Wanting or needing.

Hello everyone,
so long didn't had some chit-chat with you guys..
Well this wasn't exactly chit-chat, I just feeling a little down now,
oh human.

I was asking myself for few couple times, what's the best way to stay out of or get over any miserable moments that ever happen in my life (didn't mean to overreacted here), I know I sounds so stupid that for now I still can't get over all of those after few years passed. Well, maybe it's just because I had feelings that still left here. Didn't have to pretend that everything's fine here. It's NOT fine. I'm not fine to be frank.
I asked myself why. I can't find the answers. Am I still love him? Did it just a temporary feelings? Did I still want him? Is it love or what? In order to move on and be with someone else is that you have to throw all of the old feelings and make sure it didn't came back, if did, you know that only yourself can let it go in or cut it off. Your choice. I know I simply type it in words, but trust me, it's way too hard to live it. I am having a problem with those thing. Is it because I had a weak kind of heart. *lol

So, been reading all the true-story blog I found it accidentally. We are all have experienced similar things, I know you do. But I'm salute of every one of you who can just get over it and be happy with your life, I wish I could do so. I ask myself about the difference between wanting & needing somebody, and get these answers,

There’s a difference between wanting somebody/something and needing something/someone.

Here’s an analogy: You want a Prada bag, but you don’t exactly need one. Of course, your desire for that particular thing you want can be weak or strong, depending on several things.

You may want something really badly, with every ounce of strength that you possess, or you may only want it half-heartedly. On the other hand, you need oxygen; there is no real desire for it, but you have to have it, nonetheless, for survival.

Of course, there are circumstances in which a need may become a want. For instance, when you’re drowning, the need for oxygen gets so strong that the need becomes want.

In those few seconds, you want oxygen like you want your life — literally. Often, we only truly appreciate the value and necessity of some things only when we lose them, don’t we?

Want and need can be really different, but at times, pretty similar. So, what is love? Here’s the answer to the million-dollar question: Love is when you want what you need and need what you want. 

Now, let me spell it out for you further. I believe most love relationships start out with a state of wanting. When you fall in love, you want the other person very, very much.

And then slowly, over time, as you love, you also become more and more accustomed to that person, so much so that you might even feel as though you can’t live without him or her. This is when want becomes need. When you want and need something simultaneously, you can call it love.

When you truly love someone, you know that you want him or her. You can feel that craving in the depth of your soul and in every nerve and every fiber of your physical being. It may feel almost like an addiction or an unyielding obsession.

You know that there is lust, but there is also something more. It’s something that truly satisfies, yet leaves you wanting more. Indeed, love can leave you in a vulnerable state. Perhaps this is where “want” transcends into “need.”

It’s when you have become so dependent on the other person for your emotional and physical demands that you can’t live properly if he or she disappeared from your life completely.

With this person, you can feel a sense of familiarity and assurance that comes with his or her acceptance of you. You feel safe with him or her.

In a way, love can become a comfort zone, a refuge you can run to. Though, in another way, it can also be a dangerous place where you might get yourself or the other party really hurt.

After a breakup, it’s unavoidable that you will feel slightly needy because now that you’re out of your comfort zone, you just want to feel safe again.

It’s nostalgia. Even if you were to get back together after he comes begging at your feet, you might be satisfied for a while, but you won’t stay satisfied for long.

Because, in the end, he is still not what you want. He was, but that’s the past. You loved him, but now, you don’t. Now you feel like you need him only because he’s part of what that feels familiar.

Undeniably, he’s the safer choice, compared to being single again after such a long time. But, I can assure you that if you settle for this half-assed love, you are risking nothing but your future happiness.”

No one said going through breakups is easy, let alone leaving the person you thought you would marry. Yet, it’s definitely better than running away on the wedding day, right?

The truth is, love is never completely black and white. In fact, I think 80 percent of it is grey matter. Love can fade just as quickly as it can surge and fill your entire being with its magical feelings of happiness and bliss.

Lust is part of love, but love cannot be defined solely by the feeling of wanting someone. Desires can be ephemeral, just like feelings are mercurial.

And, when you need someone but do not have that insatiable want for him or her, it could be nostalgia or just lazy dependency.

Don’t settle for less. Don’t be afraid to leave your comfort zone in search of a person who could be better for you either. Like they say, you accept the love you think you deserve.

Take some time and think about it. Some things are better late than never, and love is certainly one of them.

I know it's hard to accept realities when once you thought that was the perfect one for you, but maybe you're not the perfect one for him. I've gone that wrong way. I thought he's the one, the first and the last. But in fact, maybe this just another lessons in your life. I am kind of afraid to be with someone else, to be frank, I kinda feel like I lost senses to love someone, to be in love for the exact. Sometimes I feel like I am the stupied human alive.

You said you want me to be happy, how can I be happy?

People said, don't put your happiness based in someone else, because when they're gone, so is your happiness.

Yes, it is.

You said you want me to moved on, how can I move on when you're still around.

There's a time when I finally can get over my feeling for you then you suddenly came back from nowhere, and those feelings came back. Let's say it's just nostalgia.

Yes.

You said I deserve better. I know I am. But if I'm seeking the good for the better, I would't end up still holding on you.

You ask me what you have to do. I can't. Even if I'm telling you, you wouldn't do it. I am selfish I know. But I can't be selfish with you. You know that too.

You ever told me that I was playing around with your friends, and even said that I'm close with one of your friend. OH HELL NO!! Even if I had that chance, I won't take it. NOTE THAT.

You once said that you love me, but it wasn't love that I understand it to be. If you really love me, you wouldn't do all of horrible things, you won't make me like living hell. I just knew maybe at some point you did really love me, but your love is not as big as your love to (well I won't say).

You said you know me, you  know exactly what I'm feeling. You said you know that you are all the reasons why I experienced those bad feelings. But I guess you did not understand them well.

I know maybe you had your own bad things happen, and I try to understand, more or less.

But as you said, that maybe someday.. even the nicest person gets tired, the nicest person had their limits. Well maybe this wasn't my limits, yet.

I don;t know what to say to you, or how. I am no good with face-to-face kind of conversations, as you already know.

Heart to heart

Hello everyone,
been few weeks didn't check on my blog, kinda busy with my bro's wedding day last week.
It's kinda unbelievable that he's now a married man. HAHAHA.
Well yeah.. it means that now I am the last one. OH, I still had one left cousin haven't married yet.

It's December already, yeah time flies so fast, and it's almost Christmas.
Well today.. I guess we had a heart-to-heart kind of thing again. After few months didn't get chances to "curhat" kind of thing here. I know that it's not a necessary thing, but here I am, I'm good at writing not talking especially when it's face-to-face. I go blank. I know I had a lot to ask, but seems like I couldn't find the right words to ask. Or maybe I am too afraid to face the truth. Well yeah that's me.
I'd rather keep it to myself than to express what I really felt, and then regret for not asking what I really want to ask.

So here's the thing, let me ask you a question.
I know this is weird. Don't get me wrong.
"Have you ever love someone to the point where you want to kill yourself for loving them too much, but you can't do anything about it, and when you had a chance to tell 'em because they asked, but the answer you got is too heartbreaking. And it stays on your mind, affects your mood, and you don't know what to do next.
And do you ever feel.. it seems like you really win, but the situation won't let you win?"
Okay I know my question is a little bit confusing.
I guess it's just me who can't get over something so fast, like "oh okay, you suck, get lost."
My life is too ironic I guess. I couldn't find any word to describe what I really feel exactly.

At some point, you know that maybe there's a little bit of feelings they left about you, maybe it's love, or maybe hatred towards you. Who knows?
And maybe they really love you, but their actions seems just... not reflecting that they really love you. Because if you really love someone, you didn't destroy the one you love.
MAYBE THEY LOVE YOU, BUT THEY DIDN'T LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO THE POINT WHERE THEY DIDN'T EVEN ONCE TRY TO FIX WHAT THEY BROKE.
Oh yeah, I guess yeah that's the matter..

Still, I had tons of questions that haven't been answered yet.
Can I just lists it below? Well, okay..
1. Why me?
2. Why am I always be the one who got blamed for making a decision that we both know I am not the one who made mistakes?
3. Why she can, but I can't?
4. Is it wrong to be "still" in love with someone I can't have?
5. Give me some proof that if you really love me back then.
6. Why did you force me to say what I don't wanna say in front of you? And then you give me an un-acceptable answer after that.
7.  Why did you still there, when you said that we will never be "us". (if you got what I mean)
8. If you tell me that it's for my own sake that we can never be together, it's my choice if I wanted to stay, and it's my choice too if I wanted to leave. CAN'T YOU SEE THAT after the time pass?
9. No matter how hard I try, and no matter how fuckin' tired I am, I can never erase you from my mind.
10. I know maybe at some point people said that you bring all the negative side for me. But I didn't think so. They maybe just knew the story, but not the one who walked in my shoes.
11. If you really want me to live my own way, forget everything, and get over my feelings, WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE?
12. I exactly know that having another man maybe can help, but I DON'T WANT TO.
I surely know exactly how it feels.
13. Be careful for your words, it hurts me, really. You just can't see it through my face. But I swear it hurts, and maybe if you were me, you'll be in tears.
14. If I already ask you those, what's the point of this all if all you can say is "we don't have a chance".

I still had TONSSSS of questions!!!
OH GOD PLEASE  JUST KILL ME NOW :(

I am sorry that I'm kinda mellow-dramatic bitch lately.
You can see it from what I've posted, every quotes, I just need to let go of some feelings that kills me inside. I don't know where to vent my feelings.
I never thought that I would be this weak, yes I'M FUCKIN' WEAK.
Maybe you see me smiling, but it doesn't mean that I'm happy.
Yeah I got a job, my job contains my hobby, It goes really well from the very beginning, but I couldn't help that at some point I feel tired, I had none to whine, I am tired to listen but nobody's listening to mine.

Maybe it's not about trying to fix something that's already broken, maybe it's about to throw all the broken pieces and start to build a new one.
Maybe it's the thing that could not be fixed, and you do have to be willing to let go.

Somedays are too hard for me to live it like nothing really matters.
I pray every night that maybe God is willing to give me things that I wanted most, I asked Him every night, I please Him, because I know that God always listens to His child. Even answer to their questions. Maybe you didn't get it right after you pray, but eventually He will. I know that He got the most amazing plans for His child.

Oh God,
I didn't know what to say. :(

Just a little thought

Hello everyone,
so here I am again, with some little thought just now, well I don't know, I feel like this blog is the only friend of mine for now, on this time I mean, it's 12 a.m, and yeah.. I just finished watching the IT movie, "The Fault in our Stars". Oh my God, I can't help but burst into tears. It's sweet, really, trust me. But it's also heartbreaking. Don't know is it because the movie is too sad, or it is just me. Oh no, the woman beside me burst into tears too. So I guess I'm normal. haha :)

Okay, first of all I just wondering that I was Hazel *cough*, she's the main character beside Gus. And while watching this sweet little guy named Gus, just made my heart flatters. I just wish that my future man *cough* will love me like Gus's did, oh maybe just like him, except the cancer and the death part, PLEASE NO. And oh this was my favorite part, while Isaac (Gus's bff) said, "I do not believe I have ever met a more physically attractive person who was more acutely aware of his own physical attractiveness.
'But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him."
Well, let me admit it, that quotes on the end is one of my fave, well I don't have a chance to say it to someone yet. :')

And this is my fave part of Hazel's :
“My name is Hazel. Augustus Waters was the great sat-crossed love of my life. Ours was an epic love story, and I won't be able to get more than a sentence into it without disappearing into a puddle of tears. Gus knew. Gus knows. I will not tell you our love story, because-like all real love stories-it will die with us, as it should. I'd hoped that he'd be eulogizing me, because there's no one I'd rather have..." I started crying. "Okay, how not to cry. How am I-okay. Okay."

I took a few deep breaths and went back to the page. "I can't talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this: There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a Bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.” 


And the next fave part is THIS :
“What else? She is so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.” 

Really I can't help but my tears keep falling down while watching it. Well maybe I used my heart a lot while watching some movies, yeah.. I just keep wondering if I'm in their positions. As you grow older, your heart speaks louder than your mind, just like acts speak louder than words. Get it?

Did I told you that I watched it alone in cinema? Is it weird? HELL NO.
If you know me, I'm a loner kind of person. I enjoyed things alone. I drive alone. I sing alone. I eat, most of time alone. I enjoyed me time. Well.. as long as I can do it myself, and I am happy with it even if I'm alone, that's literally fine. You could say I'm kind of freak. I don't mind. I enjoyed movies alone, most of the time, I hate being in crowd for some reasons. I started hating in a group of people, let me say, group of strangers. I don't know why, even when I'm in a group of people, I always feel like I was alone. So what's the difference being alone & being in a group but still feeling alone? I guess I'm the only one who held the answers. I'll keep it for myself. 

There's time I needed someone to stay by my side, but the time isn't right, or maybe the person I wanted to stay isn't right, etcetera, couldn't help but that's life. You can;t always get whatever you want. Something worth having doesn't come easy. I knew it, for a long time ago. Just like I said, "Easy come, easy go." Remember?

Dude, you have no idea how hurt I am by now. While some people convince me to forget someone, but I couldn't. Ah maybe I could, but it surely takes time, a long time. I am a typical person that once I hurt, it will always there, no matter how hard I'm trying to heal, but the scars is always be there.

When I love, I love deeply, deep than the ocean. But once I hate, nothing could change it. And while some poeple shows some wealth, I don't care, no matter how big or small is your house, no matter how much money you had, your grave is all in the same size, even if you're rich or poor. So stay humble.

And ohh.. I'm a vindictive kind of person, I will always remember every tiny little mistake, every details. Be careful, I might be keep my mouth shuts, and not saying a single word, but inside, I count & I know some bullshits through people's mouth. I may sound & act like a fool, but you never know what's going through my mind. So, watch your move & watch your words. :)

Well that's just a little bad side about me. I'm a good person but NOT an angel, I'm a bad kind of person, but NOT an evil. My behavior based on how you treat me. :)
Good day everyone.

Dissapearance.

Hello everyone,
oh my god, it's been so long didn't check up on my blog since last month!
SO sorry for my disappearance for a while, kinda busy with my makeup schedule *COUGH*, oh trust me I told you the truth. And kinda maintenance my life, well living a little healthier than before, including less clubbing, of course.

As you know I'm kind of party animal for current a year and a half, I don't know, it's like something is closing my whole brain & heart, LOL. Okay that's kind of weird words to say. haha.. Oh my, I really don't know what I have to say on this blog today, SERIOUSLY.

Ah few weeks ago, just on person could make me think, I mean think more harder than I already did, one person that can affects me & my life so much. Oh well I know, I won't say a name, or mention anyone. Just this person, could make me think that I can never trust anyone, ever. Because not everyone that smile at you is your friend. YES that's true. Oh okay I would say some words with indonesian cuz it's more easier for me to confess.

Yeah beberapa waktu kemarin, I've been so so so so temperamental you know. I got angry so easily, some people kinda pissed me off, to be frank, including some of my besties kinda pissed me off. Trus ada aplikasi called "ASK.FM" that pissed me off because of the stupid anonymous thing that could ask me whatever they like, including bringing some of privacy thingy. I was so so so so angry to the max, beberapa dr mereka aku rasa cara bicaranya terlalu sinis & nyindir, well it's me, aku juga jadi sinis sama mereka. Then, I kinda frustrated, with the things that's been happening in my life *didn't say that the world is against me but I feel like that sometimes*, with the ups and down.

And so, I need to say thankyou, thankyou for being there, thankyou for opening my eyes again, thankyou for opening my mind, I didn't expect anyone would say those things, but I'm glad that you said it, eventhough it hurt me, oh well I've been hurt so many times, so maybe this just cut a little bit & won't leave scars. #lebayMODEon hahaha :)

This past few months, I've learned a lot, I learned that you can't always depend on someone, the only one you can depend on is only yourself, don't expect someone not hurting you just because they treat you well, high expectation leads you to a deep disappointments. You can only trust yourself, and God. Believe that everything's happen for reasons, life's not easy as you wish, not as sweet as you thought, not as wonderful as fairytales.

So right now, live your life the way you wanted not what other people want to see it. 
Live happily even if you're sad.
Stop thinking about what other people would say, because even if you're nice, people always got something bad to talked about you.
Focus on being a better you, be someone that people said you couldn't.
Keep going! :)

Oh what else that I need to say, I think I'm blank.
I'll see you in another post really soon. *fingercrossed*

                                                                            xoxo,

                                                                                         Lia ♥

What hurts the most

Hello everyone,
so here I am with some little chit-chat today,
as I ever repeatedly told you, I prefer writing than saying right, especially when it comes to heart problems. LOL. Oh did you recognize my background music as now? It's bella's lullaby, one of my fave classic song besides river flows in you and kiss the rain, it's Yiruma by the way.
Ok, is it to melancholic? Well let's begin the stories from now.. (Did I sounds like a story teller? lol)

It's been for a while, oh well few months to correct, I've been partying like an animal, said I'm a party animal now on *gosh can't believe that I said that*, yeah I've been quite seeing and looking around those night life I've been going, I barely think that place is not really the place where I wanna go, I know when you got a heart break, you need some space, well to recover yourself I think, where you can hang with people who've been through the same problems as you are, you know, you're not the only one who got a problem right.

So, I've met this one person, well someone I know for a little while, it's my friend's ex, no need to mention whom or name right, it's kinda private I think. What I wanna tell you is the side of story about someone who've been through things together, who love each other before, who've been stabbed, who've been cheating, and finally regret some things they've done.

When I saw my friend & the ex together, not only me, but all those people who seen them, might think that they're a couple, a lover, oh whatever it called. But well they're not really together, yeah it's a "failed-to-get-over-ex'es" problem. hahahaha ok I've been through that phase too. But, what I'm shock about is when one of my friend asked the ex "are you two dating?"
Guess what the ex's said, "No, we're not." then my friend ask again, "so, who are you?", "I'm the ex." *cough*

I know how hurt is it to say those things, 'cus I've been through that too. lol.
Then I asked the ex, "why broke up?",
The ex's answered "yeah, some privacy problems."
Then my friend asked again, "why didn't you two get back together then?"
"That's not likely to happen, well we could never be together again."
*OUCH*
I know that they both still care for each other, but who knows? I only see what I see, but I never know the real feelings of those two.
Well I know that some people could love each other but not meant to be together, that's the sad part.
I wrote this just to let you know, that not only you who've been through this kind of problem, at least 1 or 2% of 100% living person been through that too.
But life goes on, just go with the flow, where your feet leads you, and where your heart feel in a peace.

I didn't mean to whining or anything, but I know how it feels like to feel the way how you really wanted someone to stay, but all you can do is letting them go and choose what they want, even you know, their choices may hurt you more that you could ever imagine.  But what's meant to be, will always find it's way right?

So that's the end of post tonight,
Goodnight everyone...

                                                                                                     xoxo,

                                                                                                            Lia.

Definitely not my year.

Hello everyone,
oh really I am so so so sorry if I have to whine a lot lately.
Let me tell you what happen last night.
OMG~ I LOST MY IPHONE wtf!!
how come? okay, I'll tell you here..

So, last night was  my bff's birthday party at M1 Superclub, okay, you may know that club from my old post right? I'm one of party-animal at M1 lately. Sorry, didn't mean to be a party-animal but what can I do? OK, skip from that thing.
I was invited to attend her birthday, lets say it's Tika's Legal birthday which mean she's turning 21. I totally enjoyed the party much. BUT didn't last longer, I admit I'm a little bit drunk, just a little bit, still I can stand with my two feet okay. Then when I want to leave, I see my clutch bag is opened, then I searched for my iphone and it's GONE. WTF!! I didn't know who took it.
The last time I touch it was the time when we're taking some pictures, but the result is too bad, well you know that 4s's camera isn't as good as S4 okay.
Then I put it back to my clutch bag, which mean during the party I didn't touch my phone at all. Oh SHIT, I really really goin' crazy last night. When I realize that my phone is gone, my face is like...



REALLY!!!
OH I never imagine this day, where I have to lost my phone, the one that took years to get.
And it's gone only within minutes, fuck.
Now I've been using my super big iPad, well I'm using BBM and line there.
Oh yeah, cmon laugh at me.
But everything happen for reasons right?
Maybe I'll got the better one soon, the good one I think.
Amen.. And glad that my parent's not mad at me.
Really feel sorry about that mom & dad. -___-"


And you know, i'm pissed off. WHY?
Okay let me explain with Indonesian ok?
Pergi ke club because I wanna have some fun, I need a refreshments, but what I got is totally out of control, iphone kesayangan hilang, dan itu sudah cukup merusak malam mingguku. shit.
I barely think that 2013 is really NOT MY YEAR at all. Why?
Let's see what happen back then, oh no no I don't wanna tell it again. Please be sure to read my old blog okay?
Oh I really wish 2013's gonna end very very soon!!!! :(

End of post, I wish it would never happen again twice...

                                                             xoxo,

                                                                  Lia.

Tearful year.

 
 

Hello everyone,
well first I wanna say Happy Eid Mubarak to those who celebrate it.
Sorry for my disappearing again since the last post.
And I am so sorry if I blogged any crap here in my own blog, oh well told ya, shit happen, as always. OH sh*t, I really2 f*cked up this time, no jokes.
It's happening again, as what I've been through last year. I just know that 8 was my lucky number *I guess*, but really, August isn't my month even it's 8! Flashback to what happen last year if some of you understand my story.

It's kinda fucked up isn't, when you love someone, deep in your heart, you want to be with him, NO MATTER WHAT. But what would you do if that someone doesn't intended to stay? And choose that one who've been screwed you in past a year back then! *Imagine you were me and said in your mind, "what the f*ck!?".* Oh oh, told ya, SHIT HAPPENS. haha..

It's so heartbreaking right, the one who told you that they love you, suddenly leave, and tell you to find another man, who's better than him, wishing you had a good life. Oh well well.. No words I can say could change anything. You know what it feels like when the one you love the most say that thing? It's like I was punched, straight in my face. Oh okay, well maybe that was the last time you'll ever see me smiling like it's okay, and I'll get over it.
Oh you know, I'm not that kind of smiley face mode ON or OFF. 
Told ya, my dad who's never asked me "are you not in the mood?" suddenly asked me that question today, then I tell him "nothing, just tired." 
Oh world's full of lie.

I know it's my fault, oh I didn't regret everything that's happened back then, maybe I just know before this happen, well actually my head knows sooner or later this will happen, but my heart still can't accept it yet. Oh screw me, I just hoping the impossible thing will be possible if I have faith on it. Well I guess I'm wrong. :)
"I know that someone came into our life to teach you lessons, well God let that person crossed our path just to teach you the lesson you have to learn." 
It's either to let go, or to stay with them for the rest of our lives. OH I really wish the reason is to stay for the rest of my life. But I guess God didn't have the same idea with me. haha.. You know, I only had one wish, I only want once in a lifetime boyfriend will be my once in a lifetime husband, now it's all gone. I can't fulfill my lifetime wishes. Pity me. haha I'm a daydreamer, I dream of the thing that not everyone can do it.

Someone told me, "heads up girl, you're precious, he's dumb enough to let a girl like you go from his life. Cheer up! Be happy! Oh please, don't get hurt more.."
Well that someone just one of my friend that I met at beauty course. Not gonna tell her name, but it means a lot for me, remembering that she didn't know me well enough and long enough to understand that something's not okay with me. Thankyou, at least there's someone who care.

Two days back then, I asked God,
"Why me?"
"Why this is happened to me?"
"Why again?"
Still, I didn't get an answers. Not yet.
He's my first, even when he said that he might be my first boyfriend, but not my first love.
I still count him as my first love. I know this wasn't my first heartbreak, I had many okay.
But I don't know why, I just couldn't let him go.
I asked myself "Why?" I didn't get any answer either.
My mind told me to let go, but my heart couldn't.
I told myself, "If we both really meant to be together, no matter how long, how far, how hard it is, you will always find a way to be together, no matter what. Let them go, if he's coming back to you, he's yours. Good things happen to those who patiently wait. Maybe we're not meant to be together today, but someday, we will."

I keep reminding myself to not to look back, I packed all the stuffs, pictures, and everything. I told myself, let the memories remain just as memories, you have to move forward, show him that he's wrong, that he should've try, because I know I was worth the fight.
OH I wish forgetting people is as easier as deleting photos from i-phone!! :(
No words can exactly describes my feelings for now.

OH God, I thankful enough I had one friend, not just a friend, she's my best friend, my sister, my partner in crime, she knows me from the beginning to the end of story. She accompanied me when I need someone the most. She cheer me up. I'm glad to have her. Thankyou Gab for always stay by my side when everyone else's leave. Thanks for understanding me, thanks for handling me in my hard times. It's good enough to have one friend that knows you than having a tons of friend but none of them understand you.
I really wish this pain will gone really soon.
And I'll be okay, someday, just not today. :(



I thank God that I am be able to meet someone as good as you are, be able to spent almost a year knowing each other, I learned a lot from you, thank you for almost everything even if it's good or bad. I just wish you had a great life, take care of yourself, and learn to be more mature from now. Good luck for your job, just so you know that my prayer always be with you, no matter what happen. God always be with you. :')


"Ich liebe dich mehr als du weißt.
 Ich hoffe, dass wir eines Tages wieder zusammen sein."

 The last big hug :)

                                                                             xoxo,

                                                                                              Lia.

Heart to heart

Hello everyone,
so long didn't check on my blog,
Kinda busy with my schedule *cough* hahaha..
Oh really, I spend my June with full-time course, I am now attending a morning class and afternoon class.
Well yeah, it's kind of a distraction for me, I think..
A distraction from my super-complicated-love-life, I don't have to tell you again okay? (If you didn't know or understand, well please read my previous blog on May, you'll get the answer.)
Okay this time I'll use two language, English and Indonesian.
I'm a little bit tired to type it all in English. Well, I just need some time to share, I am overloaded with so many things and problems.

To be honest, until now I'm still in confusions.
Oh when it comes to a heart matters, I think no one ever really know about how I really feel, how I try to be strong, what I was thinking, and the time when I know something that really kills me inside but have to try to look okay and used to it. Trust me, that time, I really want to kick someone in the ass and release all of my anger, but I just can hold it, it sucks right. Yeah I know, sometime silence is the best answer, because not everyone could really understand your words.
Remember this quote?

"If you can't understand my silence, how can you understand my words?"

Yeah, you know someone really hurt when they starts to ignore you. But, pity me. Even if I get hurt, I still can't ignore the one I loved. Tell me I'm stupid, but I never feel stupid for loving someone. If you feel stupid, then you don't really love them. Simple right?

I believe that IF I patient enough to wait, good things will happen. I didn't said that I have to wait until forever, 'cus for me "forever" doesn't exist. I only remind myself that God will definitely guides me, I know his plan is much more better than mine.
 I keep re-read this quote,
"The ones who love you will never leave you, because even if there are hundred reasons to give up, they will find one reason to hold on."

I believe that if he really loves me and wants me, he will not easily give up on me, like I don't want to give up on him. I know we still had a chance to be together. Well maybe not right now, but someday, we will. I know expecting too much can hurt so much, but how can I give up on someone that I can't go a day without thinking about? Ever heard, "don't give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about" ?

Well, some said to move on, some said to hold on, some said that I am too stupid to wait for something that I don't even know how it ends, hello... I know lah kalo nasib digantung itu ga enak, bukan cuma ga enak, tapi pake banget. But, what can I do?  Lemme tell you, segala sesuatu yang dipaksain itu ga pernah berjalan mulus. Why I can say that thing? 'Cus, I've been through a lot of things in couple months. To be honest yaa.. Kadang capek. Capek makan ati. hahaha * bahasa alay mode on*

Kadang mikir, kok sekarang jalannya susah, rumit, too complicated, too much drama, bla bla bla... but then, I've read a book  that tells me this,
"kalau sekarang jalannya susah, banyak rintangan, banyak halangan, bukan berarti kalian ga berjodoh, cobaan itu yang menguji kamu, seberapa sabar,  seberapa besar perjuangan, dan seberapa kuat kemauan kamu untuk bersama dengan seseorang itu."

A real relationship needs two people who fights, who trust and believe in each other, and two people who really wants to be together.
Fight for what you love, but you can't be the only one who fights right?
Oh why complicated life....
God, if we are really meant to be together, please lead us to the right directions..
AMEN.

As my only one distraction, now I am finished my basic makeup course, now I'm in personal! YAY~ I'm in a rush to Bridal course, well I think I'm going to have a basic makeup test in few weeks ahead. Wish me luck guys! *finger crossed*

I've wrote this blog cuma buat mengurangi beban pikiran, no offense okay? I told ya before kan, aku bukan tipikal orang yang gampang ngomong straight to the point ke orangnya apalagi kalo masalah hati gini *HAHAHA*, so I choose to write it on my own blog and hoping that someone would read, yeah I'm big on writing! :p

Well I think that's enough for now,
I'm a little bit tired and sleepy, you know what? For a couple weeks back then, I've sleep before 12 am! miracle happens HAHAHA, you know that I'm an insomniac. *duh*
Seeyou guys in the bext blog post SOON...

                                                                                                      xoxo,

                                                                                                              Lia ♥

Heart to heart

Hello everyone,
It's been a while since I had a "heart-to-heart" kind of post here right?
Hahahaha.. So today I'm here with this old kind of topic.
Well, you might know without I had to explain, it's always about love, heartbreak, disappointments, etc.
Yeah I know, life is never get easy right.
When you want something, you've got to try your best to get it, and when you already got it, you've got to try your best to keep it.

DUH, I wish I could just let go of my anger, you don't really understand how painful it is to see, to feel, to love, and to hold on to someone who barely don't know how you really feel, so am I. I don't really know what you're really think about me, how you really feel about me, how much you love me.
It's just like.... hold on to something that we don't know where they lead.

There's a time when I feel all tired, lose hope, and kinda think why don't you kill me instead of giving me this unbearably kind of pain?
There's a time I asked my self, "why?"
There's a time I said to my self, "It doesn't matter if I die tomorrow, I have nothing to worried about, nor consider about."
There's a time I said to people, "I don't even need anyone to be married, as long as I live happily, because you know what? If you love, love just make us a weak person, you breakdown, your heart breaks, and DUH.. all you can do is just seeing old pictures, listen to the old records, laugh because you remember how great your life back then, and how fucked up your life by now."

I told myself to let go, but I couldn't. 
It's just.. there's something about him I can't let go. You think it's easy to move on, but it's NOT!

Yeah I really did, I always look into pictures, and remember how happy we are back then, how I wish you're still by my side, you're still holding me.
I listen to the old voicenotes, just to make me feel a little more better to hear your voice before I go to sleep, and told ya the truth, I fell asleep right after I listened to your voices through our old voicenotes.
Go on, laugh a little harder. Hahaha pity me.
Still had the bear in my bed, and sleeping right next to me, seriously.
Damn, I think I'm going crazy soon, wtf.

Well you can say that I'm the girl who can't be moved. LOL
I barely asked myself why can't I just move on, just like few years ago, when I really had my very first heartbreak. hahaha.. remember my old blog in 2009 or 2010?
Oh old times, honestly I don't really care about it anymore.

Time flies, season changes, how about feelings?
In life, I learned that everything worth having doesn't come easy. Those thing that come easily, it eventually easy to go too. Don't rush into something. If it was meant to be, it will be, in the right time, in the right place, with the right persons. If someone wants to go from you, let them, if they're came back, they're yours.

Few days ago, I found this little quotation,

"You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness." —Julia Roberts

Agree or not? Well, I do agree.
Why forcing someone to be with you if they're not really want to stay with you?
Let them go, I know it's not that easy to let go of someone that means everything to you, but don't you think it is too selfish to force them to be with us. I know, change takes a little time.

I told you, I am a selfish kind of person, I'm impatient, I am temperamental, in my head..I've killed my enemies & those people I hate over and over again, I am an evil, I am cold-blooded, I am stone-hearted, etcetera..

I'm just a girl, I can only wait okay?
Well I know I messed up, I fucked up, I am mentally breakdown, but one thing I know for sure, I grow up, I learned from my mistakes, I try my best, I know the limits, and I accepted reality.

GROW UP YOUNG LADIES,
LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH LESS DRAMA,
LIFE IS NOT A MOVIE.


Well, the last but not least, I tend to hold on to this quote I made,

"Being happy is your own choice, not others."

So, just stop following what's people manage you to do instead do what your heart said, you know what you want, don't base your decisions off the advice of people who don't have to live with the results.

I guess that's the end of this "heart-to-heart" post.
I'll seeyou later guys! :)

 

                                                                                                               xoxo,

Lia ♥