well today is 08.03.2013, it's 8 remember? Yeah, that must be "our" Anniversary date next month if we're still together. It's almost a year passed, which mean time really flies so fast..
I still remember, the first time I met him (not the first time I know him FYI), it's in March'03, 2012. The first movie. The first time I felt in love at the first sight. The first time I felt in love with his sweet smile. I admit that I never fall in love with someone I'd never met before, but I fell in love with his sweet gently little voice, and well yeah...I still had his first voice note, seriously.
Can I go back to that moment once again please? lol.
It may be sad that we ended up like that back then, since he's my very-first boyfriend. haha. Yeah you know, reality's kinda sucks sometimes, and we've got to accept it. As you remember back in 2010's, got my very first hurtful heart-broken on my sweet-seventeen birthday. wtf. And finally move-on. Well you can't always get what you want, right? You just gotta past it, forget it, gotta get going, and moved on. Well that's when I'm just a freshly teenager, I'm 17 that day remember? hahaha.
Now I'm going to 21 this year, which mean I've got a lot of things to do and to think now. I admit that I still can't barely moving on, how can I move-on when I still had feelings for him? (Don't ever think "him" is that guy who broke my heart on my seventeen birthday, I'm totally over it, and don't have any feelings for that guy anymore. Okay?)
In the first place after the broke-up moments, the miscommunication, I thought that I'm totally over him. I thought that I hate him, I thought the best way to forget him is never see him again, and I don't want to know anything about him. But that's not what I really feel. Deep inside, I know that I wanted to see him, I want to spend my birthday last year with him, I still want him. Call me selfish, call me stupid, whatever. You know I missed him SO MUCH and I can't lie to myself that he's still the one..even if I'm not his one. hahaha :')
Can you imagine, you're just in a new relationship, where a new lovebird seems always wanted to see each other everyday, the last voice you wanted to hear before you sleep, spend every special occasion together, have bunch of pictures together, but you couldn't have it? When distance became the problem, less communications, etc. And when you missed them, seems like you can't do anything, you just can cry yourself to sleep, there's always a time when you both need each other but you both separates by distance and sometimes you feel tired, sometimes you feel unwanted, and oh..whatever. *sob*
This was my first heart-to-heart post in current few year, didn't mean to get an attention or what, you know I'm good in words, but sometimes what you really need is someone who's listen and understand without judging, what I really need is someone who understand, not someone who always judge, lecturing, and didn't really listens. Oh that's the hardest part, finding someone who really understand you, I think no one could understand you better more than yourself.
I just wanna say,
no matter what happen, even if it's good or bad, you're still the best part of my year. I learned so much from you, I probably should thank God that He gave me you. And if God grant my wish once again, for once again, I want to be the girl you never take for granted, the girl you never forget, the last girl you love.
Can't lie to myself that I still want you so badly, and can't even imagine how my life could be if someday you're gone from my life. Call me "lebay" or whatever, but you have to remember, no matter what would happen to us in the future, you will always stay in my heart. We may be nothing for now, but who knows that in another chance or in another life, for once again, I would be your girl. :')
P.S. I love you.