Well, the last but not least, I tend to hold on to this quote I made,

"Being happy is your own choice, not others."

So, just stop following what's people manage you to do instead do what your heart said, you know what you want, don't base your decisions off the advice of people who don't have to live with the results.

I guess that's the end of this "heart-to-heart" post.
I'll seeyou later guys! :)

 

                                                                                                               xoxo,

Lia ♥