20 FACTS ABOUT ME

Hello everyone,
so I'm here today with this kind of title of 20 facts about me, it's so trending by now FYI.
Go check to your instagram and you'll find some (well maybe a lot) of people posting about their own facts. So here's mine.. (well I will post it.. maybe later on instagram but not now)

So here we go starting from the very first fact about me!
1. I was born in Surabaya on October,28' 1992, going to 22 years old in just a month.
2. My favorite snack is french fries, I can eat french fries everyday. Anytime anywhere.
3. I am allergic with some kind of seafood, and always got red spots above my lips, back of my head, on my hands, and always shows in the exact same place if they relapse! :(
4. I can't leave home without EYEBROWS! I will make sure my eyebrows done perfectly before leaving home, even I spent 10 or 15 minutes long just to draw my eyebrows (especially weekend), I could stay on my chair for about 2 hours to look purrrrfffect. And don't ever compare my weekdays and weekend face, it's total different and I know it. My face is my own canvas anyway..
5. I losts total of 24 kilos, and gain 5 kilos back.
6. I get mad easily, and if I do, I will stay quiet. I am kind of person that holds my anger, and if I reached out my limits, I will just BOOM. So be careful.. I am a vindictive kind of person. I will never forget any faults you've done. I pissed of easily, I am temperamental, I'm grumpy, I am sarcastic, I'm cold-blooded, so watch your acts & words.
7. I love deeply, once I love someone, I'll stay in love. No matter how hurt it is, I don't easily fall out of love. Well, it already exists in me, if you love someone, try to be a faithful kind of person, though perhaps your partner isn't kind of a faithful person.
8. I'm a believer of KARMA, you reap just what you sow. So, I am trying to not creating my own karma. Just do good, and be good, so the good will follow you. I know karma does exist and I see it by my self now.
9. I'm a work-a-holic sometimes, especially if it comes to makeup. I once want to be a fashion  of shoes designer while still in junior high, but I dislike sewing. I like drawing. Well I like to design, but I am not interested with tailoring or some kind of that. The time flies, and finally I discovered that I loveee to make womens pretty with makeup. so here I am now being a MUA, well it's not easy as I thought it was. But I love 'em!
10. My first crush was in Elementary school, while I'm still in the 1st grade, oh he's in 5th grade!! hahahahaha :p
11. Once I hate a person, no matter how long it is, I will always hate. I will never ever forget for the rest of my life, and there's no "friendship" word in my dictionary. And if I made ​​friends with people I hate, it's like I'm swallowing my own saliva And I'd be happily die if I am kind of friends with my fuckin' enemies. You can see straight on my face whether I like or dislike someone, it shows on my face! REALLY. I speak harshly, and curse a lot. I had a bad temper. I could make you hate me or love me in just a blink of eye. LOL!
12. I failed to keep promises to myself, that I wouldn't go to nightclubs. and it happened when I was in a state of hurt well.. brokenheart. it sucks you know, I just wanna stop, but still couldn't. Sorry for myself. And still couldn't help about it. I drink a lot, but I always manage myself to not to get drunk, that's why I drive by myself to nightclubs. I will make sure that I'm sober!
13. I am kind of woman that if I dislike someone (read: men) from the first time, I will never give second chances. Just cut it off, and goodbye. Terribly afraid of getting hurt all over again. That's why I'm single for.. well almost 2 years now.
14. I posted quotes with my pictures or selfie on instagram. Those quotes contains what I feel and what I was thinking at that time. So be aware of it.
15. I try to be an independent kind of woman, because my parents told me to be strong, and as possible didn't depend to much to someone. And don't you ever borrow money, or told them you're broke. Because it will make people go far away from you. Just spend money you have without thinking about prestige. A true wealthy people never show you they're rich, never show off their balance to the world.
16. I collect shoes, bags, watches. I got tons of it!
17. I'm a good listener. I listen to everyone chit chat seriously. It's kind of life-lesson. You need to open your mind. Life is too scary if you keep your mind close.
18. I got a terrible insomnia. I could stay awake all night long. I ever had a phone call starting from 10 pm to 7 am. omaigod.
19. If you asked me what's my religion, I would definitely said that I don't know. I just live this way, the important thing is I live well, I pray, I still know what is good and what's not, because I think some of the religious kind people is all a good people. For me worship isn't always about going to church, wherever you are you can pray. I'm not a fanatic to any kind of religion, I didn't said that they're not real, I believe that God, Allah, or Buddha exists. Just because we didn't go to church, doesn't meant that we're bad people. NOTE THIS!!! (no hard feelings, this was just my opinion)
20. I always hold my bear hands when I was going to sleep & turn on my music on my android.

I wasted 2 hours of my time writing this facts bout me, well.. 20 is just NOT ENOUGH to spills some facts about me! I know it's so easy to judge people and so hard to judge myself. hahaha :D write down if you know some facts about me!! :)

Just a little thought

Hello everyone,
so here I am again, with some little thought just now, well I don't know, I feel like this blog is the only friend of mine for now, on this time I mean, it's 12 a.m, and yeah.. I just finished watching the IT movie, "The Fault in our Stars". Oh my God, I can't help but burst into tears. It's sweet, really, trust me. But it's also heartbreaking. Don't know is it because the movie is too sad, or it is just me. Oh no, the woman beside me burst into tears too. So I guess I'm normal. haha :)

Okay, first of all I just wondering that I was Hazel *cough*, she's the main character beside Gus. And while watching this sweet little guy named Gus, just made my heart flatters. I just wish that my future man *cough* will love me like Gus's did, oh maybe just like him, except the cancer and the death part, PLEASE NO. And oh this was my favorite part, while Isaac (Gus's bff) said, "I do not believe I have ever met a more physically attractive person who was more acutely aware of his own physical attractiveness.
'But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him."
Well, let me admit it, that quotes on the end is one of my fave, well I don't have a chance to say it to someone yet. :')

And this is my fave part of Hazel's :
“My name is Hazel. Augustus Waters was the great sat-crossed love of my life. Ours was an epic love story, and I won't be able to get more than a sentence into it without disappearing into a puddle of tears. Gus knew. Gus knows. I will not tell you our love story, because-like all real love stories-it will die with us, as it should. I'd hoped that he'd be eulogizing me, because there's no one I'd rather have..." I started crying. "Okay, how not to cry. How am I-okay. Okay."

I took a few deep breaths and went back to the page. "I can't talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this: There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a Bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.” 


And the next fave part is THIS :
“What else? She is so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.” 

Really I can't help but my tears keep falling down while watching it. Well maybe I used my heart a lot while watching some movies, yeah.. I just keep wondering if I'm in their positions. As you grow older, your heart speaks louder than your mind, just like acts speak louder than words. Get it?

Did I told you that I watched it alone in cinema? Is it weird? HELL NO.
If you know me, I'm a loner kind of person. I enjoyed things alone. I drive alone. I sing alone. I eat, most of time alone. I enjoyed me time. Well.. as long as I can do it myself, and I am happy with it even if I'm alone, that's literally fine. You could say I'm kind of freak. I don't mind. I enjoyed movies alone, most of the time, I hate being in crowd for some reasons. I started hating in a group of people, let me say, group of strangers. I don't know why, even when I'm in a group of people, I always feel like I was alone. So what's the difference being alone & being in a group but still feeling alone? I guess I'm the only one who held the answers. I'll keep it for myself. 

There's time I needed someone to stay by my side, but the time isn't right, or maybe the person I wanted to stay isn't right, etcetera, couldn't help but that's life. You can;t always get whatever you want. Something worth having doesn't come easy. I knew it, for a long time ago. Just like I said, "Easy come, easy go." Remember?

Dude, you have no idea how hurt I am by now. While some people convince me to forget someone, but I couldn't. Ah maybe I could, but it surely takes time, a long time. I am a typical person that once I hurt, it will always there, no matter how hard I'm trying to heal, but the scars is always be there.

When I love, I love deeply, deep than the ocean. But once I hate, nothing could change it. And while some poeple shows some wealth, I don't care, no matter how big or small is your house, no matter how much money you had, your grave is all in the same size, even if you're rich or poor. So stay humble.

And ohh.. I'm a vindictive kind of person, I will always remember every tiny little mistake, every details. Be careful, I might be keep my mouth shuts, and not saying a single word, but inside, I count & I know some bullshits through people's mouth. I may sound & act like a fool, but you never know what's going through my mind. So, watch your move & watch your words. :)

Well that's just a little bad side about me. I'm a good person but NOT an angel, I'm a bad kind of person, but NOT an evil. My behavior based on how you treat me. :)
Good day everyone.

Moving forward

Hello everyone,
miss me huh? hahaha well sorry for my disappearing for a couple weeks, I'm a little bit busy these few couple weeks, during preparing for my cousin's wedding on this week, it's on September 15. I have to find a dress, fitting, and also starting my new side job as a Make-up artist just so you know. hahaha that's really interesting OMG! I never imagine that I was be able to be a MUA. And uh I was totally forgot that I had a broken heart few couple weeks ago. LOL. Oh yes what keeps me busy, keeps me forget all hose stupid little drama back then. Oh fuck that. haha I live in reality, not in drama. :)

Well today I don't know exactly what I wanna say here, I just wanna share a little quotation for you, for those who want to move forward, not move on okay :)

"Time flies, people change, feelings change, and heart move "forward", not move "on", you know future are meant to be traveled forward, not backwards, set your past as a lesson, that's what makes you a better one in the future, you may miss the old times, but you know that it's more best to keep going rather than having to repeat the same story when you already know how the story would ends." :)

End of story.
hahahahahaha
Well I guess I'd post another make-up courtesy soon!
Till we met again :-*

                                                                                          xoxo,

                                                                                                        Lia.

Tearful year.

 
 

Hello everyone,
well first I wanna say Happy Eid Mubarak to those who celebrate it.
Sorry for my disappearing again since the last post.
And I am so sorry if I blogged any crap here in my own blog, oh well told ya, shit happen, as always. OH sh*t, I really2 f*cked up this time, no jokes.
It's happening again, as what I've been through last year. I just know that 8 was my lucky number *I guess*, but really, August isn't my month even it's 8! Flashback to what happen last year if some of you understand my story.

It's kinda fucked up isn't, when you love someone, deep in your heart, you want to be with him, NO MATTER WHAT. But what would you do if that someone doesn't intended to stay? And choose that one who've been screwed you in past a year back then! *Imagine you were me and said in your mind, "what the f*ck!?".* Oh oh, told ya, SHIT HAPPENS. haha..

It's so heartbreaking right, the one who told you that they love you, suddenly leave, and tell you to find another man, who's better than him, wishing you had a good life. Oh well well.. No words I can say could change anything. You know what it feels like when the one you love the most say that thing? It's like I was punched, straight in my face. Oh okay, well maybe that was the last time you'll ever see me smiling like it's okay, and I'll get over it.
Oh you know, I'm not that kind of smiley face mode ON or OFF. 
Told ya, my dad who's never asked me "are you not in the mood?" suddenly asked me that question today, then I tell him "nothing, just tired." 
Oh world's full of lie.

I know it's my fault, oh I didn't regret everything that's happened back then, maybe I just know before this happen, well actually my head knows sooner or later this will happen, but my heart still can't accept it yet. Oh screw me, I just hoping the impossible thing will be possible if I have faith on it. Well I guess I'm wrong. :)
"I know that someone came into our life to teach you lessons, well God let that person crossed our path just to teach you the lesson you have to learn." 
It's either to let go, or to stay with them for the rest of our lives. OH I really wish the reason is to stay for the rest of my life. But I guess God didn't have the same idea with me. haha.. You know, I only had one wish, I only want once in a lifetime boyfriend will be my once in a lifetime husband, now it's all gone. I can't fulfill my lifetime wishes. Pity me. haha I'm a daydreamer, I dream of the thing that not everyone can do it.

Someone told me, "heads up girl, you're precious, he's dumb enough to let a girl like you go from his life. Cheer up! Be happy! Oh please, don't get hurt more.."
Well that someone just one of my friend that I met at beauty course. Not gonna tell her name, but it means a lot for me, remembering that she didn't know me well enough and long enough to understand that something's not okay with me. Thankyou, at least there's someone who care.

Two days back then, I asked God,
"Why me?"
"Why this is happened to me?"
"Why again?"
Still, I didn't get an answers. Not yet.
He's my first, even when he said that he might be my first boyfriend, but not my first love.
I still count him as my first love. I know this wasn't my first heartbreak, I had many okay.
But I don't know why, I just couldn't let him go.
I asked myself "Why?" I didn't get any answer either.
My mind told me to let go, but my heart couldn't.
I told myself, "If we both really meant to be together, no matter how long, how far, how hard it is, you will always find a way to be together, no matter what. Let them go, if he's coming back to you, he's yours. Good things happen to those who patiently wait. Maybe we're not meant to be together today, but someday, we will."

I keep reminding myself to not to look back, I packed all the stuffs, pictures, and everything. I told myself, let the memories remain just as memories, you have to move forward, show him that he's wrong, that he should've try, because I know I was worth the fight.
OH I wish forgetting people is as easier as deleting photos from i-phone!! :(
No words can exactly describes my feelings for now.

OH God, I thankful enough I had one friend, not just a friend, she's my best friend, my sister, my partner in crime, she knows me from the beginning to the end of story. She accompanied me when I need someone the most. She cheer me up. I'm glad to have her. Thankyou Gab for always stay by my side when everyone else's leave. Thanks for understanding me, thanks for handling me in my hard times. It's good enough to have one friend that knows you than having a tons of friend but none of them understand you.
I really wish this pain will gone really soon.
And I'll be okay, someday, just not today. :(



I thank God that I am be able to meet someone as good as you are, be able to spent almost a year knowing each other, I learned a lot from you, thank you for almost everything even if it's good or bad. I just wish you had a great life, take care of yourself, and learn to be more mature from now. Good luck for your job, just so you know that my prayer always be with you, no matter what happen. God always be with you. :')


"Ich liebe dich mehr als du weißt.
 Ich hoffe, dass wir eines Tages wieder zusammen sein."

 The last big hug :)

                                                                             xoxo,

                                                                                              Lia.

Heart to heart

Hello everyone,
so long didn't check on my blog,
Kinda busy with my schedule *cough* hahaha..
Oh really, I spend my June with full-time course, I am now attending a morning class and afternoon class.
Well yeah, it's kind of a distraction for me, I think..
A distraction from my super-complicated-love-life, I don't have to tell you again okay? (If you didn't know or understand, well please read my previous blog on May, you'll get the answer.)
Okay this time I'll use two language, English and Indonesian.
I'm a little bit tired to type it all in English. Well, I just need some time to share, I am overloaded with so many things and problems.

To be honest, until now I'm still in confusions.
Oh when it comes to a heart matters, I think no one ever really know about how I really feel, how I try to be strong, what I was thinking, and the time when I know something that really kills me inside but have to try to look okay and used to it. Trust me, that time, I really want to kick someone in the ass and release all of my anger, but I just can hold it, it sucks right. Yeah I know, sometime silence is the best answer, because not everyone could really understand your words.
Remember this quote?

"If you can't understand my silence, how can you understand my words?"

Yeah, you know someone really hurt when they starts to ignore you. But, pity me. Even if I get hurt, I still can't ignore the one I loved. Tell me I'm stupid, but I never feel stupid for loving someone. If you feel stupid, then you don't really love them. Simple right?

I believe that IF I patient enough to wait, good things will happen. I didn't said that I have to wait until forever, 'cus for me "forever" doesn't exist. I only remind myself that God will definitely guides me, I know his plan is much more better than mine.
 I keep re-read this quote,
"The ones who love you will never leave you, because even if there are hundred reasons to give up, they will find one reason to hold on."

I believe that if he really loves me and wants me, he will not easily give up on me, like I don't want to give up on him. I know we still had a chance to be together. Well maybe not right now, but someday, we will. I know expecting too much can hurt so much, but how can I give up on someone that I can't go a day without thinking about? Ever heard, "don't give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about" ?

Well, some said to move on, some said to hold on, some said that I am too stupid to wait for something that I don't even know how it ends, hello... I know lah kalo nasib digantung itu ga enak, bukan cuma ga enak, tapi pake banget. But, what can I do?  Lemme tell you, segala sesuatu yang dipaksain itu ga pernah berjalan mulus. Why I can say that thing? 'Cus, I've been through a lot of things in couple months. To be honest yaa.. Kadang capek. Capek makan ati. hahaha * bahasa alay mode on*

Kadang mikir, kok sekarang jalannya susah, rumit, too complicated, too much drama, bla bla bla... but then, I've read a book  that tells me this,
"kalau sekarang jalannya susah, banyak rintangan, banyak halangan, bukan berarti kalian ga berjodoh, cobaan itu yang menguji kamu, seberapa sabar,  seberapa besar perjuangan, dan seberapa kuat kemauan kamu untuk bersama dengan seseorang itu."

A real relationship needs two people who fights, who trust and believe in each other, and two people who really wants to be together.
Fight for what you love, but you can't be the only one who fights right?
Oh why complicated life....
God, if we are really meant to be together, please lead us to the right directions..
AMEN.

As my only one distraction, now I am finished my basic makeup course, now I'm in personal! YAY~ I'm in a rush to Bridal course, well I think I'm going to have a basic makeup test in few weeks ahead. Wish me luck guys! *finger crossed*

I've wrote this blog cuma buat mengurangi beban pikiran, no offense okay? I told ya before kan, aku bukan tipikal orang yang gampang ngomong straight to the point ke orangnya apalagi kalo masalah hati gini *HAHAHA*, so I choose to write it on my own blog and hoping that someone would read, yeah I'm big on writing! :p

Well I think that's enough for now,
I'm a little bit tired and sleepy, you know what? For a couple weeks back then, I've sleep before 12 am! miracle happens HAHAHA, you know that I'm an insomniac. *duh*
Seeyou guys in the bext blog post SOON...

                                                                                                      xoxo,

                                                                                                              Lia ♥

Heart to heart

Hello everyone,
It's been a while since I had a "heart-to-heart" kind of post here right?
Hahahaha.. So today I'm here with this old kind of topic.
Well, you might know without I had to explain, it's always about love, heartbreak, disappointments, etc.
Yeah I know, life is never get easy right.
When you want something, you've got to try your best to get it, and when you already got it, you've got to try your best to keep it.

DUH, I wish I could just let go of my anger, you don't really understand how painful it is to see, to feel, to love, and to hold on to someone who barely don't know how you really feel, so am I. I don't really know what you're really think about me, how you really feel about me, how much you love me.
It's just like.... hold on to something that we don't know where they lead.

There's a time when I feel all tired, lose hope, and kinda think why don't you kill me instead of giving me this unbearably kind of pain?
There's a time I asked my self, "why?"
There's a time I said to my self, "It doesn't matter if I die tomorrow, I have nothing to worried about, nor consider about."
There's a time I said to people, "I don't even need anyone to be married, as long as I live happily, because you know what? If you love, love just make us a weak person, you breakdown, your heart breaks, and DUH.. all you can do is just seeing old pictures, listen to the old records, laugh because you remember how great your life back then, and how fucked up your life by now."

I told myself to let go, but I couldn't. 
It's just.. there's something about him I can't let go. You think it's easy to move on, but it's NOT!

Yeah I really did, I always look into pictures, and remember how happy we are back then, how I wish you're still by my side, you're still holding me.
I listen to the old voicenotes, just to make me feel a little more better to hear your voice before I go to sleep, and told ya the truth, I fell asleep right after I listened to your voices through our old voicenotes.
Go on, laugh a little harder. Hahaha pity me.
Still had the bear in my bed, and sleeping right next to me, seriously.
Damn, I think I'm going crazy soon, wtf.

Well you can say that I'm the girl who can't be moved. LOL
I barely asked myself why can't I just move on, just like few years ago, when I really had my very first heartbreak. hahaha.. remember my old blog in 2009 or 2010?
Oh old times, honestly I don't really care about it anymore.

Time flies, season changes, how about feelings?
In life, I learned that everything worth having doesn't come easy. Those thing that come easily, it eventually easy to go too. Don't rush into something. If it was meant to be, it will be, in the right time, in the right place, with the right persons. If someone wants to go from you, let them, if they're came back, they're yours.

Few days ago, I found this little quotation,

"You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you're not part of their happiness." —Julia Roberts

Agree or not? Well, I do agree.
Why forcing someone to be with you if they're not really want to stay with you?
Let them go, I know it's not that easy to let go of someone that means everything to you, but don't you think it is too selfish to force them to be with us. I know, change takes a little time.

I told you, I am a selfish kind of person, I'm impatient, I am temperamental, in my head..I've killed my enemies & those people I hate over and over again, I am an evil, I am cold-blooded, I am stone-hearted, etcetera..

I'm just a girl, I can only wait okay?
Well I know I messed up, I fucked up, I am mentally breakdown, but one thing I know for sure, I grow up, I learned from my mistakes, I try my best, I know the limits, and I accepted reality.

GROW UP YOUNG LADIES,
LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH LESS DRAMA,
LIFE IS NOT A MOVIE.


Well, the last but not least, I tend to hold on to this quote I made,

"Being happy is your own choice, not others."

So, just stop following what's people manage you to do instead do what your heart said, you know what you want, don't base your decisions off the advice of people who don't have to live with the results.

I guess that's the end of this "heart-to-heart" post.
I'll seeyou later guys! :)

 

                                                                                                               xoxo,

Lia ♥

One year.

Hello everyone,
Sorry for my disappearing from my blog for current few weeks, been busy with course etc.
Well, as you could remember last year is the most terrific year for me, well for you too maybe. lol

Easter is on April, 8th last year. REMEMBER? haha..
Yea it's our first year anniversary IF we're still together. DUH
No judging okay. :-/
And yeah.. time flies SO SO SO SO fast!

You have no idea, if we tried to remember everything, we've change so much, we grow old, we're maturer than last year, we changed a lot, A LOT, from our lifestyle, our behavior, our job, our careers, our life, almost everything changed.
Did you realize it? I realize. Yes in my opinion, I've changed a lot! haha :)
And to be honest.. Last year, I never imagine my life would be like this today. Who the hell knows our future right? Money comes and goes, People comes and goes, Friends comes and goes, Problems comes and goes, etc. Note this, I didn't complaining okay?

I don't know what I have to say again,
Guess you know what I wanna say.. :)

p.s. i love you

xoxo,

Lia

Heart to heart

Hello everyone,
so today I got so many things that running in my mind, if you be able to see what's inside my brain, it's a total mess, over-capacity, over-limit, yeah I guess that's how I can describe it. I know it's sound TOO MUCH, or too drama, too.. whatever. I always had the thought that someday everything's gonna make sense, OH I really wish I had someone to share everything, I mean someone who I can trust, someone who can perfectly understands my situations and conditions without judging, someone who can encourage me, someone who can move forward with me, someone who stay when everyone leave. It's been a while I didn't talk heart-to-heart here.

You know I'm not that kind of person who freely talks and discuss about my private life, I'm not that kind of person who easily express what I really feel. I am stubborn. I am impatient. I am childish, I am vindictive, etc. I'd choose to not to talk about my problems until I reach the limit. I know that's not good, well you know everyone isn't the same, not everyone can accept your statements. I've been trying so hard to be a good person, I try to reduce my anger, I try to understand people's feelings & conditions & situations. I know in life, you have to work more harder to get what you really want, it takes time and patience to achieve what you really deserve. You know nothing worth having comes easy, right?

To be honest, deep inside, I feel so tired with all of this crap, I mean the situation, condition, this un-describeable feelings, this anger & jealousy. I never thought that growing up is much harder than final exams. Well I guess I understand why Peterpan didn't want to grow up. hahaha. OH GOD dammit! :(

Well last week on Sunday evening, me and my friends is going to Church together, I see that everyone's having their own problems, those soul that seeks for the best solutions for their problems. They seeks for their happiness, hands that willing to hold them when they're broken, those people who seek tranquility, those people who've been hurt mentally & physically. I know that I'm not the only one who had problems right. And that day, they're discussing about "First Love".

First of all, I'm not that religious type of person, I do whatever I like as long as I didn't do a wrong thing, and live my life straight, I don't need to show to people as if I was a religious person. I did the right thing and avoid what I thought was wrong. I'm not a person who likes to interfere in other people's business, because I don't like it when there are other people who casually meddle my own business. Just take care of your own life, why should we take care of other people's problems. And note this, just because I whine a lot in here, doesn't mean that I'm an attention seeker OKAY? Tell ya, I wrote whatever I want, this is my blog remember? You have no right to complaining. :)

I just try to distance myself from you, I know it's fuckin' hard to do, but what else can I do? Tell me, can you? And if you tell me to stay, I'll stay, no matter what, no matter how hurt it is, no matter how hard it is, but if you tell me to leave, I will, I don't want to make your life more complicated, more miserable, more frustrating, etc. I know you've been trying SO hard, I try to understand, I try to accept it even it kills me inside. 

BUT, if you really want me to leave you, forget all about us, and want me to move on, promise me you'll have a better life, promise me you'll forget me, promise me you'll be able to find someone who's WORTH having you and never take you for granted, promise me you'll never do stupid things, promise me you'll be a firm kind of person.

And I promise you, I will never ever forget every single thing about you, I will never ever do something stupid, I will always remember you as my sweetest whatever. You know I love you and I thought I would never ever love anyone else as big as my love for you. I know you might not be my first love, but I know you are the one who matter the most, you are the one who makes me don't want to sleep because reality seems more better than my dreams. 

I won't chase you, because this time, I wanted to be the one who chased. It's been so hard for me to let you go. OH GOD please just end up this nightmare, tell me that this all just a bad dream. Tell me that we're destined to be together, tell me that I still can hold him in my arms, tell me please! If this all was just a bad dream, wake me up. And if this love only exist in my dreams, please don't wake me up. :'(

I remember when I'm going to church last Sunday, the pastor said:
"Let God interfere in every problems that you're dealing with, surely he will give you the best way out of your problem."

I guess this is the end of Heart-to-Heart post, seeyou in the next post later you guys!

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  

- Psalm 147:3

                                                                xoxo,

Life is all about Learning

Hello everyone, 
I write this blog with intention and earnest (don't ever think that I have no intention at my other blog post), maybe my blogpost this time isn't like any other topic..
These days, many thing's running in my mind, whether it's a matter of life, friends, and even love life.. Well, there's no end when it comes the matter about life and love, considering all the people need "love", even the most ignorant and heartless need it.

I learned .. that not everything you want can be yours, it takes effort and hard work to have it, not everyone can think as how you think, not everyone see things in the same way you did, and not everyone can feel what you feel if they have never experienced what you have experienced.

For example, you want to know someone, but because you are afraid or shy, in the end you are discouraged to get acquainted with that person, from here..we can see that you aren't trying to let go of the fear/shame in you, as long as you don't try to let go of it, you will never move forward. I know, everyone is afraid of being rejected, but at least you can prove that you have been trying, for the next step... just pray for the best :p
 
I learned .. that in life, you're required to be clever in choosing a trusted friend, good at choosing a true friends, you have to be more smart, and good at everything .. I can't explain the meaning of "everything", like what I said earlier, not because I'm lazy to type it, because everyone has a different perspective about this "smart" word..

Example: when you vent to a friend, suddenly all the other friends they know but the story could be different from what you're describing .. Well, that's what they shouldn't disseminate, we told them because we're no longer can keep the problem itself, we need a good listener and who can provide us solutions, not make our problems as a gossip. Right people? :)

I learned .. that in life you do not always just "accept" it, but you are also required to learn to "give", because we needs some balance for a successful relationship, whether it's friendship or dating.

I learned .. that loving someone needed sacrifices and a strong heart, why? when you dare to fell in love, you dare to feel the pain and sick, I don't mean physically, but spiritually. (please ignore my language, I'm such a psychologist LOL!!, I was obsessed with psychology since senior high. hahaha) 
Pain that you feel is like a jealousy, resentment, anger, being more emotional, and the language that is the trend now is "galau "or"miris". hahaha ..

You need an example? Well here is an example, say that your partner whether she/he has an EX-bf/gf, unbeknownst to you they met (intentional/unintentional), but they don't tell you, either because they're afraid you'd be angry, or they had another reasons, no one knows in addition to his/her own.

The problem isn't that big on the first place, YEAH even though we are annoyed, at least we know from you, not from anyone else, right? The matter is actually the "honesty". Yes we admit that as a woman, we demand our partner to be honest with us, we better hear it from them than we have to heard it from the mouths of the others, as you remember this phrase, "It's better telling the truth and make them sad rather than telling lies and makes them happy."
Yes I don't know for sure the correct sentence was like, the important thing is that you all the readers know what I mean right? #hahahaha

I learned .. when you truly love someone, no matter how much he hurts you, you can say you hate them, but deep down inside your heart, you can never hate them. There was just a sense of "angry", not "hate". Verily, you can never hate the person you love, even if sometimes they don't deserve it, you easily forgive them because you still want them in your life.

 I learned .. when you feel hatred towards anyone, no matter what they are doing well or not, everything looks wrong in your eyes. That's the law, you won't hate someone for no reason isn't it? Just think, what makes you hate that person?

I learned .. to be more patient in this cruel life, no one ever said that life is easy, but if you believe the impossible can become possible.. Try to be more tough in living every problem of your life. In this world, there are still many people who suffer more than you, so be thankful.

I learned .. to be a good listener, sometimes people need a good listener figures, they don't want an answer, they just need a friend to share their story, not the people who always criticize and judge.

I learned .. to be the best, not in the sense of "to be", I never said I was the best .. I'm just doing the best I can do and the best I can give..

I learned .. to become a person who is open-minded, in the sense that can express what is in my mind, and also someone who can look in any widespread problems.

I learned .. to be someone who is not a hypocrite, you can see, if I don't like someone, I won't pretend to like them. I don't say much, just be a good listener.

I learned .. to be able to accept the situation, as time goes by and being older and older each year, we are all faced with "problems", even children who are still young, they're having a trouble too, basically people have problems since they're still a kiddo, just being older and older our problems are also become more severe, have patience & be strong.

I learned .. that to have a happy life is not complicated, do what you think is right, do whatever makes you happy, be with people who supported the you, be with those who make you happy, ignore those who want to bring you down, life is too short to worry about what people's negative thoughts, well.. sorry haters, I don't give a f*ck, you know haters gonna hate. :)


I know, it's not easy being a perfect figure, because you know.. no one is perfect, it isn't easy to be patience in facing the problem, but everything will be okay in the end..

"Those who patient enough will always gets the rights, as God sees, and acts, believe that you deserve to be happy, so.. don't give up!" :) 

Well I think this is the end of this un-usual post today, I'll see ya on the next post y'all! 

 xoxo,