Wednesday, December 31, 2014

End of 2014.

Hello everyone,
so here it is, the end of 2014 in just 1,5 hours to go.
It's been a long long journey to reach up the page 365 of 365.
Through the happy and sad time, through ups and down, yes it's been a beautiful year for me, especially for my career, thank God for guiding me this far.
I've been feeling so down lately (read: frustrated).
Been struggling to beat it, trust me, if you can walk in my shoes, you'll be traumatized for life.
If it's not God who strengthen me during this time, I might be just commit suicide. Haha. Kidding. I'm not that stupid though.

Thankyou for my dearest bestfriend Gabriella who still there to listens to me, especially my super drama and never ending sad love story, I know you get bored of it at times, but thankyou for always there to listen when nobody really there (even sometimes you're gone too). I wish you a long happy life Gab.
And also my bff from elementary school Kartika, who care & listens to my problems eventhough we're not constantly talk to each other or barely hangout together in past a year.

And today I am here, in this really hour, no party, no drinks, no dancing on the dancefloor, not putting on any makeup, just here staring at my laptop and listens to some random musics on playlist.

I wanted to make myself resolutions on 2015, I mean so to-do list. It's hard to-do the task that I've made in past few years. Oh yes everything is in delay to be exact. I promised myself that I WILL DO WHAT I HAD TO DO starting from delayed to-do list 2012, 2013 and 2014.

Okay, so here's my newyear 2015 resolutions :
1. Lose another 5 to 10 kilos (AMEN).
2. Work more harder.
3. Forget everything that hurt me in the past 3 years (almost).
4. Let go of the things that I can't change, if it's meant to be it will be.
5. I'll go and get what I want, not just wandering & think "what if".
7. Getting a new haircut (oh maybe)
8. Give and take.
9. Be smart enough to choose people who stay & need to leave your life, for your own good & own sake.
10. Smart enough to show people what exactly how you feel.
11. Reduce my temper.
12. Reduce partying & reduce drinking too much alcohol too.
13. Live more healthy (I wish).
14. Forgive mistakes but never forget the lesson you get.
15. Forgive any sins I did in past few years.

Well that's a lot, to be continued I guess. :)
I'm wishing you a happy new year 2015
May joy and happiness surround you.
Let's start a new life from page 1 of 365.
Seeyou again in January 2015.


Pray for QZ8501

Hello everyone,
We're few more hours before New Year and having a heartbreaking news on Sunday, 28th December 2014.
We still don't know what happened yet, the cause of the lost airplanes of Airasia Airlines.

Deepest condolence,
My prayers goes to those who left behind.
Please stay strong and keep praying for all the victim's families & friends.
It is so so heartbreaking news to all of us, especially Indonesian.
Everything happens for reasons, God give us life, and God takes us back, in any time he wants.
Can't imagine that the last time you said goodbye will truly be the last. :(
Rest in peace to all the victims.

I wish there's still hope and some of the will be found alive.


Monday, December 22, 2014

Heart to heart

Hello everyone,
been few weeks didn't check on my blog, kinda busy with my bro's wedding day last week.
It's kinda unbelievable that he's now a married man. HAHAHA.
Well yeah.. it means that now I am the last one. OH, I still had one left cousin haven't married yet.

It's December already, yeah time flies so fast, and it's almost Christmas.
Well today.. I guess we had a heart-to-heart kind of thing again. After few months didn't get chances to "curhat" kind of thing here. I know that it's not a necessary thing, but here I am, I'm good at writing not talking especially when it's face-to-face. I go blank. I know I had a lot to ask, but seems like I couldn't find the right words to ask. Or maybe I am too afraid to face the truth. Well yeah that's me.
I'd rather keep it to myself than to express what I really felt, and then regret for not asking what I really want to ask.

So here's the thing, let me ask you a question.
I know this is weird. Don't get me wrong.
"Have you ever love someone to the point where you want to kill yourself for loving them too much, but you can't do anything about it, and when you had a chance to tell 'em because they asked, but the answer you got is too heartbreaking. And it stays on your mind, affects your mood, and you don't know what to do next.
And do you ever feel.. it seems like you really win, but the situation won't let you win?"
Okay I know my question is a little bit confusing.
I guess it's just me who can't get over something so fast, like "oh okay, you suck, get lost."
My life is too ironic I guess. I couldn't find any word to describe what I really feel exactly.

At some point, you know that maybe there's a little bit of feelings they left about you, maybe it's love, or maybe hatred towards you. Who knows?
And maybe they really love you, but their actions seems just... not reflecting that they really love you. Because if you really love someone, you didn't destroy the one you love.
Oh yeah, I guess yeah that's the matter..

Still, I had tons of questions that haven't been answered yet.
Can I just lists it below? Well, okay..
1. Why me?
2. Why am I always be the one who got blamed for making a decision that we both know I am not the one who made mistakes?
3. Why she can, but I can't?
4. Is it wrong to be "still" in love with someone I can't have?
5. Give me some proof that if you really love me back then.
6. Why did you force me to say what I don't wanna say in front of you? And then you give me an un-acceptable answer after that.
7.  Why did you still there, when you said that we will never be "us". (if you got what I mean)
8. If you tell me that it's for my own sake that we can never be together, it's my choice if I wanted to stay, and it's my choice too if I wanted to leave. CAN'T YOU SEE THAT after the time pass?
9. No matter how hard I try, and no matter how fuckin' tired I am, I can never erase you from my mind.
10. I know maybe at some point people said that you bring all the negative side for me. But I didn't think so. They maybe just knew the story, but not the one who walked in my shoes.
11. If you really want me to live my own way, forget everything, and get over my feelings, WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE?
12. I exactly know that having another man maybe can help, but I DON'T WANT TO.
I surely know exactly how it feels.
13. Be careful for your words, it hurts me, really. You just can't see it through my face. But I swear it hurts, and maybe if you were me, you'll be in tears.
14. If I already ask you those, what's the point of this all if all you can say is "we don't have a chance".

I still had TONSSSS of questions!!!

I am sorry that I'm kinda mellow-dramatic bitch lately.
You can see it from what I've posted, every quotes, I just need to let go of some feelings that kills me inside. I don't know where to vent my feelings.
I never thought that I would be this weak, yes I'M FUCKIN' WEAK.
Maybe you see me smiling, but it doesn't mean that I'm happy.
Yeah I got a job, my job contains my hobby, It goes really well from the very beginning, but I couldn't help that at some point I feel tired, I had none to whine, I am tired to listen but nobody's listening to mine.

Maybe it's not about trying to fix something that's already broken, maybe it's about to throw all the broken pieces and start to build a new one.
Maybe it's the thing that could not be fixed, and you do have to be willing to let go.

Somedays are too hard for me to live it like nothing really matters.
I pray every night that maybe God is willing to give me things that I wanted most, I asked Him every night, I please Him, because I know that God always listens to His child. Even answer to their questions. Maybe you didn't get it right after you pray, but eventually He will. I know that He got the most amazing plans for His child.

Oh God,
I didn't know what to say. :(

Friday, December 12, 2014

49K Visitors!

Thank you for those who spend a little time to read my amateur blog.
I promise I will try more harder to maintain this blog more often! :)


White swan

Hello everyone,
so long didn't catch up with you guys.
Been so busy preparing my bro's wedding, oh it's on 14 Dec this week!
Such a hectic week for all of my whole family, been busy preparing our dresses, vendors, foods, invitations, and so on. Oh gosh..
And oh, I just got my first headpiece, well it's an endorse anyway.
It's from my pretty young aunty, her shop name is Liping_bowtique, please kindly check it on Instagram, she sells a lot of headpiece and it's 101% HANDMADE!!
I bet you'll like them as much as I am.
I rarely use any headpiece in a special occasions such family party or friends wedding. I am keeping myself elegantly simple but stand out when it comes about dress up. LOL. And mostly BLACK.
So here it is.. pardon my selfie time :p

Pretty right? Oh thanks :p
The dress is mine which I once wore it at my bff's wedding last year, AND HAPPY it fits perfectly this time, it doesn't fit me right last year. So I am happy!! *ROTFL*
Well I guess I need another new haircut soon. look at that not so fresh haircut.

So that's a little update from me today. :)
If you wonder what products I've used above, go check my old post.
It's still the same products, except the illuminating powder. I use NAKED by Urban Decay.
Review will be posted soon!