Friday, August 30, 2013

Too old for drama

Hello everyone, 
well first of all sorry for the chit-chat thingy here..
Oh I'd like to use a little bit Indonesian too this time.
So, yeah.. I'm back into my blog today, cus banyak banget uneg-uneg yang ada di otakku sekarang. you know for the past couple months having a cat fight oh whatever you wanna say, this person really really annoys me so much. Oh really!

Aku ga pernah mau tahu urusanmu, mau kamu hidup kek, mati kek, apapun yg ada hubungannya sama kamu, I DON'T EVEN CARE okay. SO why you keep bothering me so much. Especially the harsh words you used, hellooo, pendidikan tinggi, tapi etika & tutur kata kok sama sekali ga sepadan sama education'nya sih? Itu mulut apa sampah haha *sorry*

Well, sorry for whining a lot in here guys, I just need to express what I felt, people get tired okay, tired to act like everything is fine, everything is under control, oh whatever. YOU said that you "set him free" ? OH REALLY? HAHAHA!! well I don't have to say anything, but just make sure that your words are 100% TRUE.

Remember what YOU SAID last year, if you don't please just SEE YOUR POST ON FACEBOOK, you said that you never want to destroy someone relationship especially your ex, BUT WHAT?! HAHAHAHA. Such a hypocrite.. So, if you're now reading this, what you wanna do? MAU NGELAPOR LAGI? hahaha udah gede masi suka laporan, anak SD ya? hahahaha.. But I don't really care, you already messed up with me & my life. So I wish KARMA hit you straight on your face REALLY SOON.

You said that I "WANT" him? Yeah, I want him. I want him to be in my life, I want him for the rest of my life. Is that wrong? I don't think so. I didn't "WANT" him for any reasons. Or maybe you are the one who "WANT" him for reasons?  No offense dude. And just to make it straight, I never forced him to be with me, or choose me instead of you, I already told him that HE'S FREE TO CHOOSE okay. And I accept the fact that he chooses you. SO WHAT'S THE MATTER NOW?! I don't even care about you, and all the things between you two. So get losttttt!!

And just to let you know, I am now OKAY, I'm fine, I'm happy, and I enjoyed my life as much as I can, just like before I met him okay. So please yaa ga usah bandingin rasa sakit yg pernah kamu alamin, perjuangan kamu, atau apapun. Cus, rasa sakit kita itu beda, cara berjuang kita juga beda, pengorbanan kita juga beda. Aku bukan ingin hitung2an disini, cuma ngelurusin aja, KALO KITA GAK SAMA dan GA AKAN PERNAH SAMA. Mungkin kesamaan kita itu cuma "pengen" sama orang yang sama, tapi kata pengen kita itu BEDA. Entah kamu ada maksud ato ngga, who knows? :)

Dan kalo emang kamu ngebebasin dia dari dulu, ga akan kamu ikut campur dalam semua hal, pake cara apapun biar dia ga bisa berkutik, mau ga mau dia harus pilih kamu. Well well, kalo aku ngelakuin hal seperti itu, itu cuma buat aku malu sendiri. hahaha.. Please, before you say something, pikir dulu.
You can tell people what I've done, but don't forget to tell them what you've done TOO!
Cukup tau aja kokkk.
And the last, I told you,
I am too old for all your fuckin' drama, and too young to give a fuck.

Karma's only a BITCH if   Y O U  are. :)

Oh okay then,
sorry guys, I think I'll see you later in the next interesting blog..


Friday, August 23, 2013

Here's to the past

Hello everyone,
so I'm back again with a little bit mood change *hahaha*
Well you know that I've been through a hard time in past a year back then.
Not exactly a year though, it's 11 months, and next month is exactly one year after those break up situation where I've spent last year drinking some beers with my bff's.
Oh I thank you for your supports guys, I 'm glad to have you all.

Despite of it, well.. I find it hard to move on, oh okay to be honest.. I already said that he was my first ever boyfriend. I guess you know how hard is it when it comes about "the first" right?
And as I remember one of my friend told me, you'll never forget "the first time" you do something, no matter what, you'll never forget it.
Oh I know I know, it sounds too much.. I get it. hahaha..
Oh first of all, sorry if I use an Indonesian a bit here, well it's easier to tell you with Indonesian, remembering that not everyone is fluent with English.

I know, semua orang pasti "pernah" memliki cerita sendiri, whether it's about first boyfriend, first love, oh whatever. And finally, I understand how it feels like when you really love someone, and that someone doesn't appreciate your love. I don't know exactly but aku rasa memang tidak pernah dihargai. hahaha sorry to be honest. And now, I am so grateful, why? I finally can let go of my past, even it hurts me, A LOT more that you think. hahaha *sounds too dramatic*
Aku belajar kalau kamu ingin membuang masa lalumu, tidaklah susah, seperti apa yang aku alami kemarin, itu kesalahan. Yah kita semua belajar dari kesalahan kan? Kalau tidak, kamu tidak akan bisa menjadi orang yang lebih baik untuk kedepannya.

Well, the first step that I did is.. simpan jauh-jauh semua foto, meski hanya sebuah foto, tapi hal itu yang membuatmu berat untuk melepaskan. *DUH, sorry bahasaku agak GAK banget kyknya ya hahaha*
And please, delete all photos even from your blackberry, iphone, nor your wallet, and don't forget simpan jauh-jauh, dimana kamu bakal jarang liat semua itu. Kalo nyimpan di laptop, yah simpan di folder yang ga bakal pernah kamu buka sama sekali meskipun tiap hari laptop selalu kamu utak-atik. haha :)

The second step is hmm.. delete his number from your contacts. Don't even read the old texts, or whatever. And if he's on your LINE contact, just hide it. So you wouldn't see their names on your contact list, see their updates, or see their "wtf" pictures. hahaha..

Oh well, I didn't tell to "unfriend" them on facebook or whatever social media names, but seems like they're deleting me. Oh it's okay, really. It's better you who deleted me than I deleted you, it's like umm it bothering you if you see my name while you opened your facebook page. lol

And the third thing is.. simpan semua barang yang bisa ingetin kamu sama doi, hahaha.. Yeah I find it hard when I still hugging the bear that he gaves to me, so I manage to keep it far away from me, even it's my favorite kind of bear. Oh well skip that thing.

The fourth is you need a distraction! I find it more easier, oh well my distraction is getting a new piercing, (as seen on my instagram if you followed me). haha I know that's not a good thing, but yeah I love piercing. Every piercing that I had told a different stories. And just to make it clear ya, ga semua orang bertindik itu ga baik. Cuma orang kolot aja yang mikir seperti itu. hellooo ini bukan tahun 80'an, ini 2013. PLEASE... :)

The last thing thing is.. you have to tell yourself that you're gonna be okay without him, you'll be happy even without him, you deserve better, you've done a lot, you are precious, and NEVER COMPARE YOURSELF with ANYONE, apalagi orang yang ga ada baiknya, aku tau judging people who you doesn't even know is a bad habit, but for me, aku ga bisa dibandingin sama orang kyk gitu (yah cukup yang tau aja ngerti kok), dan jangan sekalipun kamu berani bandingin, because she's not even close to my level, SO STOP loving someone who doesn't even appreciate your love. It's like you're throwing a diamond while you're picking up the rocks. :)

That's all I've did. And lucky me, he's not around anymore, well at least until the next couple months, or year? haha good. I didn't regret everything in my past, they're there to give you lessons in life. I believe that I'll go through all of this shit very soon. Yang sekarang ada di pikiranku adalah aku harus menata hidupku seperti sedia kala, the life that I had before I meet him, but then aku ga akan bisa 100% jadi orang yang sama seperti dulu, but at least be a better me, the smart one, lia yang tau mana yang baik & buruk, well leaving the bad habit like going to club, partying, oh whatever. Lia yang dulu sudah ga ada. It's like umm.. The old me is already gone, and dead. ok? :)

You can't please society, really, you only need to keep struggle to live the world full of lies, full of hypocrites, and full of bitches. haha make sure you're not one of them :)

Oh well, aku kira kata-kataku diatas sudah cukup untuk blog kali ini..
No offense. This is my blog, I wrote whatever I like. :)
I'll see ya in the next post soon!


Monday, August 12, 2013

Tearful year.


Hello everyone,
well first I wanna say Happy Eid Mubarak to those who celebrate it.
Sorry for my disappearing again since the last post.
And I am so sorry if I blogged any crap here in my own blog, oh well told ya, shit happen, as always. OH sh*t, I really2 f*cked up this time, no jokes.
It's happening again, as what I've been through last year. I just know that 8 was my lucky number *I guess*, but really, August isn't my month even it's 8! Flashback to what happen last year if some of you understand my story.

It's kinda fucked up isn't, when you love someone, deep in your heart, you want to be with him, NO MATTER WHAT. But what would you do if that someone doesn't intended to stay? And choose that one who've been screwed you in past a year back then! *Imagine you were me and said in your mind, "what the f*ck!?".* Oh oh, told ya, SHIT HAPPENS. haha..

It's so heartbreaking right, the one who told you that they love you, suddenly leave, and tell you to find another man, who's better than him, wishing you had a good life. Oh well well.. No words I can say could change anything. You know what it feels like when the one you love the most say that thing? It's like I was punched, straight in my face. Oh okay, well maybe that was the last time you'll ever see me smiling like it's okay, and I'll get over it.
Oh you know, I'm not that kind of smiley face mode ON or OFF. 
Told ya, my dad who's never asked me "are you not in the mood?" suddenly asked me that question today, then I tell him "nothing, just tired." 
Oh world's full of lie.

I know it's my fault, oh I didn't regret everything that's happened back then, maybe I just know before this happen, well actually my head knows sooner or later this will happen, but my heart still can't accept it yet. Oh screw me, I just hoping the impossible thing will be possible if I have faith on it. Well I guess I'm wrong. :)
"I know that someone came into our life to teach you lessons, well God let that person crossed our path just to teach you the lesson you have to learn." 
It's either to let go, or to stay with them for the rest of our lives. OH I really wish the reason is to stay for the rest of my life. But I guess God didn't have the same idea with me. haha.. You know, I only had one wish, I only want once in a lifetime boyfriend will be my once in a lifetime husband, now it's all gone. I can't fulfill my lifetime wishes. Pity me. haha I'm a daydreamer, I dream of the thing that not everyone can do it.

Someone told me, "heads up girl, you're precious, he's dumb enough to let a girl like you go from his life. Cheer up! Be happy! Oh please, don't get hurt more.."
Well that someone just one of my friend that I met at beauty course. Not gonna tell her name, but it means a lot for me, remembering that she didn't know me well enough and long enough to understand that something's not okay with me. Thankyou, at least there's someone who care.

Two days back then, I asked God,
"Why me?"
"Why this is happened to me?"
"Why again?"
Still, I didn't get an answers. Not yet.
He's my first, even when he said that he might be my first boyfriend, but not my first love.
I still count him as my first love. I know this wasn't my first heartbreak, I had many okay.
But I don't know why, I just couldn't let him go.
I asked myself "Why?" I didn't get any answer either.
My mind told me to let go, but my heart couldn't.
I told myself, "If we both really meant to be together, no matter how long, how far, how hard it is, you will always find a way to be together, no matter what. Let them go, if he's coming back to you, he's yours. Good things happen to those who patiently wait. Maybe we're not meant to be together today, but someday, we will."

I keep reminding myself to not to look back, I packed all the stuffs, pictures, and everything. I told myself, let the memories remain just as memories, you have to move forward, show him that he's wrong, that he should've try, because I know I was worth the fight.
OH I wish forgetting people is as easier as deleting photos from i-phone!! :(
No words can exactly describes my feelings for now.

OH God, I thankful enough I had one friend, not just a friend, she's my best friend, my sister, my partner in crime, she knows me from the beginning to the end of story. She accompanied me when I need someone the most. She cheer me up. I'm glad to have her. Thankyou Gab for always stay by my side when everyone else's leave. Thanks for understanding me, thanks for handling me in my hard times. It's good enough to have one friend that knows you than having a tons of friend but none of them understand you.
I really wish this pain will gone really soon.
And I'll be okay, someday, just not today. :(

I thank God that I am be able to meet someone as good as you are, be able to spent almost a year knowing each other, I learned a lot from you, thank you for almost everything even if it's good or bad. I just wish you had a great life, take care of yourself, and learn to be more mature from now. Good luck for your job, just so you know that my prayer always be with you, no matter what happen. God always be with you. :')

"Ich liebe dich mehr als du weißt.
 Ich hoffe, dass wir eines Tages wieder zusammen sein."

 The last big hug :)