Wednesday, October 7, 2015

The struggle between life, love, friendship, and works.

Hello everyone,
long time have no chit-chat with you guys, especially in my blog.
Too busy with works that I have no time to open up my laptop and typing in front of it, so today I find myself a little bit.. weird. Well weird.
Not because something bad happen actually, just a sudden NOT-permanent feeling I guess.
Life is good lately, well not all good, but.. it's fine.
Well I'm gonna share today with you guys about the struggle between love life and works lately, well.. my struggle to be exact. Gonna share it with a little bit english and indonesian language so it will be easier for me to say, remembering that I couldn't remember every words on vocabulary right. HAHA :)

So.. where do I start?

I guess I'm gonna start with my life in the earlier stage, how's my family, and how's society makes me who I am today (not trying to be dramatic FYI).

Okay, so I was born in the middle of a small loving family which contains 5 people including me, my mom and dad who still married and loving each other through their ups and down, and my two elder brothers which is 10 and 4 years older than me, And they both already married now, so let's say I'm the last one standing *ehh*.

My childhood is kind of normal actually, but what made it special is that I never live a miserable life like my older brother who already share the ups and down with my parents, from 5 to zero (not 10 yet), I mean bankrupt. Yes. You don't misspelling. So I guess I'm kinda lucky at the year of 1992.

The former story actually is that my mom didn't plan to had another child after my second brother was born, because she afraid to get another BOY during pregnancy. So, she tooks a herbal medicine to slowly err... abort (read: abortion). Well she didn't check for the gender yet remembering that she was 3 months pregnant, and then my grandma (from my mom's side) tell her NOT TO EAT another herbal medicine and made her check up on my condition.

And OH luckily the doctor said that I'm okay and in a good condition so she doesn't need to worry that I might be born with disabilities. And how happy she is when I was born a GIRL hahahaha. I guess God is protecting me that time. :)

Nah, the time when my mom's is still pregnant, my parent's work didn't go so well, so they are kind of desperately needs money that time to finance the maternity hospital, which my mom needs to get surgery to give a birth.

But God helps them through it, my dad didn't intentionally play gambling, and he won in a sufficient amount to pay the hospital where I was born.

Errr.... that's not a good... start huh. :'D
Well yeah.. we can  never choose how we live but I'm glad that I am alive.
They tell me after I was born, their works slowly raising, well not on too top, but it's good enough to finance all the family members. I guess I'm the one who brings their lucky star. LOLOLOLL!!

And moving to another chapters, bisa saya rasakan kalau saya tidak pernah kekurangan sesuatu apapun sejak saya lahir dan besar, mungkin hidup aku dulu jauh lebih enak drpd sekarang, bayangkan saja.. nikmatnya menjadi anak perempuan satu-satunya yang tidak pernah merasakan SHARING with another sibling, entah masalah baju, makanan, atau mainan. hahaha.. that makes me kind of egoism.

Apapun yang aku minta, tidak akan butuh waktu lama untuk mendapatkannya, mungkin inilah yang membuat saya SULIT MENERIMA kalau aku tidak mendapatkan sesuatu yg aku mau dengan cepat.

Begitu juga dengan hal melepaskan, saya tahu susahnya mendapatkan, maka dari sanalah saya belajar untuk tidak  mudah melepaskan.

Dalam hal melepaskan apapun, entah memberikan barang2 saya yg sudah tidak pernah dipakai.

Too much that I can't type it one by one.

Time flies and it's kinda bit too hard, I fell in love with a guy who's 7 years older than me, that time I'm still sitting in Junior High while he's already in Collage and we meet online, Friendster is the most IT social media back then before moving to Facebook.
Eversince that day, we slowly lost contact and I meet someone new, but DUH I couldn't make it official cuz he's one of my bff's ex, I choose my friend over that boy, cuz I value friendship more..

After that, we both lost contact and well... I'm over it,
And then I meet the guy I met online again, when I'm already in Senior High while he's working already.. well we meet.. online like MSN, or still on friendster then moving to Facebook. We chat almost everyday, I know his schedule too. And once a while we meet unintentionally at the mall..
Haha everything seems run smoothly as I ever imagined (let's just say I'm a little bit "baper".

Till the day that breaks my heart was in my 17th birthday when I invited him but he couldn't make it with so many reasons. But then when I woke up in the middle of the night and opened my FB, I just realize the reason that he couldn't came is that he's just in a relationship with another girl (well it didn't last too long in the end).

But it affects me too deep that time, trust me.. I don't feel like living a happy life since that day, ga punya semangat ngapa2in, sekolah juga malas, ngapain aja malas, and I never imagine that aku bisa begitu , but thanking all my bff who cheer me up till I'm over it! :)
Then we graduated from high school, well.. I still keep in touch with that guy,but only just asking how you doing bla bla bla, nothing else.
My life's fine so far without him, and thank God that I made it, I get through it.

Moving to another chapter..

When I was still FAT as hell, well.. my weight reach on 89kgs after holiday to China (I weight 85 before going to china), and oh my god.. I never imagine that I would be that fuckin' fat back then.
I just think that it's fine as long as I'm healthy, and still thinking that if someone really loves me, it wouldn't matter if I'm fat). Oh damn.. anggap saja pikiran orang hopeless yg ga bisa kurus meski diet gimana aja, and after that, well back in 2011 I'm still fat as hell, then I started diet, slowly and slowly, after 6 months not going anywhere, NOT going to hangout with friends.. Finally the skinnier me was born, I know I'm still fat, at least I lost about 15kgs in 6 months, and I'm PROUD OF IT, I show them that I CAN, and here I am.. I'm reaching 75kg, and then slowly to 70kgs, and slowly gaining 5kgs again, and then back to 70kgs, it stays about few years. And now still in diet condition, and reaching the 65kgs!!
5 more kgs to go! Well, it's good if I could make it 10 kgs more to lose :)

Moving to another chapters again,

I meet a guy while I'm still in dieting progress, and yeah we meet online, yes online all over again.
After the incident few years ago, I never responded anyone from online, I never never never had feelings from someone that I didn't know personally or I never saw in real life.
There's a lot of guy that keeps sending me a message but I don't respond it to be frank, but when I see that guy had mutual friends that I personally know I was thinking that "why not just be friend".

And slowly the time flies, we meet the first time at sutos, well.. that was the first time I see him, and it took only.. well maybe 3 minutes. And slowly we getting closer and closer, through ups and down, through every problems, well.. it didn't took so long for us to finally be in a relationship that time, but it didn't last for so long, only 5 months and it's LDR (you know LDR sucks really). (Sebut saja, hal yang di dapat terlalu cepat ga akan bertahan lama).

Ingatlah, aku yg sekarang bukan aku yang pernah kamu kenal beberapa tahun lalu..

I used to hate clubbing, I never drink alcohol, I never stay up late outside my house more than 12 am, I follow the rules. I am a good good girl, before someone totally brokes my heart to pieces. Remember that.. that guy used to be my first boyfriend, and I was like thinking that maybe he's the right one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. BUT I GUESS I'M WRONG. Anggap saja dibutakan cinta & terlalu polos hahahahahaha :)

It was my second heartbreak, well.. heartbreak ter-PARAH I guess. :)

What's a relationship that builds up with lie lie and lie?
Oh well.. (anggap saja masih terlalu polos saat itu hingga mudah sekali dibohongi dan termakan janji2 palsu wkwkwkwk)
Dan pertama kalinya bisa sayang setelah sekian lama, tapi ternyata...
Sayang itu gak dihargai :)

Eversince that day, I completely lose my mind, well.. I ever thought that it's better to not to get attached with someone else and let my mom or grandma pick someone who I had to marry with (istilahnya kesel cari pasangan yg pas, mendingan dicariin tinggal jalanin, kalo nantinya ga cocok ya udah kan at least bukan salah aku kalo SALAH PILIH PASANGAN, drpd mencocokan diri tapi pada akhirnya ga bisa bersama *ceileh*)

I never trust someone easily after that, all I can hear was a lie, lie, and lie :)
And seems that I can't even know which real and which is a lie.

That was me post break-up, labil dan gampang terpengaruh buruk -____-

Yg dulunya anak baik yang manis ga aneh2..
Look at me now, I go clubbing, I drink alcohol, mostly few times a week. Pernah mabuk, tapi untuk sekarang sudah cukup lah masa-masa mabuk2an, meski mabuk masih bisa kontrol diri pulang  ke rumah sendiri bawa mobil pula. LOL!
Well this was my first time telling people this, and I hope kalian bukan menyalah artikan, I asked permission to go clubbing, both my parents and brothers knows it. Bukan yg aku diem2 pergi ga bilang kalau clubbing dsb.

Thank God I had the COOLEST FAMILY ever!!!
Sometimes I feel sorry to my parents that I ended up having a bad habit. Well I couldn't say what's the reason of my rebellious act, because I was thinking that NOT EVERYONE understand and accepts. Remembering that my other family is too KOLOT and my bestfriends used to know me as a one of good person (at least not that bad).
It's hard to find someone to share, I mean, bener-bener ngerti and didn't judge me because of it.

And after post breaks up,

before I am unemployed, I didn't go to collage, I think it's wasting time, cuz all of my family members that go to collage ends up... buka toko sendiri & jadi ibu2 RT (re: Rumah tangga).
So I simply think that collage is not that important, at least for me..
Dr sana lah hidup jd pengacara dimulai, alias pengangguran banyak acara, aku poikir sih beberapa bulan lah nganggur dulu, bosen juga belajar trus.. ga kerasa, time flies, sudah jd pengacara selama 3 tahun, HAHAHAHA terhitung lulus SMA taun 2010, baru2 belajar yg namanya makeup di 2013, sampe skrg kerjaan jadi makeup-artist wkwkwk :D

Nah moving to working life
that I've been having in current 2 years now,
first of all I never imagine my life now, I never imagine that I would be a makeup-artist, ever.
Yes I do love makeup since I was 2 years old. I used to play with my mom's lipstick and draw all over the wall with it. hahahahaha :D

Well, it's all started when someone told me to go to course, at least I'm not a pengangguran. But I didn't do it langsung, instead because of a lot of people kinda annoys me, dan banyak orang yg ngatain, nyindir, dan jelek2in, they said that I couldn't, aku gak bisa kerja, bisanya cuma makan tidur shopping ngabis2in duit ortu, well I know that, why not?? Mama2 guehhh, kenapa lu yg sewot, iri banget jd org wkwkwkwk :p
Ingatlah, itu pikiran anak yg masih menginjak usia 20 tahun dan dalam masa2 labil.

I'm not the type of person who socialized too much, especially with strangers, I choose the people I want to interact with, if you can't catch my attention, well.. sorry I won't responded you.
But it's all changes, the way I look at people, and how I respond.
I have to be nice, be nice, and be nice.
My job is to interact with people, and also with strangers.
That way I change a little bit socialized.

But I remember one of the reason, I want to proof to someone that I could be a better one, better than I am before, better than me that he met earlier, that Lia's from 0 to 9 (10 is too perfect).

I want to make him regret of losing me. REMEMBER THAT.
I am arrogant, sarcastic, and a little bit kasar. hahaha. I always think that I have to be better better and better each day.

That man told me to find someone MUCH MORE BETTER THAN HIM, financial or looks.
But, looking at someone who he chooses instead of me.. yang ga ada apa-apanya, sorry to say.. bitchy & ga punya etika. (ga usah sewot kalo merasa WKWKWK kan di dunia yg bitchy & ga punya etika ga cuma elu doangg keleusss)
Sungguh mengecewakan to be frank.. :)
And if you think you're perfect, DUH.. nobody's perfect!
Even the kindest person have sins.
Even those people who go to church on Sunday too!!
Nah the point is, iya kalo kalahnya sama bule sihhhh guehh terima aja, uda keliatan kalee kalahnya dimana hahahaha lah ini..... :D (that's exactly what I thought few years ago)

Beside those things, I want to prove to both of my parents that I could make them proud!

I know lah kalo ga banyak yg bisa mereka banggain dari aku, udah ga pernah nurut, susah diatur, kepala batu, se enaknya sendiri, egois, yaaa maklum lah ya ga pernah ada saingan dari kecil, apa-apa juga punya sendiri GA SHARING, jadi TOLONG DEH YAAA kalo masalah sharing, it's a big NO NO, apalagi sharing pasangan WKWKWKWKWK! :D
Boro-boro sharing, elu pake 1x aja kagak rela deh guehh asliii.. LOL

As time flies and putting much effort to be who I am today that I never ever imagined of, I am thanking God for all of the problems he put me through, karena.. dimana problem ngebuat aku yg sekarang bukan aku yang dulu, yang bisa dibilang lemah mentalnya lah yaa..

Sometimes, aku pikir aku terlalu keras, and takes life too seriously. Yes obviously.

So many of my friends, told me to take it easy, play the game, have fun with boys, and forget the rules and take chances, fuck off with what happen tomorrow. HEY, I CAN'T!!

You just don't know me well enough to say that to me, I had a deep and very deep thoughts of it.

Kamu belum tahu susahnya jadi aku, although all of you see me doing WELL and LIVE WELL.
I will never be in a relationship that I know it wouldn't last longer, I knew my life, my family.
When two people were married, it means two families are married too!

I know I sounds too old, but thats exactly what I thought.
Saya bukan type orang yang mau PHP-in orang lain, karena saya TAHU PERSIS bagaimana rasanya di PHP hahahahahaha njirrrr sakitnya bukan main sob!
Bukan type orang yang suka mainin orang yg emg serius, karena saya TAHU PERSIS rasanya dipermainkan waktu serius.
Bukan type orang yg mau BAPER, biar jauh-jauh dr sakit hati, karena saya TAHU PERSIS rasanya sakit hati, berasa uda mati rasa kali yaa skrg kalo ditanya..

In  my life, well.. from the very first beginning, aku sudah punya pegangan hidup, punya tuntutan hidup yang setidaknya harus dijalani meskipun I don't really care. Semua sudah tertanam di mindset, and it's NOT THAT EASY to let go of that mindset..

Tidaklah mudah menjadi seorang Lia Octaviani yang selama ini dikenal orang sungguh menikmati hidup dan mudah menjalani hidup (maaf yaa kata2nya sedikit dramatis hahahaha).

Seorang Lia Octaviani yang dikenal menjadi makeup-artist.
Seorang Lia Octaviani yang orang-orang tahu mudah cari duit.
Seorang Lia Octaviani yang hidup sedikit hedon meskipun ga seperti cece2 sosialita yg lebay lifestylenya diumbar-umbar. (ga nyalahin sihh namanya juga org hedon wkwkwkwkwk)
Seorang Lia Octaviani yang setiap weekend selalu clubbing.
Seorang Lia Octaviani yang dulunya gendut skrg lumayan agak kurus (HAHAHAHA).
Satu kata yaa... GAK GAMPANG! :)

I guess I'm lucky enough to live a wonderful life, thankyou to both of my parents yang sudah maksa belajar makeup, kalo ga beneran dehh ga bisa menikmati hidup skrg :)
I wish both of my parents live longer than I am.
Wouldn't trade them with anything.

Just because you see me drinking, clubbing, doesn't mean I'm a bad person.

Setidaknya meski ak clubbing, aku masih tahu BATAS, I will never touch drugs.
Masih ada tanggung jawab kerja, kerja ya kerja, clubbing ya clubbing, meski kadang kerja after clubbing hahahaha :D
It took me years to realize that it wasn't a good habit.
I'm grateful, that I still had bunch of friends that encourage me to be better.

Kamu ga bisa menyalahkan keadaan entah dr segi keluarga atau masa lalu yg kelam untuk jadi seseorang yang bisa dibilang RUSAK, karena itu pilihan..

Sebagaimana kamu membawa dirimu, setidaknya lebih maju, bukan mundur..

Jangan salahkan keadaan kalau nanti kamu termasuk orang yang GAGAL menjalani hidup, karena hidupmu ada di tanganmu.

Lingkungan juga lah yang membuat dirimu, antara jadi lebih maju, atau mundur..

Berterima kasihlah pada mereka yang masih mengkritik kamu, because they paid more attention.
Bersedihlah saat tidak ada lagi mereka yang mengkritik, karena dari sana lah kamu tahu kalau mungkin mereka sudah melupakan kamu.

Jangan merasa terintimidasi dengan omongan mereka yang mungkin tidak enak di dengar, tapi jadikanlah itu boomerang untuk mau bisa menjadi sosok seseorang yang BETTER dan LEBIHHHH baik dr kamu sekarang. :)

And now it's about friendship..

Dalam arti mana teman yang bisa kamu ajak bersenang-senang saja, dan mana teman yang bisa bersedih dan senang bersama. Dan juga mana teman yang bisa membuatmu jauh lebih baik dan maju, dan mana teman yg membuatmu mundur, dan mana teman yg sengaja dekat supaya bisa melihatmu jatuh perlahan.

Teman bersenang-senang dalam arti seperti saya yaa... clubbing (contoh paling mudah).

Teman bersedih dan senang dalam arti saya ya... yg ada waktu kamu susah senang, bukan yg susah ditinggal, tapi kalo seneng2 selalu muncul. :)

Teman yg bisa jadiin kamu lebih baik itu teman yg bisa mengkritik kamu, and encourage you. Kalau ketemu selalu ada pembahasan yang bermutu, contoh saja masalah pekerjaan, dan mungkin yg bisa membantu pekerjaanmu.

Teman yg membuatmu selangkah mundur dalam arti saya ya yg ngajak2 rusak WKWKWKWKWK contoh aja yg ngajak2 ngeroom, ngobat, dan apapun yg sekiranya tidak baik untuk masa depanmu.

Karena bagi saya, teman yang baik itu kalau mau rusak ya rusak sendiri, ga ngajak2 yg lain.

Teman yg sengaja dekat biar bisa lihat kamu jatoh itu yaaa.... yang kyk gitu ituhh lah. Baik di depan, dibelakang main tusuk. HAHAHAHA :)

Memang ga heran sihh jaman sekarang apapun dilakoni biar puas, temen sendiri aja dimakan. GILEEE ga tuh lu.. :)))

TAPI, sebagaimana kalo kamu teman yg baik, setidaknya kasih pengertian mereka supaya kembali ke jalan yg lurus, masalah diterima ato nggak nya nasehat kamu, yaa terserah yg melakoni, syukur2 diterima, kalo ga ya uda deh yaa..

toh nantinya yg menjalani dan rugi yaa yg bersangkutan...
Kita mahh bawa dalam doa aja :)
Pada dasarnya orang yg mau berubah jadi lebih baik bisa menelaah yg baik, bukan terintimidasi dgn nasehat.

Sebelum bertidak, pikirkanlah panjang2, karena... yg sudah terjadi ya terjadilah..

Tidak ada waktu yg bisa diputar kembali. :)

Someone told me, ga usah menyesali apa yang sudah terjadi, tapi jadikanlah itu pelajaran supaya kamu tidak jatuh dilubang yang sama..
Kamu melakukannya juga atas dasar rasa sayang, meskipun rasa sayangmu itu kadang disalah-arti kan.
Yg terpenting sekarang, sebagaimana kamu berusaha jd lebih baik, dan bisa membedakan mana yg baik dan buruk.
Ketahuilah, karma itu ada percaya tidak percaya..
Ga selamanya orang yg diatas itu selalu ada di atas, dan yg dibawah selalu di bawah.
Do good and be good, so the good will come to you!! :)

Oh God, I never thought I will wrote this blog SO LONG..

I am sorry to make you read this..
Saya cuma sebatas mencurahkan pikiran, tanpa mau menyindir pihak mana pun, jd no offense yee cyinn..

So this will be my last long post, and the end of this post..

Lega sekali setelah sekian lama ada waktunya untuk mencurahkan uneg2 :)
Have a good day fellas, till the next post!


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