Almost a year passed

Hello everyone, 

well today is 08.03.2013, it's 8 remember? Yeah, that must be "our" Anniversary date next month if we're still together. It's almost a year passed, which mean time really flies so fast.. 

I still remember, the first time I met him (not the first time I know him FYI), it's in March'03, 2012. The first movie. The first time I felt in love at the first sight. The first time I felt in love with his sweet smile. I admit that I never fall in love with someone I'd never met before, but I fell in love with his sweet gently little voice, and well yeah...I still had his first voice note, seriously.

Can I go back to that moment once again please? lol.

I wish.

It may be sad that we ended up like that back then, since he's my very-first boyfriend. haha. Yeah you know, reality's kinda sucks sometimes, and we've got to accept it. As you remember back in 2010's, got my very first hurtful heart-broken on my sweet-seventeen birthday. wtf. And finally move-on. Well you can't always get what you want, right? You just gotta past it, forget it, gotta get going, and moved on. Well that's when I'm just a freshly teenager, I'm 17 that day remember? hahaha.

Now I'm going to 21 this year, which mean I've got a lot of things to do and to think now. I admit that I still can't barely moving on, how can I move-on when I still had feelings for him? (Don't ever think "him" is that guy who broke my heart on my seventeen birthday, I'm totally over it, and don't have any feelings for that guy anymore. Okay?) 

In the first place after the broke-up moments, the miscommunication, I thought that I'm totally over him. I thought that I hate him, I thought the best way to forget him is never see him again, and I don't want to know anything about him. But that's not what I really feel. Deep inside, I know that I wanted to see him, I want to spend my birthday last year with him, I still want him. Call me selfish, call me stupid, whatever. You know I missed him SO MUCH and I can't lie to myself that he's still the one..even if I'm not his one. hahaha :')

Can you imagine, you're just in a new relationship, where a new lovebird seems always wanted to see each other everyday, the last voice you wanted to hear before you sleep, spend every special occasion together, have bunch of pictures together, but you couldn't have it? When distance became the problem, less communications, etc. And when you missed them, seems like you can't do anything, you just can cry yourself to sleep, there's always a time when you both need each other but you both separates by distance and sometimes you feel tired, sometimes you feel unwanted, and oh..whatever. *sob*

This was my first heart-to-heart post in current few year, didn't mean to get an attention or what, you know I'm good in words, but sometimes what you really need is someone who's listen and understand without judging, what I really need is someone who understand, not someone who always judge, lecturing, and didn't really listens. Oh that's the hardest part, finding someone who really understand you, I think no one could understand you better more than yourself.

I just wanna say,

no matter what happen, even if it's good or bad, you're still the best part of my year. I learned so much from you, I probably should thank God that He gave me you. And if God grant my wish once again, for once again, I want to be the girl you never take for granted, the girl you never forget, the last girl you love. 

Can't lie to myself that I still want you so badly, and can't even imagine how my life could be if someday you're gone from my life. Call me "lebay" or whatever, but you have to remember, no matter what would happen to us in the future, you will always stay in my heart. We may be nothing for now, but who knows that in another chance or in another life, for once again, I would be your girl. :')

P.S. I love you.

                                                                xoxo,

Love will find a way

1. A man won't let go if he really loves you.
Don't hold on to someone who has let go of you. He doesn't love you and doesn't value having you. Believe me, he will not let go if he really love you. There is another reason he is no willing to tell.

2. Don't look for reasons why he ended the relationship.
There is only one reason why he ended your relationship. He just doesn't love you. Don't waste your time thinking of reasons or what you should have done. Move on and be open to a man who will truly love you.

3. Don't get hung up on your past.
Don't nag or distrust your current girl/boyfriend just because your ex hurt you. Don't treat him/her or the relationship the same way. Don't compare. He/she will not react the same way as your ex. Don't be worried that your simple mistakes will cause him to look for another girl. What happened with your ex was not your fault. It wasn't because you didn't guard him enough or you didn't make him happy enough.

4. Don't look into images.
How many times have you met a girl/boy who didn't have the best image in school or at the office, but you get to know the girl and found out she/he was actually extremely nice? Don't rely on images. Oftentimes, it is far from reality. Don't fear men just because your "supposedly" perfect ex-boy/girlfriend mistreated you.

5. Always have your own set of rules.
Set your limits on how far you'd go for a guy. It's perfectly ok to give and do everything as long as it's worth it. And it's worth it if the guy is treating you right.

6. Don't be scared to lose him.
Don't be scared that he'll break up with you. Once you are afraid of losing him, you easily can be taken advantage. Be strong and if something is unacceptable, do not accept it and speak up.

7. Avoid calling your guy.
It's a guy thing. The relationship will definitely be better if it's the guy who's calling, not the girl. He will get tired of you if you keep on calling. He will lose interest and challenge. More so, he will get annoyed. But it's a girl thing also that your fingers get too itchy until you dial his number. But avoid as much as possible. Call only if really needed (like checking if your suspicions are reasonable).

8. There is a guy who will value you.
There is a guy out there who can make you feel valued, appreciated, and loved. And I mean, not just during your first few weeks together. So don't lose hope. Don't settle for a lesbian if you are not attracted to women. There is a man out there who can love you like a girl can. Also, don't believe him when he says it's just the way he really is. He's not the sweet or expressive-type. Remember during your first few weeks together? Where has that sweet guy gone? He simply is not that into you anymore.

9. Always be the only one, no matter what.
Don't ever fall for a guy who has another girl, be it his wife, girlfriend, or any girl that he says he just can't get rid of for whatever reason. If you truly believe that he loves you and for some reason, he can't leave or let go of another girl, then you are no different from any ordinary mistress.

10. He must respect you.
No matter how long the relationship has been, he should always show respect towards you.

11. If he fooled you, end it.
Philandering once is enough. You can never trust nor respect the person again.

12. Never start a relationship the wrong way.
Don't steal another girl's man, for whatever reason. Nor should you enter a relationship for the wrong reasons (loneliness, on the rebound, getting back at your ex, man-dependency, etc.) it is bound not to last. You will only end up wasting more years of your life.

13. Don't force yourself into a relationship.
Don't get into a relationship just because your friends are getting impatient with your dating escapades and the one hasn't come yet. Ever found yourself holding back because you're too proud?

I realized that pride would get me nowhere. You'll never get anywhere if you don't start somewhere. So swallow your pride. But what I failed to mention was that the absence of pride makes me feel so bare.

Like I'm holding on to it for that just-in-case moment that I realize I just don't want to give it up--- just yet. Maybe until I realize and find the right reason for taking in my pride and as a result, would actually make me a better person. Maybe I'm still waiting for that "humbling experience" to happen. You know, the kind of experience that just makes you realize your flaws and that you have to change not for anyone but for yourself. Am I making any sense?

Well my point is, I'm slowly but unsurely taking in my pride in hopes that by doing so, I'm becoming a more mature person, a braver being. I hope. But I think what I'm doing is a meaningful endeavor and maybe more because I think that person may be worth getting to know, may actually be worth my while. We'll see.  

So find a cause, something that you think is worth your while. And if it's a someone, you have master patience and ask yourself if he/she is worth knowing or talking to and that person would make you someone better. Cheesy, yes but hey that's the truth! :D

I end this with a quote in my head: 

"When you find someone who makes you smile, when you find someone who makes you learn to love, who makes you wake up to the reality of life, when you find someone who truly listens and shares what he thinks, when you find you want to spend every hour, every minute, every nanosecond with that person, keep him and if he's not yet yours, find him. Everything starts with that one step that makes all the difference in the world."

                                                                              xoxo,

 

happy 3 monthsversary baby ♥

Happy 3 Months-versary baby ♥

iloveyouu.

i really wish you're here :(