so long didn't had some chit-chat with you guys..
Well this wasn't exactly chit-chat, I just feeling a little down now,
I was asking myself for few couple times, what's the best way to stay out of or get over any miserable moments that ever happen in my life (didn't mean to overreacted here), I know I sounds so stupid that for now I still can't get over all of those after few years passed. Well, maybe it's just because I had feelings that still left here. Didn't have to pretend that everything's fine here. It's NOT fine. I'm not fine to be frank.
I asked myself why. I can't find the answers. Am I still love him? Did it just a temporary feelings? Did I still want him? Is it love or what? In order to move on and be with someone else is that you have to throw all of the old feelings and make sure it didn't came back, if did, you know that only yourself can let it go in or cut it off. Your choice. I know I simply type it in words, but trust me, it's way too hard to live it. I am having a problem with those thing. Is it because I had a weak kind of heart. *lol
So, been reading all the true-story blog I found it accidentally. We are all have experienced similar things, I know you do. But I'm salute of every one of you who can just get over it and be happy with your life, I wish I could do so. I ask myself about the difference between wanting & needing somebody, and get these answers,
I know it's hard to accept realities when once you thought that was the perfect one for you, but maybe you're not the perfect one for him. I've gone that wrong way. I thought he's the one, the first and the last. But in fact, maybe this just another lessons in your life. I am kind of afraid to be with someone else, to be frank, I kinda feel like I lost senses to love someone, to be in love for the exact. Sometimes I feel like I am the stupied human alive.
You said you want me to be happy, how can I be happy?
People said, don't put your happiness based in someone else, because when they're gone, so is your happiness.
Yes, it is.
You said you want me to moved on, how can I move on when you're still around.
There's a time when I finally can get over my feeling for you then you suddenly came back from nowhere, and those feelings came back. Let's say it's just nostalgia.
You said I deserve better. I know I am. But if I'm seeking the good for the better, I would't end up still holding on you.
You ask me what you have to do. I can't. Even if I'm telling you, you wouldn't do it. I am selfish I know. But I can't be selfish with you. You know that too.
You ever told me that I was playing around with your friends, and even said that I'm close with one of your friend. OH HELL NO!! Even if I had that chance, I won't take it. NOTE THAT.
You once said that you love me, but it wasn't love that I understand it to be. If you really love me, you wouldn't do all of horrible things, you won't make me like living hell. I just knew maybe at some point you did really love me, but your love is not as big as your love to (well I won't say).
You said you know me, you know exactly what I'm feeling. You said you know that you are all the reasons why I experienced those bad feelings. But I guess you did not understand them well.
I know maybe you had your own bad things happen, and I try to understand, more or less.
But as you said, that maybe someday.. even the nicest person gets tired, the nicest person had their limits. Well maybe this wasn't my limits, yet.
I don;t know what to say to you, or how. I am no good with face-to-face kind of conversations, as you already know.