Hello everyone,
long time have no chit-chat with you guys, especially in my blog.
Too busy with works that I have no time to open up my laptop and typing in front of it, so today I find myself a little bit.. weird. Well weird.
Not because something bad happen actually, just a sudden NOT-permanent feeling I guess.
Life is good lately, well not all good, but.. it's fine.
Well I'm gonna share today with you guys about the struggle between love life and works lately, well.. my struggle to be exact. Gonna share it with a little bit english and indonesian language so it will be easier for me to say, remembering that I couldn't remember every words on vocabulary right. HAHA :)
So.. where do I start?
I guess I'm gonna start with my life in the earlier stage, how's my family, and how's society makes me who I am today (not trying to be dramatic FYI).
Okay, so I was born in the middle of a small loving family which contains 5 people including me, my mom and dad who still married and loving each other through their ups and down, and my two elder brothers which is 10 and 4 years older than me, And they both already married now, so let's say I'm the last one standing *ehh*.
My childhood is kind of normal actually, but what made it special is that I never live a miserable life like my older brother who already share the ups and down with my parents, from 5 to zero (not 10 yet), I mean bankrupt. Yes. You don't misspelling. So I guess I'm kinda lucky at the year of 1992.
The former story actually is that my mom didn't plan to had another child after my second brother was born, because she afraid to get another BOY during pregnancy. So, she tooks a herbal medicine to slowly err... abort (read: abortion). Well she didn't check for the gender yet remembering that she was 3 months pregnant, and then my grandma (from my mom's side) tell her NOT TO EAT another herbal medicine and made her check up on my condition.
And OH luckily the doctor said that I'm okay and in a good condition so she doesn't need to worry that I might be born with disabilities. And how happy she is when I was born a GIRL hahahaha. I guess God is protecting me that time. :)
Nah, the time when my mom's is still pregnant, my parent's work didn't go so well, so they are kind of desperately needs money that time to finance the maternity hospital, which my mom needs to get surgery to give a birth.
But God helps them through it, my dad didn't intentionally play gambling, and he won in a sufficient amount to pay the hospital where I was born.
Errr.... that's not a good... start huh. :'D
Well yeah.. we can never choose how we live but I'm glad that I am alive.
They tell me after I was born, their works slowly raising, well not on too top, but it's good enough to finance all the family members. I guess I'm the one who brings their lucky star. LOLOLOLL!!
And moving to another chapters, bisa saya rasakan kalau saya tidak pernah kekurangan sesuatu apapun sejak saya lahir dan besar, mungkin hidup aku dulu jauh lebih enak drpd sekarang, bayangkan saja.. nikmatnya menjadi anak perempuan satu-satunya yang tidak pernah merasakan SHARING with another sibling, entah masalah baju, makanan, atau mainan. hahaha.. that makes me kind of egoism.
Apapun yang aku minta, tidak akan butuh waktu lama untuk mendapatkannya, mungkin inilah yang membuat saya SULIT MENERIMA kalau aku tidak mendapatkan sesuatu yg aku mau dengan cepat.
Begitu juga dengan hal melepaskan, saya tahu susahnya mendapatkan, maka dari sanalah saya belajar untuk tidak mudah melepaskan.
Dalam hal melepaskan apapun, entah memberikan barang2 saya yg sudah tidak pernah dipakai.
Too much that I can't type it one by one.
Time flies and it's kinda bit too hard, I fell in love with a guy who's 7 years older than me, that time I'm still sitting in Junior High while he's already in Collage and we meet online, Friendster is the most IT social media back then before moving to Facebook.
Eversince that day, we slowly lost contact and I meet someone new, but DUH I couldn't make it official cuz he's one of my bff's ex, I choose my friend over that boy, cuz I value friendship more..
After that, we both lost contact and well... I'm over it,
And then I meet the guy I met online again, when I'm already in Senior High while he's working already.. well we meet.. online like MSN, or still on friendster then moving to Facebook. We chat almost everyday, I know his schedule too. And once a while we meet unintentionally at the mall..
Haha everything seems run smoothly as I ever imagined (let's just say I'm a little bit "baper".
Till the day that breaks my heart was in my 17th birthday when I invited him but he couldn't make it with so many reasons. But then when I woke up in the middle of the night and opened my FB, I just realize the reason that he couldn't came is that he's just in a relationship with another girl (well it didn't last too long in the end).
But it affects me too deep that time, trust me.. I don't feel like living a happy life since that day, ga punya semangat ngapa2in, sekolah juga malas, ngapain aja malas, and I never imagine that aku bisa begitu , but thanking all my bff who cheer me up till I'm over it! :)
Then we graduated from high school, well.. I still keep in touch with that guy,but only just asking how you doing bla bla bla, nothing else.
My life's fine so far without him, and thank God that I made it, I get through it.
Moving to another chapter..
When I was still FAT as hell, well.. my weight reach on 89kgs after holiday to China (I weight 85 before going to china), and oh my god.. I never imagine that I would be that fuckin' fat back then.
I just think that it's fine as long as I'm healthy, and still thinking that if someone really loves me, it wouldn't matter if I'm fat). Oh damn.. anggap saja pikiran orang hopeless yg ga bisa kurus meski diet gimana aja, and after that, well back in 2011 I'm still fat as hell, then I started diet, slowly and slowly, after 6 months not going anywhere, NOT going to hangout with friends.. Finally the skinnier me was born, I know I'm still fat, at least I lost about 15kgs in 6 months, and I'm PROUD OF IT, I show them that I CAN, and here I am.. I'm reaching 75kg, and then slowly to 70kgs, and slowly gaining 5kgs again, and then back to 70kgs, it stays about few years. And now still in diet condition, and reaching the 65kgs!!
5 more kgs to go! Well, it's good if I could make it 10 kgs more to lose :)
Moving to another chapters again,
I meet a guy while I'm still in dieting progress, and yeah we meet online, yes online all over again.
After the incident few years ago, I never responded anyone from online, I never never never had feelings from someone that I didn't know personally or I never saw in real life.
There's a lot of guy that keeps sending me a message but I don't respond it to be frank, but when I see that guy had mutual friends that I personally know I was thinking that "why not just be friend".
And slowly the time flies, we meet the first time at sutos, well.. that was the first time I see him, and it took only.. well maybe 3 minutes. And slowly we getting closer and closer, through ups and down, through every problems, well.. it didn't took so long for us to finally be in a relationship that time, but it didn't last for so long, only 5 months and it's LDR (you know LDR sucks really). (Sebut saja, hal yang di dapat terlalu cepat ga akan bertahan lama).
Ingatlah, aku yg sekarang bukan aku yang pernah kamu kenal beberapa tahun lalu..
I used to hate clubbing, I never drink alcohol, I never stay up late outside my house more than 12 am, I follow the rules. I am a good good girl, before someone totally brokes my heart to pieces. Remember that.. that guy used to be my first boyfriend, and I was like thinking that maybe he's the right one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. BUT I GUESS I'M WRONG. Anggap saja dibutakan cinta & terlalu polos hahahahahaha :)
It was my second heartbreak, well.. heartbreak ter-PARAH I guess. :)
What's a relationship that builds up with lie lie and lie?
Oh well.. (anggap saja masih terlalu polos saat itu hingga mudah sekali dibohongi dan termakan janji2 palsu wkwkwkwk)
Dan pertama kalinya bisa sayang setelah sekian lama, tapi ternyata...
Sayang itu gak dihargai :)
Eversince that day, I completely lose my mind, well.. I ever thought that it's better to not to get attached with someone else and let my mom or grandma pick someone who I had to marry with (istilahnya kesel cari pasangan yg pas, mendingan dicariin tinggal jalanin, kalo nantinya ga cocok ya udah kan at least bukan salah aku kalo SALAH PILIH PASANGAN, drpd mencocokan diri tapi pada akhirnya ga bisa bersama *ceileh*)
I never trust someone easily after that, all I can hear was a lie, lie, and lie :)
And seems that I can't even know which real and which is a lie.
That was me post break-up, labil dan gampang terpengaruh buruk -____-
Yg dulunya anak baik yang manis ga aneh2..
Look at me now, I go clubbing, I drink alcohol, mostly few times a week. Pernah mabuk, tapi untuk sekarang sudah cukup lah masa-masa mabuk2an, meski mabuk masih bisa kontrol diri pulang ke rumah sendiri bawa mobil pula. LOL!
Well this was my first time telling people this, and I hope kalian bukan menyalah artikan, I asked permission to go clubbing, both my parents and brothers knows it. Bukan yg aku diem2 pergi ga bilang kalau clubbing dsb.
Thank God I had the COOLEST FAMILY ever!!!
Sometimes I feel sorry to my parents that I ended up having a bad habit. Well I couldn't say what's the reason of my rebellious act, because I was thinking that NOT EVERYONE understand and accepts. Remembering that my other family is too KOLOT and my bestfriends used to know me as a one of good person (at least not that bad).
It's hard to find someone to share, I mean, bener-bener ngerti and didn't judge me because of it.
And after post breaks up,
before I am unemployed, I didn't go to collage, I think it's wasting time, cuz all of my family members that go to collage ends up... buka toko sendiri & jadi ibu2 RT (re: Rumah tangga).
So I simply think that collage is not that important, at least for me..
Dr sana lah hidup jd pengacara dimulai, alias pengangguran banyak acara, aku poikir sih beberapa bulan lah nganggur dulu, bosen juga belajar trus.. ga kerasa, time flies, sudah jd pengacara selama 3 tahun, HAHAHAHA terhitung lulus SMA taun 2010, baru2 belajar yg namanya makeup di 2013, sampe skrg kerjaan jadi makeup-artist wkwkwk :D
Nah moving to working life that I've been having in current 2 years now,
first of all I never imagine my life now, I never imagine that I would be a makeup-artist, ever.
Yes I do love makeup since I was 2 years old. I used to play with my mom's lipstick and draw all over the wall with it. hahahahaha :D
Well, it's all started when someone told me to go to course, at least I'm not a pengangguran. But I didn't do it langsung, instead because of a lot of people kinda annoys me, dan banyak orang yg ngatain, nyindir, dan jelek2in, they said that I couldn't, aku gak bisa kerja, bisanya cuma makan tidur shopping ngabis2in duit ortu, well I know that, why not?? Mama2 guehhh, kenapa lu yg sewot, iri banget jd org wkwkwkwk :p
Ingatlah, itu pikiran anak yg masih menginjak usia 20 tahun dan dalam masa2 labil.
I'm not the type of person who socialized too much, especially with strangers, I choose the people I want to interact with, if you can't catch my attention, well.. sorry I won't responded you.
But it's all changes, the way I look at people, and how I respond.
I have to be nice, be nice, and be nice.
My job is to interact with people, and also with strangers.
That way I change a little bit socialized.
But I remember one of the reason, I want to proof to someone that I could be a better one, better than I am before, better than me that he met earlier, that Lia's from 0 to 9 (10 is too perfect).
I want to make him regret of losing me. REMEMBER THAT.
I am arrogant, sarcastic, and a little bit kasar. hahaha. I always think that I have to be better better and better each day.
That man told me to find someone MUCH MORE BETTER THAN HIM, financial or looks.
But, looking at someone who he chooses instead of me.. yang ga ada apa-apanya, sorry to say.. bitchy & ga punya etika. (ga usah sewot kalo merasa WKWKWK kan di dunia yg bitchy & ga punya etika ga cuma elu doangg keleusss)
Sungguh mengecewakan to be frank.. :)
And if you think you're perfect, DUH.. nobody's perfect!
Even the kindest person have sins.
Even those people who go to church on Sunday too!!
Nah the point is, iya kalo kalahnya sama bule sihhhh guehh terima aja, uda keliatan kalee kalahnya dimana hahahaha lah ini..... :D (that's exactly what I thought few years ago)
Beside those things, I want to prove to both of my parents that I could make them proud!
I know lah kalo ga banyak yg bisa mereka banggain dari aku, udah ga pernah nurut, susah diatur, kepala batu, se enaknya sendiri, egois, yaaa maklum lah ya ga pernah ada saingan dari kecil, apa-apa juga punya sendiri GA SHARING, jadi TOLONG DEH YAAA kalo masalah sharing, it's a big NO NO, apalagi sharing pasangan WKWKWKWKWK! :D
Boro-boro sharing, elu pake 1x aja kagak rela deh guehh asliii.. LOL
As time flies and putting much effort to be who I am today that I never ever imagined of, I am thanking God for all of the problems he put me through, karena.. dimana problem ngebuat aku yg sekarang bukan aku yang dulu, yang bisa dibilang lemah mentalnya lah yaa..
Sometimes, aku pikir aku terlalu keras, and takes life too seriously. Yes obviously.
So many of my friends, told me to take it easy, play the game, have fun with boys, and forget the rules and take chances, fuck off with what happen tomorrow. HEY, I CAN'T!!
You just don't know me well enough to say that to me, I had a deep and very deep thoughts of it.
Kamu belum tahu susahnya jadi aku, although all of you see me doing WELL and LIVE WELL.
I will never be in a relationship that I know it wouldn't last longer, I knew my life, my family.
When two people were married, it means two families are married too!
I know I sounds too old, but thats exactly what I thought.
Saya bukan type orang yang mau PHP-in orang lain, karena saya TAHU PERSIS bagaimana rasanya di PHP hahahahahaha njirrrr sakitnya bukan main sob!
Bukan type orang yang suka mainin orang yg emg serius, karena saya TAHU PERSIS rasanya dipermainkan waktu serius.
Bukan type orang yg mau BAPER, biar jauh-jauh dr sakit hati, karena saya TAHU PERSIS rasanya sakit hati, berasa uda mati rasa kali yaa skrg kalo ditanya..
In my life, well.. from the very first beginning, aku sudah punya pegangan hidup, punya tuntutan hidup yang setidaknya harus dijalani meskipun I don't really care. Semua sudah tertanam di mindset, and it's NOT THAT EASY to let go of that mindset..
Tidaklah mudah menjadi seorang Lia Octaviani yang selama ini dikenal orang sungguh menikmati hidup dan mudah menjalani hidup (maaf yaa kata2nya sedikit dramatis hahahaha).
Seorang Lia Octaviani yang dikenal menjadi makeup-artist.
Seorang Lia Octaviani yang orang-orang tahu mudah cari duit.
Seorang Lia Octaviani yang hidup sedikit hedon meskipun ga seperti cece2 sosialita yg lebay lifestylenya diumbar-umbar. (ga nyalahin sihh namanya juga org hedon wkwkwkwkwk)
Seorang Lia Octaviani yang setiap weekend selalu clubbing.
Seorang Lia Octaviani yang dulunya gendut skrg lumayan agak kurus (HAHAHAHA).
Satu kata yaa... GAK GAMPANG! :)
I guess I'm lucky enough to live a wonderful life, thankyou to both of my parents yang sudah maksa belajar makeup, kalo ga beneran dehh ga bisa menikmati hidup skrg :)
I wish both of my parents live longer than I am.
Wouldn't trade them with anything.
Just because you see me drinking, clubbing, doesn't mean I'm a bad person.
Setidaknya meski ak clubbing, aku masih tahu BATAS, I will never touch drugs.
Masih ada tanggung jawab kerja, kerja ya kerja, clubbing ya clubbing, meski kadang kerja after clubbing hahahaha :D
It took me years to realize that it wasn't a good habit.
I'm grateful, that I still had bunch of friends that encourage me to be better.
Kamu ga bisa menyalahkan keadaan entah dr segi keluarga atau masa lalu yg kelam untuk jadi seseorang yang bisa dibilang RUSAK, karena itu pilihan..
Sebagaimana kamu membawa dirimu, setidaknya lebih maju, bukan mundur..
Jangan salahkan keadaan kalau nanti kamu termasuk orang yang GAGAL menjalani hidup, karena hidupmu ada di tanganmu.
Lingkungan juga lah yang membuat dirimu, antara jadi lebih maju, atau mundur..
Berterima kasihlah pada mereka yang masih mengkritik kamu, because they paid more attention.
Bersedihlah saat tidak ada lagi mereka yang mengkritik, karena dari sana lah kamu tahu kalau mungkin mereka sudah melupakan kamu.
Jangan merasa terintimidasi dengan omongan mereka yang mungkin tidak enak di dengar, tapi jadikanlah itu boomerang untuk mau bisa menjadi sosok seseorang yang BETTER dan LEBIHHHH baik dr kamu sekarang. :)
And now it's about friendship..
BEDAKANLAHHHH!!!
Dalam arti mana teman yang bisa kamu ajak bersenang-senang saja, dan mana teman yang bisa bersedih dan senang bersama. Dan juga mana teman yang bisa membuatmu jauh lebih baik dan maju, dan mana teman yg membuatmu mundur, dan mana teman yg sengaja dekat supaya bisa melihatmu jatuh perlahan.
Teman bersenang-senang dalam arti seperti saya yaa... clubbing (contoh paling mudah).
Teman bersedih dan senang dalam arti saya ya... yg ada waktu kamu susah senang, bukan yg susah ditinggal, tapi kalo seneng2 selalu muncul. :)
Teman yg bisa jadiin kamu lebih baik itu teman yg bisa mengkritik kamu, and encourage you. Kalau ketemu selalu ada pembahasan yang bermutu, contoh saja masalah pekerjaan, dan mungkin yg bisa membantu pekerjaanmu.
Teman yg membuatmu selangkah mundur dalam arti saya ya yg ngajak2 rusak WKWKWKWKWK contoh aja yg ngajak2 ngeroom, ngobat, dan apapun yg sekiranya tidak baik untuk masa depanmu.
Karena bagi saya, teman yang baik itu kalau mau rusak ya rusak sendiri, ga ngajak2 yg lain.
Teman yg sengaja dekat biar bisa lihat kamu jatoh itu yaaa.... yang kyk gitu ituhh lah. Baik di depan, dibelakang main tusuk. HAHAHAHA :)
Memang ga heran sihh jaman sekarang apapun dilakoni biar puas, temen sendiri aja dimakan. GILEEE ga tuh lu.. :)))
TAPI, sebagaimana kalo kamu teman yg baik, setidaknya kasih pengertian mereka supaya kembali ke jalan yg lurus, masalah diterima ato nggak nya nasehat kamu, yaa terserah yg melakoni, syukur2 diterima, kalo ga ya uda deh yaa..
toh nantinya yg menjalani dan rugi yaa yg bersangkutan...
Kita mahh bawa dalam doa aja :)
Pada dasarnya orang yg mau berubah jadi lebih baik bisa menelaah yg baik, bukan terintimidasi dgn nasehat.
Sebelum bertidak, pikirkanlah panjang2, karena... yg sudah terjadi ya terjadilah..
Tidak ada waktu yg bisa diputar kembali. :)
Someone told me, ga usah menyesali apa yang sudah terjadi, tapi jadikanlah itu pelajaran supaya kamu tidak jatuh dilubang yang sama..
Kamu melakukannya juga atas dasar rasa sayang, meskipun rasa sayangmu itu kadang disalah-arti kan.
Yg terpenting sekarang, sebagaimana kamu berusaha jd lebih baik, dan bisa membedakan mana yg baik dan buruk.
Ketahuilah, karma itu ada percaya tidak percaya..
Ga selamanya orang yg diatas itu selalu ada di atas, dan yg dibawah selalu di bawah.
Do good and be good, so the good will come to you!! :)
Oh God, I never thought I will wrote this blog SO LONG..
I am sorry to make you read this..
Saya cuma sebatas mencurahkan pikiran, tanpa mau menyindir pihak mana pun, jd no offense yee cyinn..
So this will be my last long post, and the end of this post..
Lega sekali setelah sekian lama ada waktunya untuk mencurahkan uneg2 :)
Have a good day fellas, till the next post!
xoxo,
Lia ♥
Hello everyone,
so here I am again, with some little thought just now, well I don't know, I feel like this blog is the only friend of mine for now, on this time I mean, it's 12 a.m, and yeah.. I just finished watching the IT movie, "The Fault in our Stars". Oh my God, I can't help but burst into tears. It's sweet, really, trust me. But it's also heartbreaking. Don't know is it because the movie is too sad, or it is just me. Oh no, the woman beside me burst into tears too. So I guess I'm normal. haha :)
Okay, first of all I just wondering that I was Hazel *cough*, she's the main character beside Gus. And while watching this sweet little guy named Gus, just made my heart flatters. I just wish that my future man *cough* will love me like Gus's did, oh maybe just like him, except the cancer and the death part, PLEASE NO. And oh this was my favorite part, while Isaac (Gus's bff) said, "I do not believe I have ever met a more physically attractive person who was more acutely aware of his own physical attractiveness.
'But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him."
Well, let me admit it, that quotes on the end is one of my fave, well I don't have a chance to say it to someone yet. :')
And this is my fave part of Hazel's :
“My name is Hazel. Augustus Waters was the great sat-crossed love of my life. Ours was an epic love story, and I won't be able to get more than a sentence into it without disappearing into a puddle of tears. Gus knew. Gus knows. I will not tell you our love story, because-like all real love stories-it will die with us, as it should. I'd hoped that he'd be eulogizing me, because there's no one I'd rather have..." I started crying. "Okay, how not to cry. How am I-okay. Okay."
I took a few deep breaths and went back to the page. "I can't talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this: There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a Bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.”
And the next fave part is THIS :
“What else? She is so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.”
Really I can't help but my tears keep falling down while watching it. Well maybe I used my heart a lot while watching some movies, yeah.. I just keep wondering if I'm in their positions. As you grow older, your heart speaks louder than your mind, just like acts speak louder than words. Get it?
Did I told you that I watched it alone in cinema? Is it weird? HELL NO.
If you know me, I'm a loner kind of person. I enjoyed things alone. I drive alone. I sing alone. I eat, most of time alone. I enjoyed me time. Well.. as long as I can do it myself, and I am happy with it even if I'm alone, that's literally fine. You could say I'm kind of freak. I don't mind. I enjoyed movies alone, most of the time, I hate being in crowd for some reasons. I started hating in a group of people, let me say, group of strangers. I don't know why, even when I'm in a group of people, I always feel like I was alone. So what's the difference being alone & being in a group but still feeling alone? I guess I'm the only one who held the answers. I'll keep it for myself.
There's time I needed someone to stay by my side, but the time isn't right, or maybe the person I wanted to stay isn't right, etcetera, couldn't help but that's life. You can;t always get whatever you want. Something worth having doesn't come easy. I knew it, for a long time ago. Just like I said, "Easy come, easy go." Remember?
Dude, you have no idea how hurt I am by now. While some people convince me to forget someone, but I couldn't. Ah maybe I could, but it surely takes time, a long time. I am a typical person that once I hurt, it will always there, no matter how hard I'm trying to heal, but the scars is always be there.
When I love, I love deeply, deep than the ocean. But once I hate, nothing could change it. And while some poeple shows some wealth, I don't care, no matter how big or small is your house, no matter how much money you had, your grave is all in the same size, even if you're rich or poor. So stay humble.
And ohh.. I'm a vindictive kind of person, I will always remember every tiny little mistake, every details. Be careful, I might be keep my mouth shuts, and not saying a single word, but inside, I count & I know some bullshits through people's mouth. I may sound & act like a fool, but you never know what's going through my mind. So, watch your move & watch your words. :)
Well that's just a little bad side about me. I'm a good person but NOT an angel, I'm a bad kind of person, but NOT an evil. My behavior based on how you treat me. :)
Good day everyone.
Hello everyone,
so here I am with some little chit-chat today,
as I ever repeatedly told you, I prefer writing than saying right, especially when it comes to heart problems. LOL. Oh did you recognize my background music as now? It's bella's lullaby, one of my fave classic song besides river flows in you and kiss the rain, it's Yiruma by the way.
Ok, is it to melancholic? Well let's begin the stories from now.. (Did I sounds like a story teller? lol)
It's been for a while, oh well few months to correct, I've been partying like an animal, said I'm a party animal now on *gosh can't believe that I said that*, yeah I've been quite seeing and looking around those night life I've been going, I barely think that place is not really the place where I wanna go, I know when you got a heart break, you need some space, well to recover yourself I think, where you can hang with people who've been through the same problems as you are, you know, you're not the only one who got a problem right.
So, I've met this one person, well someone I know for a little while, it's my friend's ex, no need to mention whom or name right, it's kinda private I think. What I wanna tell you is the side of story about someone who've been through things together, who love each other before, who've been stabbed, who've been cheating, and finally regret some things they've done.
When I saw my friend & the ex together, not only me, but all those people who seen them, might think that they're a couple, a lover, oh whatever it called. But well they're not really together, yeah it's a "failed-to-get-over-ex'es" problem. hahahaha ok I've been through that phase too. But, what I'm shock about is when one of my friend asked the ex "are you two dating?"
Guess what the ex's said, "No, we're not." then my friend ask again, "so, who are you?", "I'm the ex." *cough*
I know how hurt is it to say those things, 'cus I've been through that too. lol.
Then I asked the ex, "why broke up?",
The ex's answered "yeah, some privacy problems."
Then my friend asked again, "why didn't you two get back together then?"
"That's not likely to happen, well we could never be together again."
*OUCH*
I know that they both still care for each other, but who knows? I only see what I see, but I never know the real feelings of those two.
Well I know that some people could love each other but not meant to be together, that's the sad part.
I wrote this just to let you know, that not only you who've been through this kind of problem, at least 1 or 2% of 100% living person been through that too.
But life goes on, just go with the flow, where your feet leads you, and where your heart feel in a peace.
I didn't mean to whining or anything, but I know how it feels like to feel the way how you really wanted someone to stay, but all you can do is letting them go and choose what they want, even you know, their choices may hurt you more that you could ever imagine. But what's meant to be, will always find it's way right?
So that's the end of post tonight,
Goodnight everyone...
xoxo,
Lia.
Hello everyone,
oh really I am so so so sorry if I have to whine a lot lately.
Let me tell you what happen last night.
OMG~ I LOST MY IPHONE wtf!!
how come? okay, I'll tell you here..
So, last night was my bff's birthday party at M1 Superclub, okay, you may know that club from my old post right? I'm one of party-animal at M1 lately. Sorry, didn't mean to be a party-animal but what can I do? OK, skip from that thing.
I was invited to attend her birthday, lets say it's Tika's Legal birthday which mean she's turning 21. I totally enjoyed the party much. BUT didn't last longer, I admit I'm a little bit drunk, just a little bit, still I can stand with my two feet okay. Then when I want to leave, I see my clutch bag is opened, then I searched for my iphone and it's GONE. WTF!! I didn't know who took it.
The last time I touch it was the time when we're taking some pictures, but the result is too bad, well you know that 4s's camera isn't as good as S4 okay.
Then I put it back to my clutch bag, which mean during the party I didn't touch my phone at all. Oh SHIT, I really really goin' crazy last night. When I realize that my phone is gone, my face is like...
REALLY!!!
OH I never imagine this day, where I have to lost my phone, the one that took years to get.
And it's gone only within minutes, fuck.
Now I've been using my super big iPad, well I'm using BBM and line there.
Oh yeah, cmon laugh at me.
But everything happen for reasons right?
Maybe I'll got the better one soon, the good one I think.
Amen.. And glad that my parent's not mad at me.
Really feel sorry about that mom & dad. -___-"
And you know, i'm pissed off. WHY?
Okay let me explain with Indonesian ok?
Pergi ke club because I wanna have some fun, I need a refreshments, but what I got is totally out of control, iphone kesayangan hilang, dan itu sudah cukup merusak malam mingguku. shit.
I barely think that 2013 is really NOT MY YEAR at all. Why?
Let's see what happen back then, oh no no I don't wanna tell it again. Please be sure to read my old blog okay?
Oh I really wish 2013's gonna end very very soon!!!! :(
End of post, I wish it would never happen again twice...
xoxo,
Lia.
Hello everyone,
so here I am today with another chit-chat time again.
hahaha so sorry if you're damn bored with my blog contents.
Well you know in life, sometimes we're happy, we're sad, we're confuse, etcetera. And I'm on the middle of nowhere I don't even know what exactly I'm feeling right now. Weird. Yeah. Whatever you said.
So, I know it's in the middle of the night, where everyone is barely now sleeping and having a sweet dream, while me still awake and doing some random things, like this, chit-chat with my own laptop, listening to some random music, well I put it on shuffle, then checking on my facebook, trying few clothes (oh well idk why I do this such of things in 2 am LOL I think I'm a weirdo), looking at my beauty space OH i mean my own table with full of any kind of makeup, well most of all, I think a lot, I mean I've got this freshly brain in almost every midnight, oh yeah.. *am I too talkative? lol*
Now, what I was thinking is how my life changes a lot in just a year, looking back on last year, where I still a "jobless", you could say "pengangguran" in Indonesian, all I can think about is holiday, hangout, party-ing (well I start to go to such club last year before my birthday), shopping, manicure-pedicure, etc.
And thank God, now I had a job, I start to build up my career, I already taken my beauty class and ready to get another course in few months ahead, well I know I still can't get over from partying kind of lifestyle, pity me, but I'll make sure I will get over it really soon.
And umm.. Thank God for what you've done for my life, even if it's not always good, I really thankful, especially for last birthday present from you. I never ask for more, but you give me more than I deserve, well I didn't wish it would happen that day, but it was my best birthday ever, I can see that one person who I really wanted to meet, and voila.
Ok, now it's nothing.
Yeah.. I know it's been a rough year for me. I was end up getting dumped by someone I really loved, yeah that someone who I really wanted to meet on my last birthday last year, hahaha.. Well love sucks, oh no, people around us sucks.
But, yeah.. That's a part of life, you can't always get what you want right? :)
It's pretty amazing what a year can do, well you'll never know how far you had change if you didn't look back, you can look back but don't dwell on past, it's kinda useless you know.
I am glad that I can get through it little by little, there was something I really grateful about, problems that makes me who I am today, I know I'm not strong enough, but I know I will get through everything, if I want to try.
Still can't get through it? TRY HARDER.
I know it's easier to talk like that, but I exactly know how hard is it, but once you get through it, you know that it's the best thing that you can do. Sometimes what I really need is just time, people said time heals almost everything, but no, your wounds might heal, but the scars will always there, even if it's invisible. Agree? hahahaha why am I got a lot of quotations in my head huh?
So yesterday I hangout with few friends, well they're just like my third family, one of my friend said that "Cinta itu tidak harus memiliki", once I agreed with that quote, but the boys didn't. hahaha Idk why, but they said that "kalau kamu selalu mikir cinta tidak harus memiliki, maka kamu ga akan pernah bisa maju kedepan." Umm I kinda confuse with this FYI. People said, if you love someone, let them go, set them free, if they're comeback, s/he's YOURS. Oh it happen once, but yeah he's not mine eventually. hahaha..
Just so you know, I only said what I want to say, I tell you this long long story, doesn't mean that I still can't get over him okay, that's a part of life, you can never really get over something you know? Can you see, I'm still me, I'm alive, I never tied my life hanging on someone so when they're left, I still alive, breathing, and go on with my life. That's true, don't tie your happiness on someone else's life. They might once said that they can't live without you, but now SEE? they're still alive right? hahaha kidding. :)
When i said, I am happy if you're happy, even if it's not with me, it's fucking true. You know, I'd rather be a HONEST asshole than a LYING bitch.
I know exactly how it feels to be lied to. I don't want anyone else to feel the same way like what I already feel before. You could say that I'm blind that time, I know the truth but still act like a foolish girl who put everything aside just because of the love she had for that someone who never ever love her, respects her, and want her.
No one ever wants it, but people have to fall over sometimes, not because they deserve it, it's a way of life teaches you how to be a good and better person in the future.
So maybe, this is the end of chit-chat time.
It took me one hour to type this emotional kind of post. LOL
I'll seeyou in another post!
Ciaoooo
xoxo,
Lia ♥
Hello everyone,
well first I wanna say Happy Eid Mubarak to those who celebrate it.
Sorry for my disappearing again since the last post.
And I am so sorry if I blogged any crap here in my own blog, oh well told ya, shit happen, as always. OH sh*t, I really2 f*cked up this time, no jokes.
It's happening again, as what I've been through last year. I just know that 8 was my lucky number *I guess*, but really, August isn't my month even it's 8! Flashback to what happen last year if some of you understand my story.
It's kinda fucked up isn't, when you love someone, deep in your heart, you want to be with him, NO MATTER WHAT. But what would you do if that someone doesn't intended to stay? And choose that one who've been screwed you in past a year back then! *Imagine you were me and said in your mind, "what the f*ck!?".* Oh oh, told ya, SHIT HAPPENS. haha..
It's so heartbreaking right, the one who told you that they love you, suddenly leave, and tell you to find another man, who's better than him, wishing you had a good life. Oh well well.. No words I can say could change anything. You know what it feels like when the one you love the most say that thing? It's like I was punched, straight in my face. Oh okay, well maybe that was the last time you'll ever see me smiling like it's okay, and I'll get over it.
Oh you know, I'm not that kind of smiley face mode ON or OFF.
Told ya, my dad who's never asked me "are you not in the mood?" suddenly asked me that question today, then I tell him "nothing, just tired."
Oh world's full of lie.
I know it's my fault, oh I didn't regret everything that's happened back then, maybe I just know before this happen, well actually my head knows sooner or later this will happen, but my heart still can't accept it yet. Oh screw me, I just hoping the impossible thing will be possible if I have faith on it. Well I guess I'm wrong. :)
"I know that someone came into our life to teach you lessons, well God let that person crossed our path just to teach you the lesson you have to learn."
It's either to let go, or to stay with them for the rest of our lives. OH I really wish the reason is to stay for the rest of my life. But I guess God didn't have the same idea with me. haha.. You know, I only had one wish, I only want once in a lifetime boyfriend will be my once in a lifetime husband, now it's all gone. I can't fulfill my lifetime wishes. Pity me. haha I'm a daydreamer, I dream of the thing that not everyone can do it.
Someone told me, "heads up girl, you're precious, he's
dumb enough to let a girl like you go from his life. Cheer up! Be happy!
Oh please, don't get hurt more.."
Well that someone just one of
my friend that I met at beauty course. Not gonna tell her name, but it
means a lot for me, remembering that she didn't know me well enough and
long enough to understand that something's not okay with me. Thankyou,
at least there's someone who care.
Two days back then, I asked God,
"Why me?"
"Why this is happened to me?"
"Why again?"
Still, I didn't get an answers. Not yet.
He's my first, even when he said that he might be my first boyfriend, but not my first love.
I still count him as my first love. I know this wasn't my first heartbreak, I had many okay.
But I don't know why, I just couldn't let him go.
I asked myself "Why?" I didn't get any answer either.
My mind told me to let go, but my heart couldn't.
I told myself, "If we both really meant to be together, no matter how long, how far, how hard it is, you will always find a way to be together, no matter what. Let them go, if he's coming back to you, he's yours. Good things happen to those who patiently wait. Maybe we're not meant to be together today, but someday, we will."
I keep reminding myself to not to look back, I packed all the stuffs, pictures, and everything. I told myself, let the memories remain just as memories, you have to move forward, show him that he's wrong, that he should've try, because I know I was worth the fight.
OH I wish forgetting people is as easier as deleting photos from i-phone!! :(
No words can exactly describes my feelings for now.
OH God, I thankful enough I had one friend, not just a friend, she's my best friend, my sister, my partner in crime, she knows me from the beginning to the end of story. She accompanied me when I need someone the most. She cheer me up. I'm glad to have her. Thankyou Gab for always stay by my side when everyone else's leave. Thanks for understanding me, thanks for handling me in my hard times. It's good enough to have one friend that knows you than having a tons of friend but none of them understand you.
I really wish this pain will gone really soon.
And I'll be okay, someday, just not today. :(
I thank God that I am be able to meet someone as good as you are, be able to spent almost a year knowing each other, I learned a lot from you, thank you for almost everything even if it's good or bad. I just wish you had a great life, take care of yourself, and learn to be more mature from now. Good luck for your job, just so you know that my prayer always be with you, no matter what happen. God always be with you. :')
"Ich liebe dich mehr als du weißt.
Ich hoffe, dass wir eines Tages wieder zusammen sein."
The last big hug :)
xoxo,
Lia.
Hello everyone,
sorry for the super late post lately.
Kinda busy with some things, well I can't say what it is, but yeah.. it's more personal.
So maybe I'll tell you guys later, need to deal with it.
AH!
Happy Chinese New Year & Happy Valentine's Day to y'all!
hahahaha.. So how's your CNY? Got a lot of money right? Well, I got a lot too, but I've been spending 1/4 of it wtf.
And so how's your valentine's day? Is it PINK or is it BLACK like mine? lol.
I won't tell you why, but it's kinda complicated.
This year may be the most hardest part of my entire year, last year, you know the hardest part is the broke-up part, and how I try to moveon, how I try to deal with it, how I've changed so much, etc. IT'S SO FUCKIN' ANNOYING and I feel like I'm going crazy some times. Thank God I'm not, not yet. LOL. Thanks to my bff who keep supporting me.
I barely don't know what I have to do, and don't know who I can talked to, seems like nobody's understand me more than myself. I laugh a lot, I cry a LOT, get mad, mood-swing, annoying, oh whatever.
This year, I get a lot of lessons. I try to be more mature this year, mentally. Well, I know I am still 20 and 21 wannabe this year, but feels like I've been through a lot of drama, shit I hate drama!! I live in reality, not in a drama, so those who's a drama-queen or king, get lost. LOLOLOLL!
It drained so much tears, so much anger, so much logic in past few months back then. Sometime I feel so tired, told ya I had a badluck, especially when it comes to love. Well, unlucky, enough said. I wish I could really tell you all of my problems, and whatever that goes in my mind right now.
Well enough said for now, wish you all had a great day!
xoxo,
Lia ♥
