Thursday, February 26, 2015

Wanting or needing.

Hello everyone,
so long didn't had some chit-chat with you guys..
Well this wasn't exactly chit-chat, I just feeling a little down now,
oh human.

I was asking myself for few couple times, what's the best way to stay out of or get over any miserable moments that ever happen in my life (didn't mean to overreacted here), I know I sounds so stupid that for now I still can't get over all of those after few years passed. Well, maybe it's just because I had feelings that still left here. Didn't have to pretend that everything's fine here. It's NOT fine. I'm not fine to be frank.
I asked myself why. I can't find the answers. Am I still love him? Did it just a temporary feelings? Did I still want him? Is it love or what? In order to move on and be with someone else is that you have to throw all of the old feelings and make sure it didn't came back, if did, you know that only yourself can let it go in or cut it off. Your choice. I know I simply type it in words, but trust me, it's way too hard to live it. I am having a problem with those thing. Is it because I had a weak kind of heart. *lol

So, been reading all the true-story blog I found it accidentally. We are all have experienced similar things, I know you do. But I'm salute of every one of you who can just get over it and be happy with your life, I wish I could do so. I ask myself about the difference between wanting & needing somebody, and get these answers,

There’s a difference between wanting somebody/something and needing something/someone.
Here’s an analogy: You want a Prada bag, but you don’t exactly need one. Of course, your desire for that particular thing you want can be weak or strong, depending on several things.
You may want something really badly, with every ounce of strength that you possess, or you may only want it half-heartedly. On the other hand, you need oxygen; there is no real desire for it, but you have to have it, nonetheless, for survival.
Of course, there are circumstances in which a need may become a want. For instance, when you’re drowning, the need for oxygen gets so strong that the need becomes want.
In those few seconds, you want oxygen like you want your life — literally. Often, we only truly appreciate the value and necessity of some things only when we lose them, don’t we?
Want and need can be really different, but at times, pretty similar. So, what is love? Here’s the answer to the million-dollar question: Love is when you want what you need and need what you want. 
Now, let me spell it out for you further. I believe most love relationships start out with a state of wanting. When you fall in love, you want the other person very, very much.
And then slowly, over time, as you love, you also become more and more accustomed to that person, so much so that you might even feel as though you can’t live without him or her. This is when want becomes need. When you want and need something simultaneously, you can call it love.
When you truly love someone, you know that you want him or her. You can feel that craving in the depth of your soul and in every nerve and every fiber of your physical being. It may feel almost like an addiction or an unyielding obsession.
You know that there is lust, but there is also something more. It’s something that truly satisfies, yet leaves you wanting more. Indeed, love can leave you in a vulnerable state. Perhaps this is where “want” transcends into “need.”
It’s when you have become so dependent on the other person for your emotional and physical demands that you can’t live properly if he or she disappeared from your life completely.
With this person, you can feel a sense of familiarity and assurance that comes with his or her acceptance of you. You feel safe with him or her.
In a way, love can become a comfort zone, a refuge you can run to. Though, in another way, it can also be a dangerous place where you might get yourself or the other party really hurt.
After a breakup, it’s unavoidable that you will feel slightly needy because now that you’re out of your comfort zone, you just want to feel safe again.
It’s nostalgia. Even if you were to get back together after he comes begging at your feet, you might be satisfied for a while, but you won’t stay satisfied for long.
Because, in the end, he is still not what you want. He was, but that’s the past. You loved him, but now, you don’t. Now you feel like you need him only because he’s part of what that feels familiar.
Undeniably, he’s the safer choice, compared to being single again after such a long time. But, I can assure you that if you settle for this half-assed love, you are risking nothing but your future happiness.”
No one said going through breakups is easy, let alone leaving the person you thought you would marry. Yet, it’s definitely better than running away on the wedding day, right?
The truth is, love is never completely black and white. In fact, I think 80 percent of it is grey matter. Love can fade just as quickly as it can surge and fill your entire being with its magical feelings of happiness and bliss.
Lust is part of love, but love cannot be defined solely by the feeling of wanting someone. Desires can be ephemeral, just like feelings are mercurial.
And, when you need someone but do not have that insatiable want for him or her, it could be nostalgia or just lazy dependency.
Don’t settle for less. Don’t be afraid to leave your comfort zone in search of a person who could be better for you either. Like they say, you accept the love you think you deserve.
Take some time and think about it. Some things are better late than never, and love is certainly one of them.
I know it's hard to accept realities when once you thought that was the perfect one for you, but maybe you're not the perfect one for him. I've gone that wrong way. I thought he's the one, the first and the last. But in fact, maybe this just another lessons in your life. I am kind of afraid to be with someone else, to be frank, I kinda feel like I lost senses to love someone, to be in love for the exact. Sometimes I feel like I am the stupied human alive.

You said you want me to be happy, how can I be happy?
People said, don't put your happiness based in someone else, because when they're gone, so is your happiness.
Yes, it is.
You said you want me to moved on, how can I move on when you're still around.
There's a time when I finally can get over my feeling for you then you suddenly came back from nowhere, and those feelings came back. Let's say it's just nostalgia.
You said I deserve better. I know I am. But if I'm seeking the good for the better, I would't end up still holding on you.
You ask me what you have to do. I can't. Even if I'm telling you, you wouldn't do it. I am selfish I know. But I can't be selfish with you. You know that too.
You ever told me that I was playing around with your friends, and even said that I'm close with one of your friend. OH HELL NO!! Even if I had that chance, I won't take it. NOTE THAT.
You once said that you love me, but it wasn't love that I understand it to be. If you really love me, you wouldn't do all of horrible things, you won't make me like living hell. I just knew maybe at some point you did really love me, but your love is not as big as your love to (well I won't say).
You said you know me, you  know exactly what I'm feeling. You said you know that you are all the reasons why I experienced those bad feelings. But I guess you did not understand them well.
I know maybe you had your own bad things happen, and I try to understand, more or less.
But as you said, that maybe someday.. even the nicest person gets tired, the nicest person had their limits. Well maybe this wasn't my limits, yet.
I don;t know what to say to you, or how. I am no good with face-to-face kind of conversations, as you already know.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Happy Belated Valentine's Day from me to YOU

Hello everyone,
it's been a while since my last post "wisdom teeth extraction"
and can't believe that time really flies too fast!

I'm here now just wanna say
Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

I am NOT that flowery kind of girl, but who doesn't love roses!
Yes I know it's a little not worth it to buy flowers but once again.. who can resist roses?
So anyway.. wishing you all the couples having a great valentine's day.
OH, I spent my valentine's day with some friends, and club also. HAHA :)
Told ya I still can't move on from nightlife kind of thing.
And I having a pre-valanetine celebration with my bestie too..

Till the next post guys xx ;)


Thursday, February 5, 2015

Wisdom Teeth Extraction (Removal)

Hello everyone,
oh my god it's February already!!!!!
I know time flies so fast..

Attention: this blogpost contains a disturbing picture of my bloody tooth.

So here's to the point as I said on my blog title, I am having my wisdom teeth extraction, or you could say removal, or odontectomy as their medical name oh whatever..
And I'll show you next my x-ray *lol

You can see the wisdom teeth is supposed to be straight, but mine had grown headed, and it causes my wisdom teeth can't grow out. Oh believe me, this is my first time having surgery (even it's small) still it's SURGERY!! Not to be dramatic here.. But it is less painful now, finally get rid of them. And the doctor is a dental surgeon, which is more expert of my case.

So, I spend at least a month (to get rid of those two), 2 weeks for 1 tooth, and waiting for it to healed then removing the other side. The first one is NOT painful at all when the doctor pull out my tooth, oh well she anesthetized me first before begin to slit my gum.

I don't know what she's doing, but all I know she separates my teeth with my bones, with some kind of bone drill. wohoooo it's a DRILL. Then she cracked my tooth but it doesn't cracked at all, she said that maybe my bones is too strong, and she need to drill it (again and again), so she separates my tooth to 4 pieces (that's creepy).
It takes only about 1 hour, remembering that's just a small surgery after all.

After she finish removes my tooth, she begins to sew my gums back together, and I need to let it healed by themselves. And don't ask me how it looks like, I look fvckin' disgusting, especially 1 day after surgery. My cheek's swollen, really BIG, of fuck I feel like gaining 5 kilos seeing my cheek like that, and my face doesn't look so proportional either.

Wanna see my tooth? hahahahaha oh I didn't took a picture of my first one, so here's my second wisdom teeth..

You may see that's only 3 pieces, but actually it's 4, the other piece is missing. lol
And you know what, the last wisdom teeth are the creepiest, why? the roots is like claws, so technically it's more difficult to extract. But it takes only 45 minutes for the second odontectomy.
Thanks to my dear bff Gaby who helped!!!!! GRAHH I am grateful that now they're GONEEEE :))

Do you spot the yellow bruise under my right cheek?
YES it's because the wisdom teeth extraction.
And the picture below is one day after surgery, SHIT look at that NOT PROPORTIONAL cheek!!!!
So I'm not gonna set it extra large hahahahaha *fvcking disgusting.

This one before going to my second surgery..

After surgery.. omg zombie alert! and you may see the exact difference of my cheeks. lol

Still pretty huh? LOL :p
The second one is much more pain-less that the first one, you know what? I can't barely smile after having my first odontectomy. Crazyyyyy. Hahaha.. I can only eat porridge for day 1 after surgery. After that? I can eat chicken, even beef! Hahaha :D
And for the second time, I only eat porridge for current 2 or maybe 3 days straight. To lose weight of course. Still can't move on with dietary obsessed.

And here's my current situation now (well last saturday) after thoseeee surgeries...

HA maybe I got a little slimmer face after all those removal thingy. :D
So, this is the end of the post!
Leave any comments if you're experiencing some kind of same situation as mine..
Till the next post!!